My Role

Today was pretty awesome, aside from the pain.  I was at the women's retreat at my church in my college town.  It was a good retreat, but more than that I was able to educate so many people about fibromyalgia and chronic pain.  I love to tell people all about the illness(es) and what it is like for someone to live with this illness.  I really can do without the pity party.  Sorry-s don't mean much to me when so many people are living in ignorance about this illness.  So, I'd rather educate them and tell them about it.  I'll tell them what medicines and treatments are available and what I do outside of the medical world to get relief!  It's really encouraging to know that others are interested in learning about the illness too.  I just have to make it relevant for them to know in order for the interest to be there, or their already listening heart.  :-) 

My friend Nichole and I have decided that we are going to put together a workshop about chronic pain and living with it.  We want it to be available for everyone, whether one is suffering from chronic pain or family, friends, or a complete stranger to the idea of chronic pain.  I would love for it to be well-known enough that we begin to get requests from those around us to come and do it at their work, hospital staff, church or wherever!  In it, we hope to talk about illnesses that cause chronic pain and how those with the pain cope with it, a list of things to say and things not to say, and to share a few stories from people with chronic pain as well as our own stories.  I am getting SUPER excited to begin preparing it over the summer, which is quickly approaching.

Another thing that I determined today was that my calling is still to be a pastor.  As much as I want to deny it and avoid it, it is my God-given calling.  I know that I have been through the hell of life to prepare me for this.  I honestly dislike God for allowing it to happen.  But, as we work through our struggles (well, my struggles), I'm finding that my passion still lies in the ministry.  I love writing and editing.  I love reading and playing music.  But, I LOVE being in the church.  I love bringing people to know and love Christ.  Even when I'm mad at God for the crap that I've been through, I still know that He is there.  And I think His presence is what really keeps me going.  I know that I'm not alone.  I may not always believe that He has the best interest in mind for me, but I know that He will always be there.  So, there's my nice little revelation for the day.  I don't know what is going to happen between the chronic pain workshop this summer and the creative writing major, but I know that He will be there.  And eventually, I will be a pastor.  I may still be able to write and edit and play music for a living.  But, it will happen. 

I will say that I am not starting up with the pastoral process right away.  I need time to digest and figure out who I am in Christ. 

So for now, my role is an educator.  To educate people about chronic pain.  To educate people about living a life in God's presence.  And to educate people about Him.  Perhaps not in leadership or in that pastoral role.  But, as an ordinary human being put on earth for the glory of God.  That's my role.