Sunday, February 28, 2016

Trust & Obey

Most people who know me know that I grew up in a small town church in northeastern Missouri.  While I no longer attend there, I do remember the things I gleaned from my time from birth on up through high school.  If you grew up in an old-traditional church, you may remember the hymn "Trust and Obey."  It goes something like this:

"Trust and obey.  For there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey." 

Those words have been ringing in my ear this past week.  But what does it mean to trust and obey.  Today in church, we talked about trust.  This idea of letting someone else be in charge and that someone else being Jesus.  This idea that Jesus is Lord.  So, needless to say, we're in the middle of Lent talking about Jesus as Lord and repenting like nothing else because we are so terrible at letting Jesus be Lord over everything. 

Meanwhile, I'm trying to discern where God has called me to be.  Many of you know that I have always said that I would be a "preacher or a teacher...or a librarian."  Well, I've moved past the librarian aspect and decided I would just be the keeper of my home library.  But, I keep returning to this idea of being a pastor.  My wife thinks she would be a terrible pastor's wife - mostly because we are anything but the typical "pastor and wife."  First off, we are a lesbian couple.  Secondly, we are incredibly tolerant and host a foreign exchange student from Thailand who is Buddhist whom we have no intent of forcing some conversion.  (To be honest, she is teaching us more than we've taught her.)  And lastly, we are anything but the calm "let's attend a committee meeting" couple.  Perhaps some of this is just an excuse while other points prove to be truth.  I believe the General Conference of the UMC will allow people who are homosexual to be ordained, but ultimately, I do not believe that it is God's end goal for my life.  Ultimately, I believe I am to teach at the collegiate level within the religious studies department - whether that's at a public school or a seminary is still to be determined.  But, how reliable is the job market and how do I get there anyway? 

Trust and obey.

So am I going to be a pastor first before teaching?

Trust and obey.

Will my family support this journey?

Trust and obey.

Will people be able to learn from me?

Trust and obey.

When will I know the first step?

Trust and obey.

You get the point.  At each question, I'm reminded that Jesus is Lord and that I must remind myself of this daily.  I'm not the best at this, but I'm using Lent as a time to remind myself who is in charge and that I need only to trust and obey.  Obedience will only come as a result of trusting in God to have my best interests at heart.  When I trust that God is working for me, when I trust that God is working in me and through me, when I trust that God wants only the best for me, THAT is when I will obey and follow where He leads.  I've heard it said that we ought to obey even when it gets hard and doesn't make sense.  This is true, but it's much easier to take a blind step in the direction of obedience when we trust that He cares for us. 

Most of this is a rambling for me, but any advice you have is welcome and any prayers for discernment are more than appreciated. 

Peace folks.  Have peace and trust that He is for you!