Now, I know that Jesus was all about the kids. "Let the children come to me..." BUT...I never realized how amazing the faith of a child really is until I was inspired by a child. Before I get myself in trouble, I will say that this child is actually 12 years old. BUT, it's still amazing that she can be in middle school and have a Christ-like life as she leads it.
When I was younger, I always had people telling me that I "inspired" them or that I was their "role model in Christ." I brushed it off or relished it (depending on the day)...but never really thought about what they meant. I just took it as a huge compliment and moved on with life. As a child, I didn't have much life experience, but having grown up in the church, I knew a lot about Jesus. It was expected and came easily when I went to church three times a week! (Thanks Mom and Dad for the patience and driving!) Anyway, I guess the knowledge or perhaps the sermons caught people's eye. It was easy to believe in God when life wasn't too rough. Sure, middle school and high school were tough and drama arose, but it didn't challenge my steadfast faith too much. I believed God had me and He would get me through ANYTHING! There weren't doubts in my mind. I just trusted.
WELL...Now I've been through a few things: parents' divorce, college, coming out, etc. It's not so easy now. But oh how I wish it was! Now I understand what Jesus was saying.
This girl, for the sake of the world-wide-web, we'll call her Grace. She is twelve and in 6th grade. She has been praying in tongues since she was 5 years old. When we need prayer accomplished at church and a breakthrough to happen, she's one of the first people we call in. She praises authentically - like, for real! She watches kids in the nursery (even though she's a kid herself). She has a faith that can move mountains. And she is now on the diversity counsel at school, where she will be able to move in a mighty way in the school system for kids who may not have a "normal" family or they may not be "normal" (whatever normal is), whether by race, sexual orientation, beliefs, etc. She may not have any clue how to do calculus yet or how to balance a checkbook, but she knows how to love God and love people. It is truly inspiring. How much more I should be able to love through the experience I've had and having God keep me through it all!
Anyway, I just wanted to remind you that we all should have the faith of a child. The faith that remains through drought and storms as well as the beautiful fall days we've had! The faith that remains when life gets tough. The faith that keeps loving no matter what!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Look What the Lord has Done
WOW! It has been FOREVER since I last wrote. I have a lot to say and most of it will be boring if ya know me, but if you haven't seen me or heard from me in a while, well, this will catch ya up...and then FB me or something! I miss my people from MSU and EHS! Alright, so here we go and I'll see what I can do to keep it from skipping all over the place!
WORK
I am currently working at a day rehabilitation center for people with disabilities. I've been there since the VERY end of May 2012 and I LOVE it! They did all of their own training and I couldn't be happier with my job! I work with about 10 women (coworkers) even though most of the participants are guys. I have an awesome time with them whether it is doing crafts, reading books, watching movies, playing games, or even teaching them a lil' something, reading, or writing. I work with adults who have disabilities BUT they range in age from 18yo to 70-something. Someday, I'd love to run a center for pediatric disabilities as an after-school/summer program, but I have a long way to go before that can happen! The only downfall to where I work is that I am the youngest by like 25 years. Most of the time, it really doesn't matter, but the few short times...it can be real unhandy! But, I do my job and I always try to go over and above. I never leave work without knowing that I am making a difference and doing something worthwhile. Which is an awesome feeling!!!
SCHOOL
Currently, I'm not in school. I thought I would go back this fall (2012), but I really decided that it wouldn't make sense for me to do so. Finances are a complete mess right now. I'm planning a wedding (more on that later). I love my job and I'd have to switch jobs if I went back to school because of the field I'm in. And I don't know, honestly, if I want to go back. At least, not right now.
The main reason I had decided to quit going was so that I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life and where I was headed. It was totally something I did out of faith because I knew my parents wouldn't be happy with me coming out of school. (I also had quit because of my worsening health...more on that later too.) BUT, now, I have some sense of direction - and it doesn't necessarily involve schooling at the collegiate level.
Like I said before, I love my job and I'd love to open somewhere for kids with disabilities (no matter how severe) to come and learn and just be around other people! BUT, I've also regained a sense of calling to my life. A sense of where I'm at ministry wise. And because of that (which I'm gonna talk about later too), I don't think I will go back unless it is for a Christian ministry degree..OR something in the field I'm currently working in. Okay...going on since life seems to overlap in more than one category! LOL!
WEDDING
Yes, I mentioned it earlier, but I am planning a wedding. A wedding for November 17, 2012!!! It had initially been planned for August of 2014, however because Nichole's grandma is not doing fantastic with her cancer, we moved it up. (Prayers requested for her as she is starting her third round of chemotherapy for colon cancer.) Anyway, we are planning it in about three months when we had initially thought it would be like...2 years from now!!! It is a bit stressful, although I'm more relaxed about it than Nichole is! LOL. We do have someone helping plan the wedding for free though, so that helps! AND...it will be a smaller and simpler wedding than we had initially imagined it to be. (Which is great, but many friends and even family on both sides won't be included.) We are having it in Nov, so clearly it won't be an outside wedding like we had initially planned either...AND, unlike we had planned - we will actually be able to have a pastor wed us!!! (Thanks to Pastor Lenny! - More on him later.) Anyway, I hope there are no hard feelings to my HS and MSU friends who won't be able to come. We will only have about 3 months of budgeting to pay for the wedding since neither sides' family will help with the cost of the wedding. (Mainly because of their beliefs on homosexuality and marriage...which is whatever these days.) I can't afford our original list of nearly 300 guests so now it is about 50 with only immediate family members and grandparents invited. Sucks, but we'd rather have her grandma there with us to support us than a big (expensive) wedding. Hope everyone can understand!
HEALTH & GOD (They go together now.)
So, this is a bit of a testimony because I no longer have pain. My blood work still shows that there should be pain, but I have no more pain than a "slightly overweight" female should who doesn't exercise. LOL!
On July 29, 2012, Nichole and I visited Light of Love Fellowship in St. Louis. We are a gay-affirming church where anyone and everyone is welcome regardless of background, etc. (Light of Love Fellowship - STL) I was extremely skeptical of the church because it certainly was not a United Methodist Church. It is labeled as a non-denominational church, but it is connected to the RPI (Reconciling Pentecostals International) church. The website didn't say much, but going in we knew that they were a church that believed in speaking in tongues and baptism by immersion. That's about it!
SO, we went. Worship was unlike any other worship I had experienced in my life. There were people playing tambourines, shouting, jumping, dancing, clapping, lifting hands, etc! The songs had a bit of a gospel twang to them, but nothing that I didn't mind! :) THEN, there was a prayer - dum dum dum duuuuummmm. (Get a lil' of Beethoven's 5th in there) In the middle of the prayer, there seemed to be a lil' phrase of "gibberish" that I didn't understand. I expected to bust up laughing at the strangeness of it all, but it seemed very normal and REAL that it didn't phase me. At all. During worship, people were not only shouting but shouting in tongues!!! It was unfamiliar to me but didn't seem like they were doing anything wrong or anything like that. The sermon came. It was long, but good. It was about cursing the fruitless trees in our life. Things that get in the way of the Spirit like fear, doubt, our past, etc. Let me tell ya, I had some junk to get rid of. And while I've found that we do an altar call at every service (or at least 99%), I felt led to go up (even though it was my first Sunday at this new strange church). I prayed, people laid hands, I cried, relief spread over me. It was amazing...
We went back. August 5, 2012 is a day that I will never forget! It's my baptism day! At the morning service, after much contemplation about Holy Spirit Baptism and speaking in tongues, Nichole and I received it! We spoke in tongues and people prayed hard over us for us to let loose. I resisted as much as I could because it was the craziest thing hearing jumbled sounds come out of my mouth. It took a lot of faith to know that those sounds meant something to God. Here's the link that I studied to learn more about Holy Spirit Baptism...if you don't know about speaking in tongues or if you wanna know more about the blessing and why it is still for today and why anyone can speak in tongues who want to...click on the link!!! Holy Spirit Baptism Teaching
Anyway, so I was speaking in tongues but I was first paralyzed in fear. I was scared to do it because it meant I had to give up control. I was gonna sound a lil' crazy. BUT, after doing it...I will never regret it. Alright, so beyond that, after I calmed down and stopped shaking and regained movement/control of my body, I decided I wanted to be baptized in water again because I walked away from God and I wanted that fresh start and to make that declaration about what I believe and Who I believe in! SO, I was baptized in water at the 6:30pm service. The water was ice cold! LOL! The only thing I remember is that I was in pain going into the water, but coming up from it I had no pain. About a week later, I began having pain again, but it was minimal. So little I didn't let it bother me. In fact, I stopped taking all of my meds. YES, ALL of them excluding my vitamins and one to help that blood work figure itself out. That meant I came off of my meds for sleeping, sensitivity, fibromyalgia. That also meant that I came off of my bipolar mood-stabilizer, my anxiety meds, my anti-depressant, AND ALL of my narcotic pain medications. I came off of the med controlling migraine prevention and the list goes on and on. No more taking 22 pills before bedtime as well as in the morning and pain meds throughout the day. It's amazing!!!!!!!! I was so relieved! I hadn't been that pain-free in over a year!!! And from the mental side of things - I hadn't felt that good in YEARS!!!
Okay, so awesome, I'm now baptized and speaking in tongues. Great. BUT - it's more than that.
Being filled with the Holy Spirit, through Holy Spirit Baptism (explained above in that link), has changed my life. I have a confidence and boldness that I have never had before. I recognize sin faster and more clearly than ever before. I feel a special closeness to God that I had only felt on the mountain tops of my spiritual life and even now, I may be closer than ever before. My prayer life exists and is more real than ever before. I study the Bible and understand it better than before. I have a fire burning within me that is unlike any other that keeps me going, and while the enemy tries to blow it out now more than ever, he can't do it because he can't get me away from my God! More than anything else, I feel loved. I feel loved by God and by my church family. I haven't felt this loved since I came out and told everyone I was marrying a woman. Sure, my pastor is gay, but I can tell ya that he totally is in love with God and lives a holy and God-filled life! So, why can't I be a lesbian and be head-over-heels in love with God?! More than that, God still loves me. period. God hasn't abandoned me. Others have, but they are people (gotta love 'em), BUT, GOD HASN'T!!! He is my life now. I can't wait to get home from work each day so I can spend more time with Him. Reading His Word sounds more appealing than anything these days. Addictions and hatred I've held onto for so long are being conquered in the name of Jesus Christ! I've seen healing in supernatural ways and I've grown in faith more than ever! The amazing thing is that even though I am back in church and in love with God, speaking in tongues, travailing, praying and studying daily, and worshiping like never before, THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!!! I don't know what God has in store. I don't know if I will be a pastor, evangelist, etc. I don't know if I'll start or have my own church someday. I don't know if I will travel the world as a missionary or if I will be called to go 1,491 miles like Abraham to another place! BUT, what I do know is that the second I can stop taking my medications and the second I start feeling loved and like I have a purpose is the second that my life changed and I learned how to be REAL!
ANYWAY, that's about all I have for ya. Needless to say, life is so much better than it's been. Control has been given to God. Forgiveness is reigning. And the enemy hates...HATES all of this! BUT, ha! I'm roaring from the lion of the tribe of Judah!!! And my ROAR will be loud! LOOK WHAT MY LORD HAS DONE!!!!
WORK
I am currently working at a day rehabilitation center for people with disabilities. I've been there since the VERY end of May 2012 and I LOVE it! They did all of their own training and I couldn't be happier with my job! I work with about 10 women (coworkers) even though most of the participants are guys. I have an awesome time with them whether it is doing crafts, reading books, watching movies, playing games, or even teaching them a lil' something, reading, or writing. I work with adults who have disabilities BUT they range in age from 18yo to 70-something. Someday, I'd love to run a center for pediatric disabilities as an after-school/summer program, but I have a long way to go before that can happen! The only downfall to where I work is that I am the youngest by like 25 years. Most of the time, it really doesn't matter, but the few short times...it can be real unhandy! But, I do my job and I always try to go over and above. I never leave work without knowing that I am making a difference and doing something worthwhile. Which is an awesome feeling!!!
SCHOOL
Currently, I'm not in school. I thought I would go back this fall (2012), but I really decided that it wouldn't make sense for me to do so. Finances are a complete mess right now. I'm planning a wedding (more on that later). I love my job and I'd have to switch jobs if I went back to school because of the field I'm in. And I don't know, honestly, if I want to go back. At least, not right now.
The main reason I had decided to quit going was so that I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life and where I was headed. It was totally something I did out of faith because I knew my parents wouldn't be happy with me coming out of school. (I also had quit because of my worsening health...more on that later too.) BUT, now, I have some sense of direction - and it doesn't necessarily involve schooling at the collegiate level.
Like I said before, I love my job and I'd love to open somewhere for kids with disabilities (no matter how severe) to come and learn and just be around other people! BUT, I've also regained a sense of calling to my life. A sense of where I'm at ministry wise. And because of that (which I'm gonna talk about later too), I don't think I will go back unless it is for a Christian ministry degree..OR something in the field I'm currently working in. Okay...going on since life seems to overlap in more than one category! LOL!
WEDDING
Yes, I mentioned it earlier, but I am planning a wedding. A wedding for November 17, 2012!!! It had initially been planned for August of 2014, however because Nichole's grandma is not doing fantastic with her cancer, we moved it up. (Prayers requested for her as she is starting her third round of chemotherapy for colon cancer.) Anyway, we are planning it in about three months when we had initially thought it would be like...2 years from now!!! It is a bit stressful, although I'm more relaxed about it than Nichole is! LOL. We do have someone helping plan the wedding for free though, so that helps! AND...it will be a smaller and simpler wedding than we had initially imagined it to be. (Which is great, but many friends and even family on both sides won't be included.) We are having it in Nov, so clearly it won't be an outside wedding like we had initially planned either...AND, unlike we had planned - we will actually be able to have a pastor wed us!!! (Thanks to Pastor Lenny! - More on him later.) Anyway, I hope there are no hard feelings to my HS and MSU friends who won't be able to come. We will only have about 3 months of budgeting to pay for the wedding since neither sides' family will help with the cost of the wedding. (Mainly because of their beliefs on homosexuality and marriage...which is whatever these days.) I can't afford our original list of nearly 300 guests so now it is about 50 with only immediate family members and grandparents invited. Sucks, but we'd rather have her grandma there with us to support us than a big (expensive) wedding. Hope everyone can understand!
HEALTH & GOD (They go together now.)
So, this is a bit of a testimony because I no longer have pain. My blood work still shows that there should be pain, but I have no more pain than a "slightly overweight" female should who doesn't exercise. LOL!
On July 29, 2012, Nichole and I visited Light of Love Fellowship in St. Louis. We are a gay-affirming church where anyone and everyone is welcome regardless of background, etc. (Light of Love Fellowship - STL) I was extremely skeptical of the church because it certainly was not a United Methodist Church. It is labeled as a non-denominational church, but it is connected to the RPI (Reconciling Pentecostals International) church. The website didn't say much, but going in we knew that they were a church that believed in speaking in tongues and baptism by immersion. That's about it!
 |
| My Pastor Lenny Johnson getting fully ordained. September 1, 2012 - MSQ 2012 |
We went back. August 5, 2012 is a day that I will never forget! It's my baptism day! At the morning service, after much contemplation about Holy Spirit Baptism and speaking in tongues, Nichole and I received it! We spoke in tongues and people prayed hard over us for us to let loose. I resisted as much as I could because it was the craziest thing hearing jumbled sounds come out of my mouth. It took a lot of faith to know that those sounds meant something to God. Here's the link that I studied to learn more about Holy Spirit Baptism...if you don't know about speaking in tongues or if you wanna know more about the blessing and why it is still for today and why anyone can speak in tongues who want to...click on the link!!! Holy Spirit Baptism Teaching
Anyway, so I was speaking in tongues but I was first paralyzed in fear. I was scared to do it because it meant I had to give up control. I was gonna sound a lil' crazy. BUT, after doing it...I will never regret it. Alright, so beyond that, after I calmed down and stopped shaking and regained movement/control of my body, I decided I wanted to be baptized in water again because I walked away from God and I wanted that fresh start and to make that declaration about what I believe and Who I believe in! SO, I was baptized in water at the 6:30pm service. The water was ice cold! LOL! The only thing I remember is that I was in pain going into the water, but coming up from it I had no pain. About a week later, I began having pain again, but it was minimal. So little I didn't let it bother me. In fact, I stopped taking all of my meds. YES, ALL of them excluding my vitamins and one to help that blood work figure itself out. That meant I came off of my meds for sleeping, sensitivity, fibromyalgia. That also meant that I came off of my bipolar mood-stabilizer, my anxiety meds, my anti-depressant, AND ALL of my narcotic pain medications. I came off of the med controlling migraine prevention and the list goes on and on. No more taking 22 pills before bedtime as well as in the morning and pain meds throughout the day. It's amazing!!!!!!!! I was so relieved! I hadn't been that pain-free in over a year!!! And from the mental side of things - I hadn't felt that good in YEARS!!!
Okay, so awesome, I'm now baptized and speaking in tongues. Great. BUT - it's more than that.
 |
| My Baptism by Water |
ANYWAY, that's about all I have for ya. Needless to say, life is so much better than it's been. Control has been given to God. Forgiveness is reigning. And the enemy hates...HATES all of this! BUT, ha! I'm roaring from the lion of the tribe of Judah!!! And my ROAR will be loud! LOOK WHAT MY LORD HAS DONE!!!!
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