OH MY GOODNESS: Day 47 Update!!!

Today was interesting. Actually, it still is interesting! VERY interesting. I was going to attempt to wear my "hijab" style out today...Merely going to Walmart. Seems simple, right?! No. On the way there, I freaked out about it. And, it eventually turned into taking the head cover ALL THE WAY OFF!!! I had brought a normal scarf to wrap if I couldn't wear the hijab out, but I choose to NOT wear my cover inside to Walmart. Let me just say...BAD DECISION!!!!!!!!!!

Perhaps you will recognize the feeling of "I know that I'm doing something wrong, but I'm gonna try it anyway" from when you were a kid. Well, I had one of those feelings today as I walked through Walmart with my head COMPLETELY uncovered!!! Let me reiterate: BAD BAD BAD BAAADDDD decision. People seemed to be staring at me. I must have been walking quickly since I almost took out a kid or two along the way. And the ladies who seemed to take FOREVER getting their milk made me CRAZY! By the time I had rushed my way to wait impatiently in line, I must have looked horrible. I'm sure it was just a pleasantry, but the cashier asked me..."Are you doing okay today?" Not a "How are you?" The previous question seems a bit more severe. I wonder if there was some ridonkulous look on my face. Or if it was merely a nudge from God. But, God certainly slapped me in the face with this Walmart Run. And IMMEDIATELY I started thinking...OH MY GOODNESS! What have I done!?

Not only did I feel like a rebellious kid, I also felt like I had disappointed God. I had started feeling like I was in control of this whole head covering thing and that "I" could CHOOSE when to wear my cover and when I could take it off. I guess my Walmart run was MORE than a gentle reminder of Who is truly in control.

I obviously realize that I am supposed to be wearing my head covering at this time in my life. I don't know if I will ever take it off. But, I do know that if I ever take it off again, it won't be because I'm planning my strategies of how not to wear my cover! IF I EVER EVER EVER TAKE OFF MY COVER, IT WILL BE BECAUSE GOD HAS ALLOWED ME TO.

Real quick: Here's a couple more benefits I realized from this experience, besides obeying My God...When I put my cover on, it reminds me to slow down. I start to realize people. Real faces. Not just some old lady shopping at Walmart. It keeps the Mission of Christ real in my life. Also, I realize how easily women are disrespected in this society. With my cover being on, for the previous 46 days, I have been respected as a woman. With it off, people didn't make a point to show respect. Now, I don't cover for me. I cover for God. But, these are certainly benefits that I will no longer take for granted with covering.

That's all for now! I gotta go to church! SEE YA!

Day 46: UPDATE!

Hi Everyone!

So, I just wanted to give an update about everything that's going on in my life right now. This will probably end up being a ramble about head covering and divorce. Haha...

SO...It's been more than 45 days of head covering! I counted that this is day 46 of head covering. I still can't believe that it's been that long. THOUGH, some days, it seems like I've been covering all my life. I wonder how many times I will get asked the same questions over and over again! Why do you cover? But you're a Christian! Do you take everything in the Bible literally? Why would you cover such beautiful hair? Etc. Can't people be more creative in constructing their questions?! Granted, I did get one question a few weeks ago that I was really impressed by! It was regarding the pastoral ministry and covering my head. If I remember, I'll post it following this one!

Other than the bad questions, I have been feeling a nudge from God to try wearing my scarf "hijab" style, which seems to be accepted as the "Muslim look." I am still not sure on this one. I think the style is EXTREMELY comfortable. It doesn't push back my ears quite as tight as the bun style. I wrapped my head as such earlier today (and I have it as such again), but I couldn't bring myself to going out with it on. I don't think it really matters how I cover my head, as much as that I DO cover my head (in accordance with what God's will is for my life). I also think that I am afraid of rejection. I want people to like me. So, it's getting harder and harder to branch out and be different because the differences seem to be creating a separation between me and the world. God did say that we are to be "in" the world, but not "of" the world, so it really shouldn't be a problem. BUT, there is still that idea that people will not support me if I begin "to look like a Muslim." EVEN WORSE...I'm most afraid to wear it like a hijab around "church people." Sometime, I'll explain it...But long story short is that outsiders (non-Christians) are more OPEN-MINDED than some Christians are. Sad story, right?! Gotta love one denomination's view of their church...Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors. LOVE IT! :)

Anyhow, other than head covering...My parents divorce is either finalized or dismissed on Thursday (not tomorrow...Sept 30). SO, prayers that it all goes well and it is finalized with a "fair" settlement. Hopefully, my sibs and I will all adjust quickly and smoothly!

Another prayer request for my cousin Melissa who had surgery today and is having a few complications with the recovery process (high blood pressure). Surgery went well though, so a praise there!

Alright...I think that's enough for now! Oh, and here's a shout out to my Besties Julie and Nichole! You ladies are awesome and you truly keep me going when things get rough. Thanks for always being there for me! AND...For loving me MORE!

I'm out! Thanks for reading!

Heartache and Healing...

So, I thought I would write to make sure everyone is up to speed about what's going on in my life right now...

I am still covering. It has been going pretty well. Yesterday, my church family saw me with my head cover on for the second week in a row. (I went home to preach last weekend, and I wore it.) I think most people just assumed that it was a fashion statement the first time, but it really shocked some people to see me with it on again! I had one woman come up to me in tears because she didn't understand why I was covering "such beautiful hair." Honestly, my heart broke, yet I was reminded of why I wear my head cover. It isn't because of vanity. I don't wear it for modesty...I wear it because of the Scripture and what God has specifically asked me to do in regards to that Scripture. It's been 37 days that I have worn my head covering full time (meaning while I am awake). During this time, I have been reminded constantly to pray (especially when people are so distraught with my decision that they stare for long, awkward amounts of time). I have learned not to make my covering another meaningless habit. I think a major part of it is making sure that I remind myself why I cover every morning when I get up. If I don't have my devotional time in the morning where I connect on a deep level with God and remind myself why I cover, the day goes much rougher than it should go! Looking forward to learning more about myself, others, and ultimately God through my head covering...

This past week was EXTREMELY hard on me. I really fell into a depressed mood with no motivation or passion for anything in this life, or for life itself. It caused a lot of heartache on me, and the persons pulling me through the storm! I REALLY appreciate my besties! :) It didn't help that I did a lot of questioning about what I believe and who God really is...And my favorite, HOW DOES THE TRINITY MAKE SENSE?!?! At one point in time, I was so frustrated with the fact that, sometimes, God is incomprehensible that I stopped looking to God for help to get me through everything. (Not a wise choice.) However, because a friend was struggling with many of the same issues, we were able to talk about life and our beliefs. Some of it, we were able to work out...but I think our main conclusion is Job 42...Sometimes, we don't always know what God is up to...BUT, we have to trust that He knows what's best and have a lil' faith (even as small amount as a mustard seed) to pull us through. And thus, the healing began...

The healing is still happening. The aches are still wearing off from this past week...but God is healing them through asking me to dig into His Word and stay on my knees in a regular prayer time. Through fellowship with other Christians and worship, I am able to stay connected, which is SOOO important!

Anyhow, I told myself not to make this too long...so if you've actually made it to here...THANKS for reading! :) So, that's all for now!

Loving God, Loving People...That's what it's all about! Realize there will be heartache and healing along the way...But God never leaves your side!