I knew if I got too close he would go. I knew if I learned to love he who didn't speak he would leave. I knew if I let him into my life he would change not only my life but me.
It started with just a hello with no response. I never thought I would ever be able to carry on complete conversations with someone who didn't respond except with a subtle movement of his eyes on a good day! But one visit became two and before I knew it, I was visiting two or three times a week for hours at a time! I became friends with the family without them ever knowing me. With all that time around this boy, 3yo Jalen, I began to know how he communicated. I could see in his eyes what he was responding. I even learned some basic nursing practices. Through those many times in a couple short months, I went from being a half-committed English education major to a scared to death nursing major! I applied and was accepted to school. I had never been more certain of my career choice in my entire life!!! It felt so good!!! Jalen cheered me on all the way. He was with me as I made a mess of his G-button. And he was with me as I learned how to push medicines, start a feeding, suction a trach and nose/mouth, and change a diaper (with a nice bladder massage). And let's not forget my adventures with learning how to read and talk to patients who don't respond orally. Yes. I'm not a master. But I have learned a lot from a three year old boy. He has taught me more about life than life itself. But more than anything, I have learned to follow my heart. Because at the end of the day, that's about the only thing I can claim as mine. So I might as well follow where it leads.
I may not be your ideal image of a nurse. That's because I'm not. I want to be a school nurse. I wanna work with kids. I don't care how old, but kids. And perhaps some day I will get to work with the most special children of all. Kids like Jalen. For now, I'm just trying to figure out why Jalen left me to do the rest on my own.......He was supposed to live to be 32!!! ;)
You are missed by many you've blessed, Jalen!!!!
