Circling My Jericho

I've been reading a lot lately.  Saturday, I finished a book called The God Chasers by Tommy Tenney.  It was an excellent read because it increased the desire for God's here and now presence. To read someone else's words about the lack of the Bread of Life in the church and how we've created man-made services, how we often come to worship expecting a blessing, but how we often forget to worship the Blesser.  Anyway, that's one of the books I've read.

The other book that I'm spending time with is The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson.  It talks about our prayer life.  Often, we pray once and then "leave it in God's hands."  BUT...We should rather be persistently praying for the impossible to happen.

Batterson talks about drawing prayer circles around your Jericho, or rather the miracle or dream that your life revolves around.  He says: "You've got to define the promises God wants you to stake claim to, the miracles God wants you to believe for, and the dreams God wants you to pursue" (pg 22).  This also is emphasized in the Gospel when two blind men call out for Jesus and Jesus asks them, "What do you want me to do for you?"  It seems silly to ask that since it is obvious that they are blind.  Batterson says, "Jesus made them verbalize their desire...It wasn't because Jesus didn't know what they wanted; He wanted to make sure they knew what they wanted" (pg 22).

So, here I am.  Attempting to define what I believe God has called me to in this life and claim God's promises for me.  Some of these, I believe, will be for now.  Some of them will be for later.  Some of them I may not receive it fully until heaven.  But regardless, I know that I have a God of the impossible.  God likes it when we can believe for the impossible because He knows that we are completely dependent on Him when it comes to the impossible.  If we can do it ourselves, it isn't big enough.  When Nichole and I got together, or even before that...when we were merely friends...I always told her "Dream BIG."  It wasn't because she had small dreams, but I wanted her to be able to reach for something out of her reach, beyond what the human in her could do.  Thus, I never ask anyone to do anything I won't do myself.  This is my "Dream BIG" moment or my drawing prayer circles around my Jericho.

I believe God has given me the passion to work with people who have disabilities, but I also believe He has called me to dream bigger than a support staff at a day center.  I believe I can dream to allow the Ultimate Teacher to teach me, through school or whatever, to go further.

I believe God has called me into the ministry, I don't know where, but I know that He has called me to earnestly search for Him and in that, I will find my call.

I believe God will take my marriage deep and far beyond where we are now.  I believe our marriage covenant will last.  I believe God will take us places we never could imagine because we're trusting in Him.  I believe that He will give us children.  I believe He will manage our finances to allow us to buy a house.  And I believe these things will happen sooner than later.  I believe Jehovah Jireh will provide us with the ability to tithe and get out of debt!

I believe God will heal me.  This one seems the most impossible right now, but I'm claiming it!  I want full healing from my mind to my body.  No more lupus.  No more fibromyalgia.  No more migraines.  No more bipolar. No more depression.  No more anxiety.  No sickness needed!  I believe God honors this huge prayer and as both books said before, "Prayers never die."  I never really had thought about it, but it really makes me think about what I'm praying for.  Am I praying for the things that stick?  Or am I praying for temporal things?  That doesn't mean I don't pray for the bills to be paid and food to be on the table, but it reminds me what is important.

"Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." - Matthew 6:33

So, Dream BIG!  Write out some of your dreams, all of them if you can!  These are just a few of mine, there are several that I keep deep within my heart and share only with my wife and journal.  But, dream impossible dreams.  God is glorified by our impossible prayers because that means we see Him as a God who is able rather than small.

DREAM!  Circle your Jericho with prayers.

"Well-developed faith results in well-defined prayers, and well-defined prayers result in a well-lived life" (Batterson, pg 23).

Walls of Jericho

Is Vegan Worth It?

I suppose you could say I'm vegan now.

I didn't grow up vegan.  Believe me, there was lots of steak and bacon and hamburger and delicious things like that growing up in my parents' house.  Honestly, I ate meat and a lot of it up until mid-December and then cut it out completely in January.

In November of 2010, I began having health issues and a lot of them.  My weight was ever increasing due to the lack of exercises because of body wide pain caused by fibromyalgia and lupus (SLE), diagnosed in September of 2011.  My migraines got worse to the point where I was going to the ER OFTEN in order to get rid of them since my at home meds were not working.  I was physically incapacitated by the migraines.  And pain struck high notes throughout my body constantly.  I lived in pain.

I heard through a lot of research that going gluten-free helped pain.  SO, Nichole and I went gluten free.  I'm sure you all remember my days of being gluten free and there were quite a few nay-sayers when we went gluten free.  It was a major ordeal to go to the grocery store to find food that was gluten free.  We had six pages with three columns on each page of ingredients chemicals to avoid with gluten.  Like I said, it was a major ordeal.  Not only was it a LONG adventure, it also was EXPENSIVE!!!  Many gluten free foods are 2-3 dollars more than normal food.  A half-loaf of break was around $5 where a normal WHOLE loaf is less than $2.  It was a major break to our budget.  We stopped because of the expense, though it did help us feel better.  (Nichole has lupus, fibro, and migraines too.)  We probably stuck with it for 6 months or so...

Well, January was approaching fast and a few friends decided to all put $10 in the pot towards losing 15% of our total initial body weight.  That meant losing 25lbs or so for me.  (Do not do the math!!!)  ;)  Well, Nichole and I decided we would begin to eat healthier when we began at the beginning of December.  By January, we ate no meat, no dairy, no sweets (including natural sweeteners).  It was a long month, but we made it well and we felt better than EVER!  God showed us both a lot of things about how unhealthy we were eating and more.  But most of all, we were both happy with how we were looking and feeling!  We took the cooking time for dinner as "us" time...because most of our meals took FOREVER to make since we couldn't use a lot of the easy 15-minute box meals.  We made a lasagna that took three hours to make!  That was some definite bonding time since it tasted AWFUL!!!  But everything else that we've made has been pretty good!  Here's some of our deliciousness!!!

Quinoa Burger and corn

Broccoli Cheese Casserole

Kale and Artichoke Hot Pockets

Enchilada and Mexican Rice

Mushroom Strogonoff and Kale Saute

Pizza

Potpie 

Parmesean Crusted Tofu, Stir fry,
and brussel spouts (which were nasty)

Spaghetti with homemade sauce

First stab at tofu, and it turned out pretty good

Potato Skins

Chili or Taco Soup

If you want any of the recipes, email me at msuflute@gmail.com and I'll email it to you!  OR FB me.  But, we did stray beginning in February and that has turned out badly....I feel awful.  I'm back to eating sugar, milk, and eggs.  I'm beginning to think being vegan is worth the trouble.  I could care less about the trouble from my family and close friends when it comes to feeling good or miserable.  But, now I believe that I'm getting sick and that was after a splurge day full of ice cream, chocolate, and pizza (with meat...gasp!).  Clearly, while I still love the taste of all these things, it's not worth it.

I will stick to my dairy-free ice cream, chocolate almond milk, and dairy/meat free pizza!

Is vegan worth it?

I think so.

Loving Me

I've heard it said that you have to love yourself before you can love others.  But we also must hate our own life in order to take on the life God has for us.  So I guess the question is, "Where is that line drawn?"

For years, I've tried to love myself.  I've tried to look good, feel good, and make others think I look and feel good too.  I've tried to be smart and make the right decisions.  I've tried to impress everyone and anyone I possibly could.  I tried to make everyone happy.  But inside, I was dark, lonely, and insecure.

Insecurity...It's something Light of Love Fellowship is studying in our Joshua Outreach Bible Study.  I believe it defines the fine line between loving yourself and loving the you that God created you to be.  When someone is insecure about their looks, smarts, or other attributes, it leads to numerous issues like low self-esteem, pride (yes, I assure you this stems from being insecure), control issues, depression, anxiety, anger, jealously, etc.... even to the extent where someone commits suicide.  When insecurity is uprooted, often we feel empty unless it is replaced by something.

When it is replaced with faith in Jesus Christ, life goes smoother.  We no longer have to worry about the world's judgement.  We are covered by the blood of Jesus which perfects us before the throne.  We are able to rejoice when things aren't going our way because we know that God is working for the good of those who love Him.  We are able to see ourselves as children of the King.  We see hope and light where there once was none just because we know His Name has power and salvation is ours!  We know Jehovah Jireh - Our God as Provider!  We don't have to worry about where the next meal will come from or how we will pay that electric bill.  We have a whole mindset changed.

Nichole, my wife, asked me the other day if I could ask God anything and get a straight-forward answer, what would I ask.  I said, "I would want to know why mental illnesses exist and what good come from them other than the power exalted from God as our Healer."  Nichole merely responded with "Good question."  But it got me thinking.

Most of you all know this, if not, welcome to my life/journal.  I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  I assure you, I'm not crazy to the extent where I can't be around knives or things like that, but I've been in that dark place.  I've spun in my mind to the extent where there is no hope or light in sight.  I honestly can say that I HATE my bipolar self.  I've pleaded with God for healing, and I believe one day, if not here then in heaven, I will receive healing.  BUT, right now, I have to deal with myself every day.  And I don't care if you have the worst illness out there, this word is for you.  If you give Him control over your mind and begin to lift those things up in prayer like none other trusting in Him to take care of it, peace will come.  I may not be able to get healing right now, but I can make a conscious effort to keep peace in my mind.  In doing this, my fears, concerns that I once was insecure about, I'm releasing and uprooting them.  The emptiness is being replaced by love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control...

I love who I'm becoming, not in a prideful way, because it is only through God and His grace that I am anything other than a frantic mess.  I encourage you to figure out what you're insecure about...rebuke the insecurity and lift it to God who can replace it with Him.

Loving me isn't easy with chronic pain and mental issues...but it's made possible ONLY by God.