Today is the last day of Endometriosis Awareness Month. I do not suffer from endo, but I know quite a few people who do every single day of their lives. I hope and pray that one day a cure will be found from this horrible disease. This article really does talk about what it really means to have endo. I encourage you to read this article that is linked, and post comments below if you want to. But know that I didn't write this article. Dr. Cook posted it online. But it really does capture what so many women around you are going through. Please read!!! :) And say a prayer for all those with endo tonight...and every night!
What It Really Means to Have Endometriosis
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Pruning
It was a short girl. Her brown hair tied back into a pony tail and her eyelids shut over the deep blue eyes. Kneeling in front of a wooden bar that bends with the weight her body. Slowly, she rocks back and forth. Hoping there was another way. But knowing that this was the only way. Gently, a tear strolled down her cheek. Wiping it with the back of her hand, she rose from the altar and walked back to the pew where she had been sitting that evening.
That evening, the pastor had talked about pruning the dead and unfruitful branches from one's life. He had talked about giving up something that was keeping us distracted, away from Jesus. He talked about it like it was so easy to do, yet, deep within him, he knew it was harder to do than most of his job. He told the prayer meeting that they needed to search and listen for God's voice on what was dead in their lives. And in the five minutes of silence amongst the church after the reading of John 15:2, God spoke ever so clearly to her.
She wanted so badly to escape the flood of thoughts that rushed into her mind. Memories that made the friendship seem irreplaceable and greatly needed. Thoughts of times when no value could be placed on the friendship and things seemed priceless. But something was missing. Some crucial element of the friendship was lost like the life-source of a vine. Nothing could replace the element except the element itself. (Not much of a replacement?!) She recalled both the good and the bad times. When things started going sour yet each strength that came out of each struggle stood as a landmark in the friendship. But soon, both trust and mistrust tore down those landmarks. They were merely dust and stumps in the ground. The terrain became rough and neither party was willing to cross the way by themselves. She knew that this dead desert had haunted her since the day they both walked away from it. This was the dead branch the pastor had talked about that night. But was she willing to give it up?
Yet it had haunted her enough that it was distracting. It got in the way of her sleep and other friendships. It seemed to posses some supernatural power to always arrive in the worst of times. It poked her often and tripped her. Surely the only good this branch would do is to be made into firewood! Yet that night, she was given another option - to give it to God.
So there she was. Kneeling at the altar, giving Him the one thing that she knew so well, from life to death. She knew at that moment that it was out of her hands. Nothing she could do could bring it back to life. So, she gave it to Him out of obedience, but also in a sense of hopelessness. There's nothing more that she wanted at that moment, but to bring the friendship back to life. The black ash showed that the branch had withstood quite a bit of fire, but now...there was no life within it. What would God do with it? she asked. But she left it at the altar. Feeling it gone from her life, she felt a sense of relief.
Perhaps she is merely human, but the branch hasn't been forgotten. It is still brought up on occasion. But she's learning that she can't have it back. Not the way it was. (Though, she doesn't want it back the way she gave it to Him.) Perhaps the life-giving capability of the Gardener will bring it back and make it fruitful. Perhaps someday the branch will be forgotten. But for now, and evermore, it is in His hands.
Still, nothing is solved. All that remains is unfinished work. But it is work she cannot do.
Kneeling by her bedside, she holds tight to the crucifix of her rosary. Tears stroll down her face onto her blue blanket leaving drops of wetness. Rocking back and forth she remembers that night. The dimmed lights of the sanctuary. The never-ending silence that flooded the building. She remembers kneeling at the rail giving God the deadened branch in her life that she was so reluctant to hand over. She wants nothing more than the void of the branch to be filled. She cries out to God to fill the void. A warmth spreads over her that is warmer than any blanket can provide. Her heart stops racing and the tears stop flowing. Peace gathers from within.
***
It sounds crazy, I know. I have no clue if this person still reads my blog, but if so, I hope they know that they are still loved, but are not the only one hurt by the loss of trust. For trust was lost even before one might assume. You see, lack of communication reigns as one of the biggest problems in our society. And when there is lack of communication, there is lack of trust. When communication is no longer happening on one end, the friendship dies a slow death. It is the same with the branches within our lives. If they are not connected to the Vine, how can they ever be in communication? In fact, they die when they are not connected to the Vine! But more than that, they lose any hope of ever regaining life. It is only when the branch is brought to the Divine Gardener that things can begin looking up. God will not sew back on the dead branch. It doesn't work like that. And I don't know what God will do with the branch I've given Him. But as a branch on Jesus' Vine, I want to strive to be all the Gardener has ever imagined me to be. And allowing Him to prune and shape me into the person He wants me to be. Because, after all, I only see part of the plan(t).
That evening, the pastor had talked about pruning the dead and unfruitful branches from one's life. He had talked about giving up something that was keeping us distracted, away from Jesus. He talked about it like it was so easy to do, yet, deep within him, he knew it was harder to do than most of his job. He told the prayer meeting that they needed to search and listen for God's voice on what was dead in their lives. And in the five minutes of silence amongst the church after the reading of John 15:2, God spoke ever so clearly to her.
She wanted so badly to escape the flood of thoughts that rushed into her mind. Memories that made the friendship seem irreplaceable and greatly needed. Thoughts of times when no value could be placed on the friendship and things seemed priceless. But something was missing. Some crucial element of the friendship was lost like the life-source of a vine. Nothing could replace the element except the element itself. (Not much of a replacement?!) She recalled both the good and the bad times. When things started going sour yet each strength that came out of each struggle stood as a landmark in the friendship. But soon, both trust and mistrust tore down those landmarks. They were merely dust and stumps in the ground. The terrain became rough and neither party was willing to cross the way by themselves. She knew that this dead desert had haunted her since the day they both walked away from it. This was the dead branch the pastor had talked about that night. But was she willing to give it up?
Yet it had haunted her enough that it was distracting. It got in the way of her sleep and other friendships. It seemed to posses some supernatural power to always arrive in the worst of times. It poked her often and tripped her. Surely the only good this branch would do is to be made into firewood! Yet that night, she was given another option - to give it to God.
So there she was. Kneeling at the altar, giving Him the one thing that she knew so well, from life to death. She knew at that moment that it was out of her hands. Nothing she could do could bring it back to life. So, she gave it to Him out of obedience, but also in a sense of hopelessness. There's nothing more that she wanted at that moment, but to bring the friendship back to life. The black ash showed that the branch had withstood quite a bit of fire, but now...there was no life within it. What would God do with it? she asked. But she left it at the altar. Feeling it gone from her life, she felt a sense of relief.
Perhaps she is merely human, but the branch hasn't been forgotten. It is still brought up on occasion. But she's learning that she can't have it back. Not the way it was. (Though, she doesn't want it back the way she gave it to Him.) Perhaps the life-giving capability of the Gardener will bring it back and make it fruitful. Perhaps someday the branch will be forgotten. But for now, and evermore, it is in His hands.
Still, nothing is solved. All that remains is unfinished work. But it is work she cannot do.
Kneeling by her bedside, she holds tight to the crucifix of her rosary. Tears stroll down her face onto her blue blanket leaving drops of wetness. Rocking back and forth she remembers that night. The dimmed lights of the sanctuary. The never-ending silence that flooded the building. She remembers kneeling at the rail giving God the deadened branch in her life that she was so reluctant to hand over. She wants nothing more than the void of the branch to be filled. She cries out to God to fill the void. A warmth spreads over her that is warmer than any blanket can provide. Her heart stops racing and the tears stop flowing. Peace gathers from within.
***
It sounds crazy, I know. I have no clue if this person still reads my blog, but if so, I hope they know that they are still loved, but are not the only one hurt by the loss of trust. For trust was lost even before one might assume. You see, lack of communication reigns as one of the biggest problems in our society. And when there is lack of communication, there is lack of trust. When communication is no longer happening on one end, the friendship dies a slow death. It is the same with the branches within our lives. If they are not connected to the Vine, how can they ever be in communication? In fact, they die when they are not connected to the Vine! But more than that, they lose any hope of ever regaining life. It is only when the branch is brought to the Divine Gardener that things can begin looking up. God will not sew back on the dead branch. It doesn't work like that. And I don't know what God will do with the branch I've given Him. But as a branch on Jesus' Vine, I want to strive to be all the Gardener has ever imagined me to be. And allowing Him to prune and shape me into the person He wants me to be. Because, after all, I only see part of the plan(t).
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Grandma's Cookin'
Yesterday, I made sausage links. You probably think I'm crazy, but I definitely like my links WELL DONE! So, nearly burnt. Some prefer them to be slightly brown. Or, for instance, who doesn't have an opinion about bacon?! Most of us know whether we like our bacon chewy or crispy, burnt or dipped in chocolate. Some may not even like bacon at all or choose not to eat it for one reason or another. But, we all differ in various ways I think it is interesting how we can differ, yet remain tied.
A few weeks ago, I was attempting to make some hamburger. I was at a friend's house, so I was browning the beef while she was taking care of another part of the meal. Apparently, I was doing it wrong. She did not care for my way of cooking. Although, had I finished, the ground beef would have turned out exactly the way that her cooking provided. I merely had a different way of doing it.
Of course, the sausage links turned out amazingly, but my friend had to trust that I knew what I was doing...And even though I really had no clue, other than years of watchin' grandma cook, she trusted that I wasn't losing my mind and cooking them in a strange way. She had never made 'em in a skillet anyway. :) AND THEN...She told me that she doesn't make bacon in a skillet anymore...Instead, she informed me that she makes microwavable bacon?!?!?! Needless to say, I wasn't so sure about this microwavable bacon. I feel like it ain't anything like grandma's cookin'!
Now, I'm not the best chef by any means. In fact, my french toast is HORRIBLE! I burn it, or the middle isn't done, or the mixture of eggs, vanilla, and cinnamon isn't right. I haven't made french toast in YEARS since the last time I tried to make it, which was somewhere around 12-ish??? So, while I can pull off hamburger and sausage, and EVEN bacon, my french toast is helpless.
I can't make a gourmet breakfast alone. I can only do the part that I am good at. I leave the rest up to someone else. And I suppose that's how life is. We can only do one part, because we are all unique and differ in many ways...from the way we cook to what we can actually make happen.
A few weeks ago, I was attempting to make some hamburger. I was at a friend's house, so I was browning the beef while she was taking care of another part of the meal. Apparently, I was doing it wrong. She did not care for my way of cooking. Although, had I finished, the ground beef would have turned out exactly the way that her cooking provided. I merely had a different way of doing it.
Of course, the sausage links turned out amazingly, but my friend had to trust that I knew what I was doing...And even though I really had no clue, other than years of watchin' grandma cook, she trusted that I wasn't losing my mind and cooking them in a strange way. She had never made 'em in a skillet anyway. :) AND THEN...She told me that she doesn't make bacon in a skillet anymore...Instead, she informed me that she makes microwavable bacon?!?!?! Needless to say, I wasn't so sure about this microwavable bacon. I feel like it ain't anything like grandma's cookin'!
Now, I'm not the best chef by any means. In fact, my french toast is HORRIBLE! I burn it, or the middle isn't done, or the mixture of eggs, vanilla, and cinnamon isn't right. I haven't made french toast in YEARS since the last time I tried to make it, which was somewhere around 12-ish??? So, while I can pull off hamburger and sausage, and EVEN bacon, my french toast is helpless.
I can't make a gourmet breakfast alone. I can only do the part that I am good at. I leave the rest up to someone else. And I suppose that's how life is. We can only do one part, because we are all unique and differ in many ways...from the way we cook to what we can actually make happen.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Past the Food
Day 18
~ John 6:48-58
~ Proverbs 18
*Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you." - John 6:53 (NIV)
I'm not one who is big on diet fads. They come and go and come again, but nothing seems to really be the "one." But, fairly recently, I've started a diet, not to lose weight, but to help with the pain I've been experiencing for some months now. If you hang around this blog much, you'll know that it is a gluten-free diet. Although I've only been doing this for a little less than a month, it seems to be proving helpful with the pain and I clearly know when I eat something that is not gluten free. While I seem to have a choice in the matter, I really think that choice is becoming a permanent one because of the amount of help it has proven to be.
Obviously, this verse is in the midst of Jesus' bread of life speech. But, after celebrating the Eucharist tonight with the Emmaus/Chrysalis community, this passage jumped off the page as something that seemed very communion like. And initially, it made me really frustrated.
Going back to the gluten free stuff...yes. Communion bread (the kind most churches/events use) is DEFINITELY NOT gluten free. So, tonight, I went up for a blessing rather than the communion meal, which was no less than awkward. I never thought I'd ever have to go gluten free, so when it was a huge deal for one of my friends to not be able to take communion because her body rejects gluten, it really didn't catch me too off guard. I wasn't really sure how she was feeling. But going to an Ash Wednesday service at my home church, or communion Sunday at my home church, or even just to this Emmaus event and not being able to take communion because of this gluten free thing really irks me! Yes, I have a choice...because I could take it and feel the worsened pain, but I'd rather not go through that again and again each time. I guess it is merely out of the norm for me. And then people look at you awkward when you've taken communion for however many years and now you aren't because you can't eat the bread?!?! Of course, they don't understand or know that. Hence the weird looks.
Anyhow, I suppose I just needed to rant about that. I am grateful for churches that have the gluten free cracker things. It's still different than that wonderful homemade bread that sometimes is still warm. But, at least I can partake in the meal.
No matter how much this whole thing irks me, I think I see more to communion than just the bread and juice. I've seen it before, but it's never been more prevalent than now. Try to read that verse thinking of the bread and juice more of symbols of Jesus rather than food...and life more in the sense of joy/fulfillment.
It seems to portray something much deeper than food can satisfy. It cures a hunger, yes. But it brings something that can change a lifetime. It brings something that can calm one's soul. It brings something that is a never-ending joy in life. Of course, that's all about the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. I just find it comforting to remember that though I won't partake of the elements of the meal, I still have the company and the life-giving element by coming to the table.
Thankfully, Jesus allows for people with special food needs at His table!
~ John 6:48-58
~ Proverbs 18
*Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you." - John 6:53 (NIV)
I'm not one who is big on diet fads. They come and go and come again, but nothing seems to really be the "one." But, fairly recently, I've started a diet, not to lose weight, but to help with the pain I've been experiencing for some months now. If you hang around this blog much, you'll know that it is a gluten-free diet. Although I've only been doing this for a little less than a month, it seems to be proving helpful with the pain and I clearly know when I eat something that is not gluten free. While I seem to have a choice in the matter, I really think that choice is becoming a permanent one because of the amount of help it has proven to be.
Obviously, this verse is in the midst of Jesus' bread of life speech. But, after celebrating the Eucharist tonight with the Emmaus/Chrysalis community, this passage jumped off the page as something that seemed very communion like. And initially, it made me really frustrated.
Going back to the gluten free stuff...yes. Communion bread (the kind most churches/events use) is DEFINITELY NOT gluten free. So, tonight, I went up for a blessing rather than the communion meal, which was no less than awkward. I never thought I'd ever have to go gluten free, so when it was a huge deal for one of my friends to not be able to take communion because her body rejects gluten, it really didn't catch me too off guard. I wasn't really sure how she was feeling. But going to an Ash Wednesday service at my home church, or communion Sunday at my home church, or even just to this Emmaus event and not being able to take communion because of this gluten free thing really irks me! Yes, I have a choice...because I could take it and feel the worsened pain, but I'd rather not go through that again and again each time. I guess it is merely out of the norm for me. And then people look at you awkward when you've taken communion for however many years and now you aren't because you can't eat the bread?!?! Of course, they don't understand or know that. Hence the weird looks.
Anyhow, I suppose I just needed to rant about that. I am grateful for churches that have the gluten free cracker things. It's still different than that wonderful homemade bread that sometimes is still warm. But, at least I can partake in the meal.
No matter how much this whole thing irks me, I think I see more to communion than just the bread and juice. I've seen it before, but it's never been more prevalent than now. Try to read that verse thinking of the bread and juice more of symbols of Jesus rather than food...and life more in the sense of joy/fulfillment.
It seems to portray something much deeper than food can satisfy. It cures a hunger, yes. But it brings something that can change a lifetime. It brings something that can calm one's soul. It brings something that is a never-ending joy in life. Of course, that's all about the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. I just find it comforting to remember that though I won't partake of the elements of the meal, I still have the company and the life-giving element by coming to the table.
Thankfully, Jesus allows for people with special food needs at His table!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Dose of Insomnia
Ever wondered what someone does or thinks about with a dose of insomnia??? Be prepared. The time has come that you should be informed!
Okay, well, not by me. But here is what is going through my mind tonight.
1. Fibro sucks. Like majorly. Enough said on that one!
2. Endo sucks. Like, more than fibro. And I don't even have it! BUT...It is still endometriosis awareness month, so all you people better be wearing lots of yellow and telling ppl about it so that way we can have a cure one day!!!!!!! :) Also, say a prayer for all those women out there with it and who continue to have surgery after surgery for this sucky disease!
3. Whatever else, if anything else, that haunts my body needs to go away or be treated via rheumy appt on Tuesday. Which I'm kind of nervous about. Not sure why. Just new I suppose.
4. This bed squeaks a lot. Every single time I move, even just to type. Annoying.
5. A teenager should not have to use a daily pill keeper thing to remember whether or not she took her meds. I honestly hope it doesn't come to this.
6. I should have ended with number five. Now I must come up with more things. Gotta end on a good number! :)
7. Aladdin is the name of my tiny beta fish. He's cute. Stubborn, but cute.
8. One heating blanket isn't working for me tonight. May consider getting the other one out of my Dad's van in order to get warm enough tonight for my body to relax. We'll see. That takes too much energy.
9. Nine is a multiple of three which is my favorite number, which makes 9 a good number. Sooo...
Good night! :) Happy Saturday!
OH...And I found this pic on a friend's blog and stole it from her. Enjoy said picture! Chronic pain sufferers ought understand this well.
Okay, well, not by me. But here is what is going through my mind tonight.
1. Fibro sucks. Like majorly. Enough said on that one!
2. Endo sucks. Like, more than fibro. And I don't even have it! BUT...It is still endometriosis awareness month, so all you people better be wearing lots of yellow and telling ppl about it so that way we can have a cure one day!!!!!!! :) Also, say a prayer for all those women out there with it and who continue to have surgery after surgery for this sucky disease!
3. Whatever else, if anything else, that haunts my body needs to go away or be treated via rheumy appt on Tuesday. Which I'm kind of nervous about. Not sure why. Just new I suppose.
4. This bed squeaks a lot. Every single time I move, even just to type. Annoying.
5. A teenager should not have to use a daily pill keeper thing to remember whether or not she took her meds. I honestly hope it doesn't come to this.
6. I should have ended with number five. Now I must come up with more things. Gotta end on a good number! :)
7. Aladdin is the name of my tiny beta fish. He's cute. Stubborn, but cute.
8. One heating blanket isn't working for me tonight. May consider getting the other one out of my Dad's van in order to get warm enough tonight for my body to relax. We'll see. That takes too much energy.
9. Nine is a multiple of three which is my favorite number, which makes 9 a good number. Sooo...
Good night! :) Happy Saturday!
OH...And I found this pic on a friend's blog and stole it from her. Enjoy said picture! Chronic pain sufferers ought understand this well.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Faith
Today's Readings:
~John 6:26-39
~Proverbs 17
~Romans 14-16
*So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and
God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he
approves. But whoever
has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from
faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin. - Romans 14:22-23 (NIV)
Faith
I've determined that the above verses are incredibly intriguing. Of course, they come after a long exposition where the Apostle Paul is talking about how a man should do what he has made up in his mind to do and that be it. BUT...don't cause anyone else stumble based on what you do. Furthermore, if you shake in your beliefs, that's bad. Follow what you believe, and be done. I think it is interesting that even EATING should be done in faith. EVERYTHING should come from faith. And, I think we honestly take most things on faith. The fact that I'm sitting on a bed is done by faith. I assume that when I sit on the bed, it will support me, and even be a lil bit comfy! :) We do much out of faith that we hardly realize. But making sure that we do everything in faith remembering that it all is God! Otherwise, it is sin. Kinda crazy to think about. Still trying to wrap my mind around what that means.
I didn't just want to talk about those verses tonight. I also wanted to talk about faith in regards to prayer. You know that phrase, "Be careful what you wish for, cause you just might get it!" Yes. I think that can be true with my prayers as well. A LONG while back, I started praying two very specific prayers. Well, I just now realized that they totally have "come true." Haha. Yes, God definitely granted these wishes, though I gotta admit...they have been a pain in my rear the last few months and I hardly realized it. I think I resisted much of the change that I had been praying for, which doesn't make sense, but I still did it. I wondered if I really knew what I was praying for. Haha. Anyhow, I will never admit to what these prayers actually were. So don't ask. But, I will say that it has been quite the journey since then. And I think realizing that I actually asked for these things to take place will help the journey through the change.
Anyhow, tonight is a WAY WAY WAY WAAAAYYYY bad night. My guess is that the gluten free diet thing is actually helping, so me (screwing it up last night) didn't help. That little bit of pasta was a BAD idea. Both for my stomach, and apparently my body. Anyone need a right leg??? Mine might be coming off soon...ha. Not to mention the rather long walk that we went on too last night. I shouldn't complain too much, since it was a good time. But, I am definitely paying for the work and energy it took today. Blah. Okay, hands are done now...........
Faith......just a mustard seed.......
Thursday, March 24, 2011
ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA
I've always wanted to name a blog that!
Today's Scripture:
~ John 5:19-30
~ Proverbs 16
~ Romans 11-13
*Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. - Romans 12:11 (NIV)
*Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for; through the fear of the Lord a man avoids evil. - Proverbs 16:6 (NIV)
ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA
The name of this blog is an accurate description of how I feel tonight. I feel backwards. Like everything I've done today has been taking more than one step backwards. I did absolutely no school work, which pretty much makes today useless. I ate gluten...BY FAR a bad idea. And I have no idea why my body reacted to it the way it did! Oh my goodness! It's not like I have an allergy or intolerance to it, though I could have sworn otherwise tonight. My stomach is STILL angry with me. However, I did help someone out tonight who needed a boost. I made dinner, helped clean up dinner, and hung out with her for a while. We even did a devotion time together where we talked about Genesis 37...Joseph and the Ornate Coat. It's interesting for me because I grew up in the church, and so did she, HOWEVER...She had NO idea what the story was about. I actually got to tell the story. Hardly needed a Bible to do it, considering she probably wouldn't have understood it that way either, but it was SOOO exciting to tell it to someone else. Haha. Anyhow, just seemed backwards since I was the one teaching the 49 year-old woman, rather than she teaching me. Oh well. I've always been the mature one???
Well, since I was HORRIBLE and ate gluten tonight, my entire body seems to be responding. Either to that or the LONG walk we went on with the dogs. I felt bad cutting it short too. It just WAS NOT going to happen. So, I'm done for the night.
Today's Scripture:
~ John 5:19-30
~ Proverbs 16
~ Romans 11-13
*Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. - Romans 12:11 (NIV)
*Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for; through the fear of the Lord a man avoids evil. - Proverbs 16:6 (NIV)
ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA
The name of this blog is an accurate description of how I feel tonight. I feel backwards. Like everything I've done today has been taking more than one step backwards. I did absolutely no school work, which pretty much makes today useless. I ate gluten...BY FAR a bad idea. And I have no idea why my body reacted to it the way it did! Oh my goodness! It's not like I have an allergy or intolerance to it, though I could have sworn otherwise tonight. My stomach is STILL angry with me. However, I did help someone out tonight who needed a boost. I made dinner, helped clean up dinner, and hung out with her for a while. We even did a devotion time together where we talked about Genesis 37...Joseph and the Ornate Coat. It's interesting for me because I grew up in the church, and so did she, HOWEVER...She had NO idea what the story was about. I actually got to tell the story. Hardly needed a Bible to do it, considering she probably wouldn't have understood it that way either, but it was SOOO exciting to tell it to someone else. Haha. Anyhow, just seemed backwards since I was the one teaching the 49 year-old woman, rather than she teaching me. Oh well. I've always been the mature one???
Well, since I was HORRIBLE and ate gluten tonight, my entire body seems to be responding. Either to that or the LONG walk we went on with the dogs. I felt bad cutting it short too. It just WAS NOT going to happen. So, I'm done for the night.
Legitimate Thoughts
So, I am trying to figure out what in the world I'm supposed to be doing tonight. Somehow in the midst of hanging out with a friend from church, I got myself into making dinner for her family tonight. Now, I'm not sure how that happened, other than that the family needs help in more ways than one. But it did. Thus, my low-fat cooking genes need to come out FAST! I'm a little bit nervous about hanging out with this family. I hardly know them, yet I know they are nice people. I've never been to their house before, and on the first time going over there, they are intending on showing me around the house and their kitchen and giving me pretty much full access to their house, including a garage code?! Craziness. I think she wants me to come over weekly and cook dinner for them. Which is fine. But I don't think she realizes that I won't be here after May. And that's not really far away. And I have no idea how anything could really be put in place with me leaving so soon. BUT...
I wonder what would happen if the church started some sort of depression support group. Now, I'm not talking about a group counseling sort of thing. There are enough of those things out there, and honestly, I think counseling for people going through depression could be very bad, especially if one hasn't found a decent counselor who understands the situation. I want a sort of group to be started that people who are depressed can come to and feel accepted. I want people to feel needed. I think so often, people who sink into depression are found in this place where nothing matters and they feel isolated and like nothing would really change if they were gone. But, if people can start to feel needed, in an optional way, I think that would help. They always say that helping others is one of the best medicines out there. So, that's a random idea. I have no clue how it would be organized or what it would even be exactly. Perhaps it doesn't even have to be a part of the church. But rather, a group of people who feel isolated and downright depressed helping each other to make it through their living nightmare.
Okay, that's all the legitimate thoughts I have for now. Any ideas/suggestions can be posted in the comments area. I am curious to see how tonight goes, and what happens. I'm sure I'll let the online world know too. I'm out.
I wonder what would happen if the church started some sort of depression support group. Now, I'm not talking about a group counseling sort of thing. There are enough of those things out there, and honestly, I think counseling for people going through depression could be very bad, especially if one hasn't found a decent counselor who understands the situation. I want a sort of group to be started that people who are depressed can come to and feel accepted. I want people to feel needed. I think so often, people who sink into depression are found in this place where nothing matters and they feel isolated and like nothing would really change if they were gone. But, if people can start to feel needed, in an optional way, I think that would help. They always say that helping others is one of the best medicines out there. So, that's a random idea. I have no clue how it would be organized or what it would even be exactly. Perhaps it doesn't even have to be a part of the church. But rather, a group of people who feel isolated and downright depressed helping each other to make it through their living nightmare.
Okay, that's all the legitimate thoughts I have for now. Any ideas/suggestions can be posted in the comments area. I am curious to see how tonight goes, and what happens. I'm sure I'll let the online world know too. I'm out.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Mirror Moments
Day 15
~ John 7:37-44
~ Proverbs 15
~ Romans 8-10
~ Isaiah 65:1-7
*The discerning heart seeks knowledge..." - Proverbs 15:14a (NIV)
*The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor. - Proverbs 15:33 (NIV)
*I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. - Romans 8:18 (NIV)
*For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. - Romans 10:10 (NIV)
Mirror Moments
I've noticed that my key Scriptures have gotten longer and longer. It is kind of interesting how I used to be choosing one, two tops, and now, I have three or even five verses that really stand out. It is amazing to see how each of these verses are working in my life to make me more like God intended me to be.
I'm sure you know the familiar phrase or the abbreviation WWJD? I've found a strong disliking to it. Now, I am sure that it can be proved as being helpful, but to be frank, Jesus didn't live in this time, nor this culture. We are faced with sooo much more temptations and trials that are different that what Jesus faced while He was here on earth. Now, I fully believe that Jesus had His share of temptations. However, I feel like a different question would suit the phrase much better than what we have here. So, I ask: What would Jesus want me to do? Because the aim of our lives isn't so that we can all be copy cats of Jesus. If God wanted that, I think He could have managed it in a different way. Instead, He made us all unique put in a culture that varies greatly than anything our ancestors went through!
God wants us to be the best "so-and-so" that He intended for us to be. I want to be the Samantha that He intended for me to be. Because somewhere along the line, I screwed up and the picture perfect me that I was at one point in time has been lost. So, now I am fishing for that image of who He wants me to be when I look in the mirror. I want to have that humility that Jesus had. I want to have that purity that God honors. I want to have that patience that Jesus portrays. I want to fear God with the love and reverence that He deserves. I want to seek knowledge with who I am in order to discern which steps to take.
I am in no way perfect. I can't name one thing about me that is polished clean. I don't think I can even name one thing that I've done completely and totally right in this world...except one thing: giving my life to God.
I may never understand why He took it. It's a complete mess. But slowly, day by day, He works within me to clean it up and make it more like that picture perfect me. Perhaps someday, I'll be granted my ticket to heaven with a one-way pass. But for now, I will have my mirror moments, when I will look in the mirror and hate what I see...but know that GOD is the One who will make me into something beautiful.
*It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. - Romans 9:16 (NIV)
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
East to West
So I know I gave up YouTube for Lent. But I thought I should post it up here. I don't know. I just LOVE it. :) So, hope you enjoy it too! It's Casting Crowns' song "East to West."
Day 14
Scripture Readings:
~ John 4:1-15
~ Proverbs 14
~ Romans 7
*For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is the sin living in me that does it. - Romans 7:19-20 (NIV)
*Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy. - Proverbs 14:10 (NIV)
*Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief. - Proverbs 14:13 (NIV)
A Song
I'm going to be making myself very vulnerable by putting this here for the world to read. But, I'm choosing to do so anyway. Back in September of 2010, I wrote a song. It's called Here I Am. The background to this song is so much of what a Christian's life is about. You screw up, plead for God to forgive you, and then run back to Him. Not long after being forgiven, the same thing occurs. But along the way, others are hurt too. Maybe not physically, but in some way, whether disappointment, anger, betrayal, etc. Only some are able to take a place that God is comfortable in, by nature, to forgive. The second part of the second verse really captures that image of what it is like to have someone you love but whom has hurt you come back asking for you to take them back. Now, I don't think I've put this song on here before, but I thought I would tonight because I've been thinking about it all day.
HERE I AM
Note: Verses are
in 4/4 time, choruses and bridge is in 3/4 time.
VERSE 1:
Here I am
With a screwed up life
I lay it down
Admitting my pride
With a saddened heart
And rugged knees
Here I am
Lord, save me.
CHORUS:
Here I am, Lord save me
From myself, I’m on my knees
With a broken heart, and tear
filled eyes
Here I am. I give You my life.
VERSE 2:
Here I am
Once more
I messed up
I left Your hold
You may not find
Me worth anything
Please take me back
I am pleading
CHORUS:
Here I am, Lord save me
From myself, I’m on my knees
With a broken heart, and tear
filled eyes
Here I am. I give You my life.
BRIDGE:
Here I am (x3)
Lord, save me (REPEAT)
CHORUS (x2)
ENDING:
Here I am.
Lord, I give You…my life.
Monday, March 21, 2011
The Circle of...what?!
I wasn't going to write this out, but thought I should for the sake of...it might come in handy later on. :)
So, today I thought SERIOUSLY about getting on Facebook. Clearly, this would defy the whole Lenten sacrifice thing. But, I was just really curious about what some people were doing. And although nothing could justify going against a clear sacrifice to God, I was doing my best to justify it. Well, I didn't do it. But it certainly got me thinking about why I wanted to get onto FB that badly. I determined it must be an issue with trust. Ha. Yep, that word again.
The more I miss an individual (distance wise or feeling wise), the more I feel I need to get onto Facebook.
The more isolated I feel, the more I feel the need to get onto Facebook.
The more excited (or emotional) I feel, the more I feel the need to get onto Facebook.
The more "bored" I am, the more I feel the need to get onto Facebook.
So, those are the reasons I seem to be wanting to get onto FB. But I've determined that those feelings also play a role in how I trust God. The more distanced I feel from God, the less I trust Him. The more isolated I feel from others, the more isolated I feel from God. The more excited I feel, the more excitement I feel from God. The more bored I am, the more distant my relationship grows. So, it's kind of a circle that I seem to be caught in, with regards to my relationship with God and trusting Him.
Anyhow, that's all I have for you for this update.
So, today I thought SERIOUSLY about getting on Facebook. Clearly, this would defy the whole Lenten sacrifice thing. But, I was just really curious about what some people were doing. And although nothing could justify going against a clear sacrifice to God, I was doing my best to justify it. Well, I didn't do it. But it certainly got me thinking about why I wanted to get onto FB that badly. I determined it must be an issue with trust. Ha. Yep, that word again.
The more I miss an individual (distance wise or feeling wise), the more I feel I need to get onto Facebook.
The more isolated I feel, the more I feel the need to get onto Facebook.
The more excited (or emotional) I feel, the more I feel the need to get onto Facebook.
The more "bored" I am, the more I feel the need to get onto Facebook.
So, those are the reasons I seem to be wanting to get onto FB. But I've determined that those feelings also play a role in how I trust God. The more distanced I feel from God, the less I trust Him. The more isolated I feel from others, the more isolated I feel from God. The more excited I feel, the more excitement I feel from God. The more bored I am, the more distant my relationship grows. So, it's kind of a circle that I seem to be caught in, with regards to my relationship with God and trusting Him.
Anyhow, that's all I have for you for this update.
Fullness - Day 13
Readings for Day 13:
~ John 10:1-10
~ Proverbs 13
~ Romans 5-6
*Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. - Proverbs 13:12 (NIV)
*The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. - John 10:10 (NIV)
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Springtime!
Today is the first day of Spring!!! As I sit in my big chair by my open window, the smell of Spring is in the air and the birds are chirping. It is so nice to be able to enjoy the weather and not worry about carrying a coat everywhere. Missouri weather is slightly ADD so who knows what tomorrow will bring. But, for now, it is about 75 degrees (F) as the sun goes down on this Sunday evening.
Of course, I am procrastinating on my classwork, but I thought I would catch you all up on a few things...like I don't already talk to you all enough?!
Health: I've had a few bad days...okay, a lot of bad days recently. With the thunderstorms that came through, my body is all funkafied. (Yes, that's a word now...) Migraines have been ABSOLUTELY horrible this week. I've had three that have taken quite some time to get rid of. They are starting to become more annoying than anything. It's been about 48 hours since my last one, so I'm hoping they stay away for a while (knock on wood). Been on and off lots of drugs/meds, but we'll see where it all takes me. I have an appointment with the rheumatologist on the 29th of this month. Until then, my life is CRAZY with school.
Transferring: I am definitely transferring. Not sure living situation. And still waiting on the acceptance letter, but I'm not staying where I am any longer. Nope, definitely not gonna happen!
Music: Yes, this category gets to be added. I'm trying to decide on something to play for my audition. It doesn't help that I know the professor who will be "judging" me for this scholarship audition and that she has thoroughly heard the piece I thought about play and even taught me much of what I know about the style. Kind of nerve wrecking. Haha. BUT...I had a good time procrastinating with my flute earlier today. I was able to hold it for about 45 minutes. A REALLY decent increase from previous attempts. :) Such a great stress reliever though. Especially since I have two tests tomorrow that may be challenging considering the amount of studying that I've accomplished today.
Jesus: Yuppers...I love Him. He gets on my nerves sometimes, but really...I like havin' Him around. Devotional time has been going alright. I finished Job, so I'm onto Romans now, which I am enjoying. Sometimes, it is a bit too much thinking late at night or early in the morning. Haha. Clearly, you can read all about what I'm learning and reflecting from it on the other blog posts! :) The fasting from FBYTG is going well. Although, the Google one is really going out the door, except that I refuse to research my health concerns. The most I do is look up to see if something is gluten free. Lol. But, I think God just wants me to stop diagnosing myself. So no worries...the lesson is still being learned.
Other than that, I really can't think of anything. I just wanted to brag on Springtime a bit and tell you what's been going on in the above categories! :)
Of course, I am procrastinating on my classwork, but I thought I would catch you all up on a few things...like I don't already talk to you all enough?!
Health: I've had a few bad days...okay, a lot of bad days recently. With the thunderstorms that came through, my body is all funkafied. (Yes, that's a word now...) Migraines have been ABSOLUTELY horrible this week. I've had three that have taken quite some time to get rid of. They are starting to become more annoying than anything. It's been about 48 hours since my last one, so I'm hoping they stay away for a while (knock on wood). Been on and off lots of drugs/meds, but we'll see where it all takes me. I have an appointment with the rheumatologist on the 29th of this month. Until then, my life is CRAZY with school.
Transferring: I am definitely transferring. Not sure living situation. And still waiting on the acceptance letter, but I'm not staying where I am any longer. Nope, definitely not gonna happen!
Music: Yes, this category gets to be added. I'm trying to decide on something to play for my audition. It doesn't help that I know the professor who will be "judging" me for this scholarship audition and that she has thoroughly heard the piece I thought about play and even taught me much of what I know about the style. Kind of nerve wrecking. Haha. BUT...I had a good time procrastinating with my flute earlier today. I was able to hold it for about 45 minutes. A REALLY decent increase from previous attempts. :) Such a great stress reliever though. Especially since I have two tests tomorrow that may be challenging considering the amount of studying that I've accomplished today.
Jesus: Yuppers...I love Him. He gets on my nerves sometimes, but really...I like havin' Him around. Devotional time has been going alright. I finished Job, so I'm onto Romans now, which I am enjoying. Sometimes, it is a bit too much thinking late at night or early in the morning. Haha. Clearly, you can read all about what I'm learning and reflecting from it on the other blog posts! :) The fasting from FBYTG is going well. Although, the Google one is really going out the door, except that I refuse to research my health concerns. The most I do is look up to see if something is gluten free. Lol. But, I think God just wants me to stop diagnosing myself. So no worries...the lesson is still being learned.
Other than that, I really can't think of anything. I just wanted to brag on Springtime a bit and tell you what's been going on in the above categories! :)
The Law - Day 12
Today's Readings:
~ John 6:60-69
~ Proverbs 12
~ Romans 3-4
*Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. - Romans 3:20 (NIV)
*For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law...Do we, then, nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather, we uphold the law. - Romans 3:28, 31 (NIV)
I've always been a big fan of Romans. It is truly the groundwork of the Christian faith. Most answers that I have regarding the religion are found in Romans. So...I LOVE this book. But more than just loving the book for what it is, I love how it treats this relationship between the law and faith. I interpret the law as being what is laid out in the Old Testament/Hebrew Bible. Faith, in what is unseen, is truly what saves us. Faith that Jesus rose from the dead on the third day as the Son of God (AKA - God Himself). That is what saves us! However, these verses tell us not to dismiss the law completely.
I think so many of us "contemporary" Christians ignore much of the "law." We consider it to be part of the time period/culture, or we don't think it is relevant. However, I learned a lot in my head-covering days about what is or isn't relevant. I won't lie to you...I LOVED covering my head. And some days, I really miss it. But more than that, it taught me exactly how CRAZY one is perceived as being by following a simple commandment that doesn't seem to fit into the "American" culture. Now, I am not saying that our modern day society should pick up the Bible and follow every single commandment within the text. I don't think it would even be possible. But, the Scripture above says that we still need to study the text so that we can become conscious of sin. This becoming conscious is more than just what our conscience tells us. Most of the time, that only keeps us being moral beings and reminds us of right and wrong based on what we already know. But this becoming conscious requires learning. It is the discovery of looking at the text and figuring out who God is and who God wants you to become. It is looking at the text and figuring out what God approves of and what He doesn't want you to do. And yes, this even includes the Old Testament. (It was the initial law in the first place that Jesus and the early Christians had!!!)
As I'm going through this Lenten season, I remind myself that so much of what this time is all about is self-examination. As one pastor put it, it is "figuring out where you might be betraying Jesus." Or another, it is a time "to figure out what cup or cross that you are carrying for the sake of others." I continue to remind myself to let Jesus into my life completely. To allow Him to sweep every corner and make me conscious of every bit of dirt. But today's Scripture reminded me that I also need to investigate the law. I need to know what God wants for my life and who God is...God is a living being. God is here with me now, and forever will be with each one of us. But faith isn't enough. The law is still important. The law can still teach us how to be in a relationship with God. Let us not be the one to dismiss the law so easily...
~ John 6:60-69
~ Proverbs 12
~ Romans 3-4
*Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. - Romans 3:20 (NIV)
*For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law...Do we, then, nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather, we uphold the law. - Romans 3:28, 31 (NIV)
I've always been a big fan of Romans. It is truly the groundwork of the Christian faith. Most answers that I have regarding the religion are found in Romans. So...I LOVE this book. But more than just loving the book for what it is, I love how it treats this relationship between the law and faith. I interpret the law as being what is laid out in the Old Testament/Hebrew Bible. Faith, in what is unseen, is truly what saves us. Faith that Jesus rose from the dead on the third day as the Son of God (AKA - God Himself). That is what saves us! However, these verses tell us not to dismiss the law completely.
I think so many of us "contemporary" Christians ignore much of the "law." We consider it to be part of the time period/culture, or we don't think it is relevant. However, I learned a lot in my head-covering days about what is or isn't relevant. I won't lie to you...I LOVED covering my head. And some days, I really miss it. But more than that, it taught me exactly how CRAZY one is perceived as being by following a simple commandment that doesn't seem to fit into the "American" culture. Now, I am not saying that our modern day society should pick up the Bible and follow every single commandment within the text. I don't think it would even be possible. But, the Scripture above says that we still need to study the text so that we can become conscious of sin. This becoming conscious is more than just what our conscience tells us. Most of the time, that only keeps us being moral beings and reminds us of right and wrong based on what we already know. But this becoming conscious requires learning. It is the discovery of looking at the text and figuring out who God is and who God wants you to become. It is looking at the text and figuring out what God approves of and what He doesn't want you to do. And yes, this even includes the Old Testament. (It was the initial law in the first place that Jesus and the early Christians had!!!)
As I'm going through this Lenten season, I remind myself that so much of what this time is all about is self-examination. As one pastor put it, it is "figuring out where you might be betraying Jesus." Or another, it is a time "to figure out what cup or cross that you are carrying for the sake of others." I continue to remind myself to let Jesus into my life completely. To allow Him to sweep every corner and make me conscious of every bit of dirt. But today's Scripture reminded me that I also need to investigate the law. I need to know what God wants for my life and who God is...God is a living being. God is here with me now, and forever will be with each one of us. But faith isn't enough. The law is still important. The law can still teach us how to be in a relationship with God. Let us not be the one to dismiss the law so easily...
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Inside, Not Outside!
Today's Readings:
~ John 5: 31-39
~ Proverbs 11
~ Romans 1-2
* A man is not a Jew if he is only one outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical. No, a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a man's praise is not from men, but from God. - Romans 2:28-29 (NIV)
I think this reading really gets to the heart of what this Lenten season is all about for me. I call myself a Christian, yet there is still much pruning that God needs to do on me. I have no doubt in my mind that Jesus is the Savior, however, I'm still working on that part about Jesus being the Lord of MY life. I think everyone has to go through this, some more gradual than others. So, I'm in no way odd. I just wish there was some easy "fix me" button that I could push and I would be who God wants me to be.
I love these verses because it all has to be done by the Spirit. It really isn't anything we can do, other than allowing the Spirit to work. Some days, like these, I feel like God is moving in my life quite a bit pruning me and helping me become who I am supposed to be. And then, there are other days when everything becomes comfortable. Although, I don't stay comfy for long!
In the long run, it's the inside that counts, not the outside. Yes, I believe that we all need to look and act like Christians, but I think that comes as an overflow of the Christian heart. So, I think I need to put more emphasis on becoming who God wants me to be on the inside. I need to allow God inside of my heart so that it overflows with the fruit of the Spirit. (Gal 5:22-23) I want to become a more perfect creation of God.
~ John 5: 31-39
~ Proverbs 11
~ Romans 1-2
* A man is not a Jew if he is only one outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical. No, a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a man's praise is not from men, but from God. - Romans 2:28-29 (NIV)
I think this reading really gets to the heart of what this Lenten season is all about for me. I call myself a Christian, yet there is still much pruning that God needs to do on me. I have no doubt in my mind that Jesus is the Savior, however, I'm still working on that part about Jesus being the Lord of MY life. I think everyone has to go through this, some more gradual than others. So, I'm in no way odd. I just wish there was some easy "fix me" button that I could push and I would be who God wants me to be.
I love these verses because it all has to be done by the Spirit. It really isn't anything we can do, other than allowing the Spirit to work. Some days, like these, I feel like God is moving in my life quite a bit pruning me and helping me become who I am supposed to be. And then, there are other days when everything becomes comfortable. Although, I don't stay comfy for long!
In the long run, it's the inside that counts, not the outside. Yes, I believe that we all need to look and act like Christians, but I think that comes as an overflow of the Christian heart. So, I think I need to put more emphasis on becoming who God wants me to be on the inside. I need to allow God inside of my heart so that it overflows with the fruit of the Spirit. (Gal 5:22-23) I want to become a more perfect creation of God.
Friday, March 18, 2011
The Concept of Love
Okay, the migraine has dulled down to a rumble, so I thought I'd tell you what's on my mind.
As I grew up in the public school system, I had people come and go who were my friends. Some left because of moving. Actually, most left because they were the kids who moved in and out of town within a year. AND...In a small school, if you are new, you are weird and/or an outcast. Thus, I was friends with these people. Then, there were the friends whom I made through helping them with their school work. No worries, I didn't give the answers away. But, I helped them to learn. Of course, then I became the teachers' best friend and always was paired with the struggling students in group projects! Then, there were the friends that left because they found someone else who suited their needs better than I did. Or the ones who left me feeling betrayed. But all the while, I kept coming back to this familiar passage.
This passage is often read at weddings to remind the couple of their commitment to one another. But, no where in the passage does it devote it only to love for a spouse. We are told to love God and love one another. So, this is how I taught myself how to love. I've never had a date in my entire life. Not one boyfriend has ever consumed my time, EVER! The closest I've ever been to anyone is with my friends. Like I said before, my friends seemed to come and go, but every single one of them, I still strive to love as best I can. Some think I'm crazy and trying to make some retribution. But really, it is merely to show that God loves no matter what, and I'm trying to as well. True love never fails. And love is always patient.
Don't you wish all your relationships were that perfect?! Just a thought.
I think we've all heard this common passage, but tonight, try to think of it in a way different than you would hear it at a wedding or other happy occasion:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
As I grew up in the public school system, I had people come and go who were my friends. Some left because of moving. Actually, most left because they were the kids who moved in and out of town within a year. AND...In a small school, if you are new, you are weird and/or an outcast. Thus, I was friends with these people. Then, there were the friends whom I made through helping them with their school work. No worries, I didn't give the answers away. But, I helped them to learn. Of course, then I became the teachers' best friend and always was paired with the struggling students in group projects! Then, there were the friends that left because they found someone else who suited their needs better than I did. Or the ones who left me feeling betrayed. But all the while, I kept coming back to this familiar passage.
This passage is often read at weddings to remind the couple of their commitment to one another. But, no where in the passage does it devote it only to love for a spouse. We are told to love God and love one another. So, this is how I taught myself how to love. I've never had a date in my entire life. Not one boyfriend has ever consumed my time, EVER! The closest I've ever been to anyone is with my friends. Like I said before, my friends seemed to come and go, but every single one of them, I still strive to love as best I can. Some think I'm crazy and trying to make some retribution. But really, it is merely to show that God loves no matter what, and I'm trying to as well. True love never fails. And love is always patient.
Don't you wish all your relationships were that perfect?! Just a thought.
Fantastic Friday...Day 10
Today's Scripture:
~ John 3:31-36
~ Job 34-42
~ Proverbs 10
* Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things to wonderful for me to know. - Job 42:3b (NIV)
Today has been a long, busy day. But it is only the start of the BUSY weekend I have ahead of me. I'm in quite a bit of pain tonight, so my guess is that this post will be short. I am beginning to wonder if this cycle of pain is ever going to end. I hardly have had any sort of a relief since it began. It was nothing to bother with, until it got worse over time. I'm trying to figure out why it came on so gradually. Seems to be a huge trigger for migraines. I've now had three this week. Migraine meds are only half-way working. Doctor will probably get a call on Monday from me. Yippee. No, not so much. Kind of getting tired of it. Okay...WAY tired of it.
I finished Job today. Not sure where I'm headed next. I always love the first 6 verses of that last chapter. The rest, I could care less! But, it captures everything that Job and his friends have been discussing. Finally Job realizes, I have no clue why all this crap happened, but God is here and He understands even when I can't. So, I messed up.
It just makes me happy to realize that I'm not the only one out there who questions God's judgment on certain things and to know that God is here with me. Alright...I'm done. Have a fantastic Friday everyone!
~ John 3:31-36
~ Job 34-42
~ Proverbs 10
* Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things to wonderful for me to know. - Job 42:3b (NIV)
Today has been a long, busy day. But it is only the start of the BUSY weekend I have ahead of me. I'm in quite a bit of pain tonight, so my guess is that this post will be short. I am beginning to wonder if this cycle of pain is ever going to end. I hardly have had any sort of a relief since it began. It was nothing to bother with, until it got worse over time. I'm trying to figure out why it came on so gradually. Seems to be a huge trigger for migraines. I've now had three this week. Migraine meds are only half-way working. Doctor will probably get a call on Monday from me. Yippee. No, not so much. Kind of getting tired of it. Okay...WAY tired of it.
I finished Job today. Not sure where I'm headed next. I always love the first 6 verses of that last chapter. The rest, I could care less! But, it captures everything that Job and his friends have been discussing. Finally Job realizes, I have no clue why all this crap happened, but God is here and He understands even when I can't. So, I messed up.
It just makes me happy to realize that I'm not the only one out there who questions God's judgment on certain things and to know that God is here with me. Alright...I'm done. Have a fantastic Friday everyone!
A Storyette: My Sister
I wrote this story over the past couple of days. Remember that it is fictional, so I am MORE than happy to take comments/suggestions/etc. Thanks for reading! :)
My Sister
by: Samantha Fomera
I
remember that day like it was yesterday.
Tears streamed down my face as I watched her go. Her long brown hair draped down her back swishing
with every step. I remember exactly what
she was wearing. It was the purple shirt
and black sweater that we bought on our latest girls’ day out. The dark jeans were well-known to her style. Not to mention her black flats with a bow on
each shoe. I watched her as she got
ready that evening. She didn’t say a
word the entire time. Mom tried to talk
her out of leaving, but it was unsuccessful.
Mom was angry at her decision, but stopping her was nearly impossible by
this point. She took nothing but her
heavy purse and walked out the front door, leaving myself and Mom on the
doorstep. She never looked back, but
continued on her way. She faded into the
dark night. The porch light caused my
vision to be distorted, but I knew she was gone. Gone where?
I didn’t know.
I
remember growing up, she was my big sister.
On warm, sunny days, she would take me to the park if I promised to be
really good. There was a vibrant red swing
set. It was my favorite thing to play on
as a child. She would always let me
swing first. I was too short to touch
the ground, so she would push me. With
each push, I grew further and further away from the ground. I felt strong. I felt like I could do anything. I think that’s what sisters do, you
know. They help you to become your best
and go further than you’ve ever imagined.
Of course, there were other
times when she didn’t always live up to that sisterly role. Sure, there was the little stuff. Since she was older, she had the advantage
with mom. She would blame things on me,
like the time that black ink stained the carpet. She was showing me how to write with a
feather ink pen. I was finally able to
write letters, rather than blobs. She
had reached over the table to look at how I was progressing, but upon returning
to her own chair, her sweater caught the ink and it spilled all over the light
beige carpet that clothed the dining room floor. When our mom came home, my sister told her
that I had knocked the ink off the table in frustration that I wasn’t doing at
good as I wanted to be doing.
As we got older, nothing really
changed, although the bad times got worse.
I’m sure my sister never realized it at all. But I felt like her maid servant. I was there at her every beckon and did
whatever she wanted. I knew her judgment
was best anyway. Nothing I had was truly
mine. You know sisters; they share
everything. I understood that if she
wanted something, she needed it more than I did. She was, in fact, the older sister. I would drive her places too, or bring her
lunch, even if I had to go out of my way to do it. I never wanted to say “no” to her.
In high school, I was always
made fun of for wearing turtlenecks.
Apparently they weren’t in style anymore. Teachers became concerned when
I wore them, especially on warm, sunny days.
I just wanted to make sure that everything was covered according to Mom’s
standards. I had to go to the school
guidance counselor on one occasion.
The counselor wanted me to talk
about my home life. I told her that I
was the younger of two sisters. My dad had
left my mom when I was little, though I had heard from my big sister that mom forced
him out of the house. My mom worked two jobs to keep us going. So, I had to clean the house, make dinners,
and take care of whatever else needed to be done while she was gone during the
day. That’s all, ma’am. She pressed further, but I didn’t have
anything else I wanted to say. I asked
if I could go back to class. Thankfully,
she said yes. That was the last time she
asked me to come in to see her. On the way out, I heard her tell the principal
to watch me closely, but that I just had a busy home life and it wasn’t
anything to be concerned with. If only
they knew the whole story.
I remember the weight of the
hand that was heavy on my shoulder as my sister walked out of our lives that chilly
night. The long, bony fingers had
squeezed my shoulder blade. I had
thought about wincing in pain, but opted not to do so for fear of what might
come later in the night. Her hands were
rough like sandpaper. Her long nails
always painted an ugly red color.
She was right to leave us. My sister knew the way out. Perhaps someday, I’d learn too.
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