Making sense of life has been really difficult for me the past few years. December 2011, I decided I was done with school. Or at least, for the moment. I had health issues going on and on top of that, I really had no idea what I was going to do with my life. In July 2011, I got myself a girlfriend. Lol. While that sounds really odd in writing, it really shook my world upside down. Up until that point, I had planned on being a pastor. Being a lesbian changed everything. I was trying to figure out how I was going to do something that was impossible with the current church doctrine. While I believe and I believed at that point that God had no issue with me being with a woman, the church had an issue with it. SO - From that point on, I dismissed the idea that I would become a pastor anytime soon. And as of right now, while that calling is still there, I don't think I will become a pastor anytime soon. (Sorry for the letdown guys...lol)
I was left with nothing. Well, I actually had a LOT of nothing.
A semester of work in music education.
Three semesters of work in interpersonal communication.
Semester of work in English - that I really did not like!
No money.
No job.
No stability in the family.
No church.
And almost, no God.
I had pretty much given up. I had no passion left. I hurt. I was angry. And I was done. Short of taking my own life, I decided to take a break from trying to figure out what to do with my life and just live life for a while. My parents, flute teacher, and family hated my decision. I did too. But I was desparate to figure things out. Not saying I have everything figured out, but God has taught me a lot in the last couple of years.
Most of my sanity has actually come from being a part of a church called Light of Love Fellowship. It was based in Saint Louis and since has closed its doors less than a year after we (Nichole and I) found them. It was definitely a God-send. They were a MUCH different church than what I was used to being a part of. They shouted and danced and RAN IN CHURCH!!! Like DURING service! They taught me how to praise God like my life depended on it, because honestly, it did depend on it! They taught me how to pray and believe that change was going to occur but also to be willing for that change to happen. They taught me that the Word of God is more than a book of stories and instructions on how to live life but also PROMISES! Ya see, when you're desparate and people tell you to read your Bible, unless you have the eyes to see the promises you see a bunch of stuff you're not doing right. And it can be really condemning especially if you're struggling with something like being a homosexual. This church taught me that it was okay to be me. That I can be a homosexual and a Christian. Ha! My Pastor was gay, surely if God calls homosexuals to be leaders in the church, then I could be a Christian. Nichole and I were later married in that church on November 17, 2012. Most of the people in attendance were church members, other than family. We then learned how to live a Godly life as a married couple. One according to the Bible and the standard that God has for all relationships. They also opened the possibility of my calling back up.
Meanwhile, in June 2012 (just before we found LOLF), I began working with adults who have disabilities. I no longer work for the organization, but I am still in the field. I call them "my people." People who have disabilities, no matter what age or disability, are the most compassionate people I have ever met. They are fun and loving. They are stubborn just as you or I and have STRONG personalities. They are not vegetables. They are more sweet than a strawberry! Anyway, LOLF also taught me a lot about the calling as a minister in our every day lives. Everyone knows that we all aren't meant to be pastors or have a job title in the church. But does everyone know that we all still have that commission that Jesus gave us in Matthew 28? We are all called to make disciples, to teach, to love, to share, to help someone make the decision to be baptized....We're called to do this in our every-day "normal" vocation/career/life. So, little by little as I waited impatiently for that calling to be a pastor to be "NOW" I learned to live it out at my workplace. Now, I'm not perfect by any means. Little by little I learn how to do things better. BUT - Through that, I've found a deep love and passion for these people. The advocation they need. The care they need. The love they need. The teaching they need. The healing they need.
I'm sure you all saw the posts about going to Maryville for OT, and then for Rehabilitation Sciences, and then Music therapy, and who knows what else?! I'm sure you've seen umpteen million posts about this is what I'm going to do with my life! When I get on something, a lot of times I'll run with it while it is premature. Hence the waiting with this one.
And I'm still not giving the details. Sorry!
I will tell you this. I'm entering a field that wasn't on my radar before. I'm entering a field that I've dismissed many times when it has come up. I'm entering a field that Jalen would approve of. I'm entering a field that will give me the ability to work in a variety of places and care for a number of people. I'm entering a field that is QDDP certified, allowing me to work with MY People. Where compassion is abundant! And where the need is there.
Absolute Dream Job: Wherever God leads me.
My Best: Working with the Disabled (DMH - Department of Mental Health). Whether that be in a mental institute, behavioral analysis therapy, school, someone's home, doctor's office, group rehabilitation center, an office putting together PCP (person-centered plans), as a casemanager, etc. Like I said, there's a lot of possibilities. Who knows, I could work for the DMH myself!
By now you may have guessed. But the rest of the details as to where and when it will happen is ITLH - In the Lord's Hand.
If you pray to Jesus Christ, I'd love prayers. For discernment and for the financial means to acheive what I need to do. As of right now, I am only elegible for loans as I am still considered a "dependent" according to the state and my parents are not helping with school costs this time around. Most of the costs will have to be paid outright and reimbursed with a check if loans are available (as most loans do not post until Sept 15 and many schools requre tuition to be paid before the semester even begins). Favor with the admissions department would be awesome too.
I'm interested to see where God takes me with this path. Who knows, maybe I will still be an "ordained" pastor. But for now, I'm content with the ministry I am involved in now. I am excited. I have direction. I have PASSION!
Did I mention that I am EXCITED???
