My Definition

Today, I asked the Facebook world what a best friend was. While I am not always the greatest best friend, I do have pretty high standards for someone to be my best friend.  It is more than just being my closest friend.  It is more than just liking me and me liking you.  A lot of these qualities I say merely because it is part of being a decent person, but are pretty much required in friendship.  Anyhow, I'll just get to the definition:

A best friend:

• is someone who knows the real you, which goes far beyond commonalities.  
• is someone you can call at any hour and rely on them to be there.
• is someone who cares about you and treats you with respect.
• is someone who is brutally honest, even if it means hurting your feelings.  
• loves you for who you are now and nothing more.
• does not judge you, but will tell you when you are in the wrong.
• is compassionate.
• is someone you can look up to.
• cheers you up when no one else can.
• has a shoulder to cry on.
• keeps no secrets from you and can hold all of yours.
• supports you.
• can talk about anything with you and vice versa.  
• is someone you trust with your life.

Anyhow, that's my definition.  While this definition seems like a perfect person, it is far from it...Mainly because we are human and my best friend has all of these!  So that's all.  

Ketchup

I haven't updated you all in a while, so I thought I'd do a "Ketchup" post.  :)

All in all, I've been pretty good.  This past weekend, I went down to the beach with my mom, her fiancee, his kid, my sister, my littlest brother Jacob.  I had a good time.  Wednesday night, after dance class, we headed down to Alabama where we picked up him and his crew.  We didn't get in until SUPER late, or early...6am?!  Then we snoozed for a lil' while at his place.  Then, we packed our bags and hit the road for the beach.  This trip was quite the ordeal as it was one of the few times that I was going down to AL, but also going gluten free.

It seems like everything in the south is fried.  You've got fried tomatoes, fried chicken, fried shrimp, fried ANYTHING?!  So, getting food was quite the challenge.  The first two places we ate were a major fail.  One night my plate had a roll on it.  The second night I had fried jalapeno hushpuppies.  Then we began to eat at places that were a little more friendly to me.  One place had an allergy menu, so I could cross gluten off the list.  The manager had to come and take my order and then brought out my food.  It was so comforting knowing that they cared about people who couldn't eat gluten.  The next place had a gluten free menu, so I just ordered off of it.  I know my family isn't used to having someone around with food allergies, and I know my mom isn't a fan of this diet, but I think after this weekend, they are beginning to adjust to it.  Even though they were impatient at times, they are beginning to see what I can eat and what I can't, which is a great start!  (And I even made a conscious choice to pray before each meal, even if I was doing it alone!!!)

Eating gluten free isn't the only thing my family learned while we were at the beach.  They also began to see that I can't do everything.  I talk about my health a lot on here because it limits a lot of what I can and can't do.  The first night at the beach, I was so worn out from the drive and lack of sleep that I couldn't even manage to get out of bed to go eat dinner.  The second night I was able to go out because I paced myself.  We also got to go play mini golf, during which I scored 2nd place!!!  That was exciting!  I wasn't able to spend Saturday on the beach because I had overdone myself the night before, but I was able to sit out with the family and play a game of Yahtzee!  Unfortunately, I scored in 2nd place again?!  Seemed to be a theme.  Sunday, I riled myself out of bed to go to Mass at 8 in the morning!  I was told we were to leave the condo at 10am, so I was under the impression that everyone would be pretty much packed and ready to load when I got back.  Yeah, apparently not.  Everyone was sleeping when I got back.  Not so great!  SO...I had a bowl of yummy goodness!  :-)

Meet Yummy Goodness.  This is a creation by Nichole, my best friend.  It is vanilla ice cream, covered in strawberries (which have been soaked in sugar), and caramel topping.  It is DELICIOUS!!!  I eat lots of this because it makes me happy.  Lol.  I made sure I had this down south too.  It is gluten free as all of the parts are gluten free! ;)  So, I had a bowl of this for breakfast after I got back from Mass.  BTW, Happy Pentecost half a week late!  Of course, we got up and out of there eventually, but I was exhausted from it all!  After the long 8 hour drive back from his place on Monday morning, Morgan and I had stage rehearsals.  Now, she did most of the dancing, but not being home killed me.  I also played around with the lights since I'm running lights this weekend and did a lil' dancing of my own for the alumni dance!  Around 10:15pm, I finally arrived home.  After unpacking, I crawled into bed grateful to have such a comfy bed!!!  It was certainly a weekend!!!

Since then, I haven't done much.  I got to go see Nichole for a little while yesterday.  I was happy to see her, although she wasn't so happy to go back to season ONE on Prison Break when she was at a cliff hanger on season THREE?!?!?!  But, she did...until she got her sister's computer to watch her episodes with headphones.  Lol.  Either way, we got to hang out for a while.  OH...We also painted our toes again!  I just put glitter on mine this week.  It made up for her super cute pink and green toes with flowers!!!  ;)

Anyhow, I am in a lot of pain today.  I hate how fibromyalgia works...Ya never know when a bad day will come.  But, I'll make it through.  Really wishing I could find a job...It is driving me crazy!  But, who knows?!  Someday someone will hire me.  Just hope it is sooner rather than later.  I'm wondering if I still have ice cream here...if so, Yummy Goodness will be an order.  Especially since I had M&Ms for breakfast.  Lol.  Great diet!  I know!  Hopefully this was a decent Ketchup!  Much love!

Journal vs. Blog

Lately, I've been thinking.  I've been pondering about what I write on my blog.  My dad mentioned something today about what goes out on his blog...not that anything is bad, but that it is heartfelt and could be "interesting" if the wrong eyes saw it.  While I don't feel like my blog discusses anything that would be harmful to anyone, I suppose in the future it could be harmful to myself in the job market or whatever just by the choices I made and what is portrayed on the blog.  I love being able to write my feelings out...but lately, I've closed off a lot of those.  I've gotten so many people asking why I write about what I do and then there's the eyes of my father and grandma looking upon my blog.  While I love them dearly and I never direct my writing to their eyes, I still have that audience in the back of my mind.  I am in hopes that many more people read my blog and don't follow it because I KNOW that there are people out there who can relate with my story...

SOOOO...In short, you all have gotten fewer and fewer of my feelings and more of what's been going on...this is due in part to my journaling habits.  I stopped journaling everyday a while back and recently, in an effort to not pour out my entire heart into a blog post, I picked journaling back up.  I love to journal, but it is hard because sometimes I want what I have to say out there...which is where this blog comes in.

Now, I know that this probably doesn't make much sense right now.  I blame it on my headache which is getting worse because of the pain to type this (and I thought I was going to be able to write tonight?!).  ANYHOW, the blog will still get a lot of my thoughts, etc...but some will be reserved for my journal.  And no worries to the best friend.  :)  You will still get all of my thoughts because I can't keep anything from ya!  Trust me!

I'm still an open book, so you can ask me anything and everything in person, by email, or on here.  I've yet to reject answering a question.  SO...that's the balance between knowing what to blog about and what to journal about.  I'm sure my father is happy with this.  Lol.

Nighty night!

Education and Judgment

As you all should know…For my birthday, I would LOVE for everyone to donate to the endometriosis association!  Now, I know it seems pointless to ask for you all to give to an association for a disease that I don’t have, but my best friend has it and I’ve seen the pain that it has caused her even though it is an invisible disease to the human eye.  And here’s the thing…she isn’t the only one dealing with it.  There are others…a lot of other women who struggle with it!  Today, I was reading a blog post by a woman named Lena.  She spoke to how tired she is and how the disease has affected her life:

“I am tired of trying to deal with people who don't understand my diseases and think I should live with this pain. I have been told to cope with it…How is one suppose to cope when you have endometriosis. A disease that you wish someone would ripe your insides out even after they have been taken. A disease that makes you curl up in a ball and cry because there is nothing else to do because pain meds. aren't working. The thing that has hurt me the most was the day I was visiting my parents. At first it was like any other day. Then my father looked at me and said "Are you getting lazy?"…I AM TIRED OF BEING JUDGED BECAUSE I HAVE THESE DISEASES. I KNOW THEY ARE INVISIBLE. BUT TO ME THEY ARE VERY REAL. SO PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME, TALK TO ME. ASK QUESTIONS AND I WILL TELL YOU ABOUT THEM. THESE DISEASES ARE REAL!!!!”

She is merely one of millions!  And the one thing that she wants more than anything is not to be judged.  Rather than judging, she wants education.  She wants you to know what is going on with her body so that you can see her as a real person!  There are always good days and bad days, but endometriosis is a disease that is wide-spread across the globe and few people actually know about it.  That’s where the endometriosis association comes in.  They educate people everywhere.  They are the ones to provide the funding for research so that we can figure out what causes this disease and how to treat it.  Perhaps one day, they will be the ones to cure the disease!!!  (Wouldn’t that be amazing!!!) 

I’m turning twenty this year…Twenty dollars can give these women hope.  It can bring a smile to their faces.  Even just five dollars would be great!  Please don’t let me down!  And please don’t let these women down!

How to give:

1.  Give me a check made out to the endometriosis association.

2. Give me cash and I’ll write a check to the endo association.

3. Go online and give at http://www.endometriosisassn.org/donate.html

Be the one to tell millions of girls that you care about their pain!

Dance Extravaganza

Tonight, I have dance class.  Note that I haven't had dance class in.......(counting)........over 4 years!!!  Sure, I've done some choreography since then, but nothing like what I may have comin' my way tonight.  I'm a bit nervous about it all.  One, because I haven't danced in years, I don't wanna make a fool of myself.  AND two, my health doesn't seem to want to cooperate today.  I'm looking forward to having a good time, especially with the recital, but I am nervous about it all.

I haven't danced all my life. I'm not one of those lil' girls who started way back when they were two years old and stopped dancing when they became a teenager.  In fact, I didn't start dancing until I was eleven years old!  I was envious of my lil' sister who started in her tiny people's dance class at the age of three.  Being the person that I was, I knew her dances inside and out and wanted to be on the stage when all the bigger girls got on the stage.  So, when the next dance season started, I pleaded with Mom to sign my name on the sheet!  She did.

Thus, my dance extravaganza began.  I danced my best the first year and at the end of the year, I signed up for the competition team.  I must say that I quickly became one of the best dancers of the studio.  (I know, no humbleness in that at all!)  I went to competitions and realized I wasn't the best dancer out there...I did get an award at one of the competitions for the best dancer of the year from the studio.  :)  I even began assisting the owner/teacher in her younger classes.  I would be at dance 8 hours a week!  (Which is a lot for a small studio!)  I loved helping the lil' ones work on their technique while having a great time!!!

In the meantime, I was running cross country and performing excellent works on my flute.  I would go to cross country practice for a couple hours, play my flute for a couple hours, go to dance class for 4 hours, go home to do homework, and play my flute for an hour or so before bed.  Sleep for a few hours and repeat!  Amidst all that stress, my knees, wrists, and hands were declining in functionality.  My second year of high school, I stopped being able to make it through a 5k race.  It was very disheartening.  I still pressed on through my third year of school, but had to drop out because of the severity of the problem my senior year.  I began having conflicts between band events and dance competitions.  I was winning multiple awards with my music, but I still wanted to do more.  I began taking flute lessons from my former high school teacher and LOVED it.  I decided that music was where I wanted to put my time and effort.  I finished my fifth recital season and didn't sign up for the next one.  I was then able to devote HOURS on no end to my music, but I missed dancing.  I would run lights and changing rooms at recitals.  I would manage lil' girls running around missing a shoe and random props.  But...it didn't fill the void...

Dancing gave me a chance to release physical energy.  It let me see myself in a beautiful way as I moved my body to the music.  Lyrical jazz was my favorite class because it flowed with who I was.  It still is my favorite style of dance.  I love it!  Anyhow, dance did little to damage my self-esteem, although I did envy the girls who hadn't put on the extra pounds like I did in high school.  Dance, rather, built up my self-esteem to see the work of art move through my body.

I'm excited for tonight's class.  I'm worried that I'll wear out and that my knees will give in and I'll end up on the floor.  But, I do want to have a good time.  This is something I've wanted to do since I stopped dancing.  I've always wanted to be in another recital...To be up on stage, having a good time!  It's not about showing how skinny I am (because I'm not skinny), or showing my sexuality.......It's about an art that is fun!  I'm all for dancing!  Very excited!  We shall see how it goes!!! :)