Today is a day...

FYI - Depressing, but honest post.

Today is a day that I just want to be over.  Some decent things happened today.  Like, I found out how my YA literature final is going to be formatted (although, that kinda freaked me out).  Or, my fibro drug dosage has been increased.  I paid Walgreens bills (by overdrawing, but still...).  Yes, those are the decent things.  Not to mention the woman I met today at the prayer meeting tonight who suffers from severe depression.  Honestly, I have no idea how I'm going to do it, but I'm what mere Christian support she has right now that she can call a friend.  It's kind of rough.

I know with my depression, many days I feel like shutting myself into my dungeon and not coming out until I feel like I can be a decent person.  But for me, I know that isn't the greatest thing to do.  Often being alone is what has caused my depression.  And, what has caused my depression feeds my depression.  So, it doesn't really help.  Not to mention all the thinking time that I have when I'm alone.  Now, I've always been a pretty independent person, but with all my health issues, feeling deserted, etc. alone isn't exactly the place to be. I know that there are others who deal with the same things that I do.

Some are afraid that reaching out to a person with the same issue as you may cause your own issue to become worse.  The woman tonight kept telling me, "I don't know how you can handle it all, your issues plus mine."  I think it is because I try to remember that I am not alone. I know that I'm not alone in my struggle against depression, or anything else I face.  But, I also know that in order to not be alone, I have to reach out.  And...that's the hard part.  I try my hardest to reach out.  I try my hardest to be strong for those I love and care about.  I try my hardest to be a support that someone else can lean on.  And yes, I'll admit, there are still days when I'd just prefer to be locked up in my own dungeon where no one but me knows the way in or out.  But today is a day that, while it has been absolutely havoc on my body and mind, I have been able to make a difference.  Yes, I still want today to be over.  I am tired and I hurt.  And I hurt in more ways than one.  But, I am not alone.  Unfortunately there are others that deal with the same thing that I do.  And I am one who refuses to leave anyone behind.  I just hope and pray my heart can handle it and my will is strong enough to be the support to ANYONE who needs it whether it is mental or physical.

And thus, my thoughts are done.  Today is a day...And tomorrow is another.