FYI - This post is directly from my journal, so it's a lil' crazy, but I didn't feel like re-writing/editing it for the blog. So you have everything I wrote in my journal (minus one sentence that really wasn't necessary). Here ya go!
Today's Scripture:
~ Mark 10:17-22
~ Job 11-14
~ Proverbs 3
*Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge (know) him, and he will make your path straight. - Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
Trust seems to be a huge issue for me. Especially recently. A friend and I had a heart to heart last night about my trust issue, but I still have to deal with it. It doesn't come overnight. I think it takes a lot to trust someone. People always say that it takes time to trust. But I think that it is because with time, you get to know that person. I am very familiar with the key verses for today; I have them memorized. But they really stand out to me today. Every Scripture I have read today, deals with trust. I don't know if I trust God completely yet. I know that's bad to say, but I don't know if I've given Him every part of me. I'm not sure if I trust Him to really change my heart into something good, and one day holy. I know that God will not take more than I've given Him, and while I've said "Take everything." I don't think I've given Him the keys or my own messed up map for how I want my life to go.
In the story of the rich young ruler, I noticed a mere sentence that I've not noticed before. It says: "Jesus looked at him and loved him." Before the man showed complete and full trust, Jesus loved him. Yes, the young man had a long way to go, but he desired to know what it took to get there. I wonder if the young man ever went and sold his stuff.
I think there are areas that God doesn't have full grasp on me yet, but I don't think I could ever EVER turn away from that love God offers. Until the day I can trust fully, I will continue to know God more and try to increase the number of doors that I have closed, locked, and built durable walls in front of...I'll try to open them for God to see what's inside (although, He knows me inside and out, so you wouldn't think this is an issue.). It's quite the mess between my pride, jealousy, trust issues, and who knows what else I've stocked up on in there!
Father God -
I know that I don't trust you fully with all that I am right now. But I want to try. Help me to learn all I can about You during Lent and throughout my life. I pray I tear down the walls and open the locked doors in my heart soon. I ask you to teach me and discipline me according to your will. I love You. God, help me to love you more in all I do.
Amen.
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