Worthless

I suppose that's kind of how I felt today.  Worthless.  Where one's own mother "was getting to it."  You know, the part where she tells me that, not only does she intend on moving, but she also intends on taking my siblings eight hours away to Alabama.  I'm not gonna lie.  I'm crushed.  I hate the news, but even more than that, I hate that she was getting around to telling me when she has been avoiding my texts the last few days.  Granted, the last conversation that we had was not fantastic because it ended with her being incredibly upset with me. But, at least the decency of a text would have been nice when they were deciding where they were going to spend the rest of their lives.  (Mom and her fiancee.)  I just hate that I don't have a good relationship with my mom.  Perhaps I'm crazy for wanting one, but for me, it's one thing I've never really had but always wanted. 

Mom and her fiancee plan on getting married in July.  Not exactly how quickly I want it all to happen.  Move at the end of June.  Marriage in July.  Too quick.  I have barely gotten over the fact that my parents are officially divorced as of February of 2011.  Anyway...it just makes me crazy. 

Being closer to my siblings was my NUMBER ONE reason for transferring.  I hated missing my sister's band concerts and my little brother's christmas program.  I hated missing my little brother's first year of school and my sister's life in junior high.  I miss hanging out with them.  Of course, there is the older younger brother who is headed off to college next year!  YAY for growing up!  But, it just saddens me that I have jumped through hoops to get to the point where everything is set, and then my family, essentially, leaves me.  :'(  No fun.  Sure, I'm still going to transfer...because I do need to be closer to my doctors and my best friend.  But, I'm sad that my life was essentially ignored because "it really doesn't affect you [me] that much." 

That's all I have for now.  My fibro is being dumb tonight so my hands keep going all tingly and hurting.  Bah.  I have a headache from crying earlier.  Bah.  And my body hates the stress that this news puts on it.  Not only does the news make me feel worthless.  But, so does my body.  I am worthless.