Who

As I look at the boxes in my room, I can't help but think of the last two years of my life.  In a way, it is really sad to leave who I've become in the last two years.  The ways I've grown are enormous.  I've learned more about myself than school subjects.  I hate thinking that I am leaving this behind to go back home.  But, I'm not going home the same that I was before.  And I'm not sure people realize that.

I think about who I was before I left High School.  Leaving High School, I was a straight A student who was ON FIRE to become a music educator.  I wanted to teach the children of the world music.  All I wanted to do was play and teach.  Nothing else.  Now, I've moved completely away from that into a whole new realm of things.  I'm studying the last thing I ever thought I would study and going to school someplace I NEVER thought I would go.  I hardly thought twice about my academic future leaving High School.  Now, I think about it all the time and wonder if where I'm headed is where God wants me to go. 

I think about who I was as a friend.  In High School, I had very few friends.  But the friends I had were great.  I never really opened up to them or allowed them to see my weaknesses.  Now, I have the greatest best friend ever whom I call a dear sister!  She knows me inside and out and can tell you all my weaknesses!  The few friends I have are awesome and know the real me.  Outside of that, I'm not very social.  Thank you to Brittney, Christine, and Nichole for helping me through this year and sticking with me through it all!  And thanks to Julie for being there at the beginning of all the mess of my family and the divorce and helping me see God through it all.  My social life is hardly what it was before entering college.

I think about who I was outside of school.  Busy.  Crazily busy.  Now, my health measures what I do.  And my passion rules over everything.  Doing it all is highly unlikely.

Finally, I think about who I am spiritually.  Ha.  It would take WAY TOO MANY blog posts to say it all.  But, while I've fought with God from everything from hangers, cereal, and the cold shoulder, I have grown exponentially.  I know what it is like to be angry at God.  I know what it is like to fall before God in tears.  I know what it is like to hear His voice.  I know what it is like to see Him working in other people's lives in ways you would never dream!  I know what it is like to do crazy things for God.  I hope and pray I will continue to grow.  No matter where life takes me, I know that He is with me.  I know that He will protect my travels to Africa. 

I never would have guessed that I would go from thinking of myself as a music educator to a missionary all in two years.  But, I know that it is what I'm called to do.  I can't wait to see the children!  May I forever follow God!  Never any human being less than Jesus Christ Himself! 

So, here's to many more years of learning.  Here's to many more years of allowing God to work in my life.  Yes, it will be sad leaving this life in Springfield, Missouri.  But, I can't tell you how excited I am for this new phase of my life...academically, socially, and spiritually!