Starving Soul

Today was my fifth day of going to Mass daily.  I really enjoy being able to have the lectionary Scriptures read to me.  It's convenient and I learn a lot just by being present and surrounded by a community of believers.  I feel like I'm a baby-believer again, in a way.  Although, I'm quite the opposite.  I'm a baby-Catholic, but certainly not a baby-believer!  I think the thing for me is being okay with not taking communion.  I know that it shouldn't be a big deal and I understand the viewpoint on it, but it is still hard to pass it up when I feel I already understand the sacrament.  It isn't hurtful.  It is just hard.  I feel like all eyes recognize that I didn't accept communion, rather I received a blessing.  And, it is hard knowing that I can't take communion and not knowing when I will be able to take it again.  Usually, the RCIA program doesn't start until September and it ends nearly a year later around Easter...which we just passed.  SO...Needless to say, it sounds like it will be a while.  Which makes it difficult.  It is as if my soul is longing for the physical bread and cup to fill me spiritually.  That probably didn't make sense.  But regardless, my soul starves for the Presence of Jesus within.  I want to be apart of the unity of the Church.  I feel like I'm at home in the Catholic church, but I still feel like an outsider when it comes to the Eucharist.  I hope and pray that I don't let this discourage me.  I love the Catholic Church and I want to be apart of its ministry.

While I've been going to Mass daily, my soul is still starving.  No matter how much I try to fill it with the Scripture or prayer, it never fails to "grumble" when I pass on the Eucharistic meal.  My soul starves for the reality of the Presence of Jesus!