A lot has happened since I last wrote. But...I'll catch everything up as time goes on. Today, my brother, Andrew, graduated from high school. He made me proud. The hours sitting at the kitchen table trying to teach him chemistry and proofreading paper after paper. Trying to back him up when kids at school would make fun of him. He was my lil' brother! And I love him to this day! I'm proud that he proved every teacher wrong that has ever told him that he would never graduate...and every kid that made fun of him for wearing glasses or saying "grill" instead of "girl." Silly lisp. But, none the less, he did it. And I must say that the time away from his big sister's eyes did him well. :) Sitting in the HOTTER THAN HELL gym made it completely worth it.
And now to the "fun" part??? After the graduation, I went and picked up my best friend Nichole from the house. THEN...We went out to the house that I grew up in, Mom's place, for a get-together with the family. Upon approaching the house, I could tell it was causing her anxiety. It had been a strife to get her to even come with me, but she came because she loves me "always and forever." ;) By the time we arrived, she was in an anxiety attack and had to take her xanax (anti-anxiety med) to calm her. This was not a good sign. When we entered the house, my brother made a rude comment that almost made her walk out right then and there!!! RIDICULOUS!!! No one even rebuked it though my mom was sitting right there. NOW, I already know that my mom does not like Nichole whatsoever, but she knew and approved permission for her to come. Furthermore, knowing that she was coming and her gluten-free-ness, mom had NOTHING that my best friend could eat...except watermelon. Of course, she didn't even ask if Nichole wanted anything to eat or drink. She showed absolutely no hospitality and it hurt me to see that. BUT, more than that...this isn't the first time........
I am completely and utterly accepted in every way in Nichole's family. I am accepted for who I am. Even my gluten-free-ness is fine with them. They are willing to cater to my needs and pay for my meals even at rather expensive restaurants. They are willing to do anything to make me feel at home. I can enter their house without knocking and I'm even getting a key soon!!!!!!!! How exciting!!! I am welcome to do just about anything at that house and I'm welcome at family gatherings. Invites are sent to their house hold with the intent that I'll just tag along. It's always a good time and I am never disrespected in any way.........
SOOOOOO....When my best friend is treated like crap by my family, it hurts. It hurts more than you would think. To hear that your best friend won't come to any family gathering or even your dance recital because she doesn't feel welcome with your family??? It sucks. It makes me feel like I've failed. It makes me feel like I am not good enough. It makes me feel like I have the worst family out there because they can't even accept a friend of mine. They can't accept her as part of the family and as a huge part of my life. Sure, we haven't grown up together, but, by golly, I know her well enough that we could have! I just wish that my family would see her and respect her as a human. I know her needs are hard to cater to if you aren't thrilled about doing it, but the least you can do is try to offer something that she can eat or ask beforehand. It makes me crazy that she is essentially out of that part of my life because it causes her so much anxiety. It makes me crazy that my family behaves as it does....especially my mother.
The Methodist Church in town has something on their sign out front that says: "A child's guidebook is a parent's life."
TELL ME how I'm supposed to live my life according to what my parents have done. At least my dad shows hospitality and accepts Nichole as a daughter. Sure, he is still struggling to provide for the gluten-free thing, but he accepts that as what she must do and he doesn't like how much I look up to her and the influence that she has on my life, but you can't tell me that it isn't normal for a father to do. He still loves her as his own. BUT, then I have a parent who shows no hospitality, no respect, no nothing! I have a parent that seems to run after whatever makes her happy without any acknowledgment of who is hurt along the way. It is worse than an animal!!! At least they care for their flock! Anyhow, I feel like my guidebook is contradictory to the Bible and the way that God would have me to live. I don't want to be like the family Nichole encountered today. I want to be like Christ in every way I can. I want to take after my dad's willingness to let another dear friend into the family and his hospitality that far surpasses anything my other family members would do. I feel lost if I follow the guidebook that my parents' lives have written because they are still being written and they are still learning. I'm glad to see Dad following God whole-heartedly, I just wish I would see more of that from Mom and that crew.
I am still really upset that Nichole has been hurt by my family in such an exponential way. I wish I could make up for it in some way, but I know I really can't apologize for them. I wish I could take away the anxiety that is felt towards my family. I wish I could let her see all the good in my family, because deep down, I know it's there. BUT, I can't. The bad seems to outweigh the good in the situation. I can't believe my best friend can't stand to be around my family. I can't believe my family was so disrespectful today and on other occasions. I can't believe the guidebook that has been set for me.............
Nichole - I love you and I appreciate you. I hope you can hang in there with my crazy family. I told ya they would be quite the ride getting into this...lol. Thanks for all you've done and all you will do for me. Thanks for putting up with me in any and all moods. And thanks for being the bestie I always dreamed of having but never had until you. Always and forever.........345!
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