Day 81 - I've Been Changed...

I started thinking today. (I know, bad idea.) Today is day 81 of full-time head covering. 82 days ago, I put on a random scarf and thought it felt weird. I was SOOO aware of everything that I said or did. I paid attention when people spoke and I was COMPLETELY focused in my prayer time. I legitimately obeyed the speed limit and was conscious of every passing thought. Now, I would not recommend this feeling for it isn’t something that I am particularly fond of; it creates havoc in routine (and possibly one’s stomach!). BUT…Is that a bad thing? Is it bad to become aware of one’s actions? Is it bad to cause a lil’ uproar in one’s routine?

As I was pondering these questions, I kept thinking about how different I am as a person now than I was 82 days ago. And thus…another question came up. However, it’s more of an either-or statement.

“Has head covering changed me? OR…Have I been changed through my experience with head covering?”

Here’s the verdict: I have been changed through my experience with head covering. The physical item…the routine of putting a scarf on my head hasn’t done anything. It’s the meaning behind the doing. It’s the accountability and responsibility that I’ve found through head covering that has changed me.

I am still Samantha. BUT, I am different than who I was. I can’t tell you that I’m anywhere near the same person I was in HS. Not only have I started covering my head, but I also behave differently and have more diverse values than I did back then! Do I love the changes? Yes. Did I love them while they were occurring? Nope. (It’s never easy to make a change.)

One more thing I wanted to mention: I’m pondering the thought of what would happen if I stopped covering. How I would go about it, etc. I began out of obedience to God…so it is definitely up to God to make it clear when/if I should stop covering. SO…yeah. I don’t know. If God is logical whatsoever, then maybe He’ll remember that it’s hard to make transitions with the same group of people…so I’d really prefer if He’d make up His mind, and keep it there…so maybe, EVENTUALLY, I can figure out what He wants…lol.

ANYHOW…I’m tired. So I think I’m headed off to bed. I’ll be up EARLY in the morning! Night!