So today, I came to a realization that I didn't want to face. Watching my life go by seems to be a hobby of mine. I live my life seemingly like it's some reality TV show.
I seem to be such a fake in so many areas of my life. I tell myself that I'm doing it all right, and I'm NOT. I tell myself that I give of myself plenty, and yet I hardly give at all, and certainly not to the right things. I tell myself that I eat healthy, yet I do not. (Especially with eating that huge brownie earlier that I had for what I called breakfast.) I tell myself that I will get around to exercising and that I'll really do better at it, yet I had nothing to do all weekend and NO physical exertion has been done! I even tell myself that I'll get up in the mornings and do a devotional time with Jesus...Yet, I constantly hit snooze with no real intention of actually getting up...EVEN when I've had more than my fair share of hours of sleep! I seem to have convinced myself that I'm someone that I'm not.
Something has to change. Something has to give. I can't go on living like this. It's like I am watching my life go by, yet not enjoying it. God only will give me one life to live on this earth. It's about time that I live it to the fullest. This means everything from getting healthy physically to getting healthy spiritually. I am still not sure where to start. But, I can't go another day feeling like this. Like I'm trapped and unable to go on. I can't feel like I'm ugly any longer, when I can change my routine to change that appearance.
I'm not happy with the way I am right now. I'm not the person I want anyone to look up to and say "That's who I want to be like." So, I'm done watching life go by. I'm ready to make changes. Who knows where I'll start?! But, there MUST be some sort of transformation. Here it goes?!
Okay...Now that the ugly part of this post is out of the way... :/ Onto something else!
Today was day 70 of head covering. This is definitely something that I still feel called to do. Even though I've been sick with migraines lately, I still cannot pray unless I have my head covering on...Praying seems to be something I do a lot when I have migraines...what else are ya gonna do when you just gotta lay in bed with all the lights off?! Lol. So, other than that...it seems to be going alright. I've faced quite a few obstacles over the course of it all, but as long as I remind myself how convinced I am of the truth of Scripture and my call, I (with help from God) can pull myself through whatever obstacle Satan sticks in the way! So that's it on that one!
Ummm...There seems to be a bit of a struggle in my friendship life. I'm not going to go into it on here too much, but I'm going to request prayers for this aspect...I talk to my best friends more than I talk to God. If Jesus is my True Best Friend, then why aren't I devoting Him at least the time i devote to my other best friends here on earth who mean the world to me?! Should God mean the world to me MORE than anything else?! Exactly. So, I'm struggling with that...as well as a bit of something that came up this week. So, thanks for the prayers.
I'll try and keep the blog world updated on how this all goes with all the changes, etc. That's all for now.
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