Quite a bit is going on in my brain right now, though I just woke up from an uncomfortable nap (which only has made me more tired and longing for chocolate chip muffins). So, because this is my online blog, I thought I would give you a load of what's going on from all the proposed changes and an update on head covering. Where to begin..........
The Snooze Button:
I am ABSOLUTELY addicted to it. I have become prone to hit it MULTIPLE times in the morning. In fact, at one point in time, I have four alarms going off which cause me to hit snooze approximately every three minutes...Thursday, I hit snooze a total of 34 times. Now, you may wonder why I am emphasizing this addiction. If that is the case, let me politely tell you that this addiction is causing me to miss my time with the Best Friend Jesus. Let me continue to tell you why this is a problem...because I have been missing my time with Best Friend Jesus, I have been feeling incredibly lost lately. Until this morning, where I was definitely in need of the Sunday School lesson and the various comments made, I had even lost sight of what I felt like God was calling me to do in life. I had started, not only doubting my call, but questioning if it ever existed. It's kind of like insisting that the sky is green instead of blue on a sunny day. It's RIDICULOUS!!! Long story made short, the snooze button must go and I MUST get my Best Friend Jesus time in the morning!!!
Ministries:
Today, I really doubted if I even wanted to go to church. I was frustrated and hurt last night and wondered why God would leave me in such a state of being clueless regarding the future. I did NOT want to go to church. Thus, I hit the snooze button several times before waking up this morning. Then, I felt guilty and got ready - wearing jeans because I CERTAINLY did not feel like dressing up to go to worship the God whom I really didn't like at the moment. (At this point in time, it was kind of like sitting next to someone you really don't like at the moment but they know EVERYTHING about you...so you kind of have to deal with it, and thus do bare minimum to meet what must be done...) THUS, I went to church, wearing jeans, out of sheer stubbornness. I pulled up to the church, and sat in my car for at least five minutes contemplating if I actually wanted to go inside. Decided that I needed to go in because I am apart of the prayer ministry team and so I needed to get my name tag, and use the restroom, etc. So, I put on a smile and go inside...this is probably the first time in MONTHS that I haven't wanted to go to church. (Usually when I'm on a spiritual low, I am excited to get rejuvenated at church...this time, I wasn't.) As I'm walking into the restroom, a certain lady tells me how much I am appreciated for all that I do around the church and the ministries that I'm involved in, etc. ABSOLUTELY blew me away. I was NOT expecting that. And, I couldn't get out of that restroom fast enough in order to avoid tears. After feeling overburdened by all that I do, and having multiple people telling me to cut back, this one particular lady sees what I do and is thankful. Let it be known that I hold nothing against anyone who has told me to cut back. I take your words very seriously. From that point on, the morning got better. I was able to connect to God through the worship songs. I allowed my mind to wander during the message and see where God allowed my thoughts to go.
In Sunday school, we are progressing through the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. Today's letter focused on prayer. However, for some reason, my co-leader read some quotes from a magazine regarding worship. It's out of Neue magazine...Spring 2010 issue. And one of the articles talked about how to lead when you feel nothing. One of the quotes from the band interviewed (Hillsong United) was "If it is easy to worship, then it probably isn't really worship." (May or may not be exactly the quote, slightly paraphrased.) It talked about how worship is a choice. I don't have to "feel" like worshiping to worship. In fact, that's probably when I should worship! To worship is a choice that i made with each decision, including the decision to open up my heart for God to speak to me this morning. Anyhow, enough with that...
Scarves:
Headcovering day 78 is today! As the days progress, the questions NEVER END!!! Lol. Recently, I've really been struggling with God's call on my life to cover my head. (Although I wonder if it never has really gone away, and appears at it's own will.) Anyhow, I must admit that I am beginning to get frustrated with the questions. I am actually curious to see how my answers have changed since the first week I started wearing my cover. I am sure they have been altered quite a bit! The questions are actually getting harder to answer. I think part of that is my struggle with perseverance. I am tired of answering them. I used to be fine. And honestly, I don't ever tell anyone how annoying the questions have become, because I believe that I should answer them...it's part of wearing a cover. I forget how unusual it must be for people to see me with my cover on. I have become used to it. I think it might be becoming a "ritual" sort of thing. It still holds it's meaning because I do it for God because He has called me to...BUT, it's kind of crazy trying to remember that when I become annoyed. BUT, I believe God wants me to at least finish out the semester wearing my cover. I'm still struggling with how I would even stop wearing it if that's where God leads me. BUT, if God takes me to that point, then I'm sure He will be willing to give further instructions. Haha.
ANYHOW...I am going to my campus ministry worship tonight. God and I need all the time we can get together. I attempted to catch up on the New Testament in 90 days program this afternoon (by reading Romans) and I fell asleep. Obviously, Romans was not able to capture my attention. BUT, I hear there will be twinkies at worship tonight, and students teaching, so I'm pretty excited about that! :) PLUS, I don't have to do anything!!! Just attend. And worship. And though I really don't feel like getting off of my comfortable couch, I am making the choice to do so. I will update more later. Adios for now!
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