Just a Little...

Disappointed.  Angry.  Hurt.

Yeah, that's the extent of what I am right now.  I had hoped to have a dream wedding in November when I began this battle.  However, through it's craziness, I have learned that I won't get that dream wedding.  Not with the budget that I have.  But, I've also learned that God wanted a simple wedding for two simple believers.  Now, I see how important it is to have the ones you love with you on that big day!  Not everyone I want to be there will be at my wedding though...

Some live out of town like 12 hours away (they are excused).

Some can't afford to come up/down for the wedding (they are excused).

Some didn't rearrange their schedule to be at their family's members wedding.  This I find ridiculous.  Especially with ample notice...sure, it may not have been a year or two in advance, but 2-4 months, should be plenty of time.

My mom and my siblings will probably not be at my wedding.  This sucks.  I wanted my sister to be a part of my wedding (and my lil' bro and lil' big bro - ya know, the ones who are blood-related to me)...but now, they can't.  My mom is my mom!!!  You'd think it would be a "no duh" with that one!  Of course I want my mom at my wedding!  (Of course, when I was eloping - that was the only disappointing part - my parents couldn't be a part of my wedding!)  Now, I'm not eloping.  I want people there.  I want there to be a spirit of celebration.  And so yeah, I'm disappointed, angry, and hurt that they won't be there.

I wish I could change the date of my wedding.  But I can't.  If I knew that Nichole's grandma would be around in a year or two (or even 6 months), I would wait.  But I don't.  And I don't want to be that fiance who causes her grandma to be unable to be at her wedding.  That's just not how it works.  I don't want that to be something that comes between us.  I would want my fiance to do the same if it were my grandma who was dying of cancer!!!  And maybe in 6 months or 2 years, Nichole's grandma will still be around (God willing!!!).  But, I'm not gonna chance it because it doesn't make sense to do so.

Plus, Nichole and I need to get married.  We're already living together and sharing each other's lives (No, we aren't having sex), but God would prefer that we get married sooner rather than later.  We already act like married people. LOL.

Just wish my family would be there with me to celebrate.  It hurts because they would probably make sure to rearrange their schedules if I were marrying a man in a traditional wedding that everyone had been planning too.  No one helped us plan this wedding.  No one helped with costs.  So, I have done everything possible to make sure that this wedding happens - Yet, it appears that I rank on the bottom of the priority list.

Just so you know, I'm STILL going to get married to Nichole by the end of Nov 17th, 2012.  And I will be the happiest girl on my wedding day because I will be spending the rest of my life with my best friend!  :)