Nostalgic Night

Hello Blogging World -

I seem to be feeling nostalgic tonight as I try to figure out specifics of the next steps I am taking in my life.  That's where the nostalgia begins...At one point in time, I was absolutely certain of where I was headed.  In fact, last night, I dreamed of being in a small, old practice room on the bottom floor of Ellis Hall, where I began my college journey.  In high school, I determined that I was going to school to be a music educator and that was that.  I devoted every spare and waking moment to pursuing that goal.  I spent several weeks where I put over 300 hours into my music.  I practiced the flute until my hands were beyond repair and my eyes darted to and fro reading music.  I would go to school early to practice and stay after school late to practice and then go home and practice and practiced again around 11:30pm, which was a given practice time-every night.  Regardless.  I was certain and I devoted myself to it.  Now, I can't even remember the last time I spent an hour practicing my flute though there have been a few times where I have picked it up or played a tune for my guys.  I just can't hardly believe that I devoted myself to it to the extent I did and now I do nothing for it.  I am quickly reminded why I miss it so much!

I had an absolutely amazing band teacher for two years of high school.  The very first time she challenged me with a piece for contest, it was certainly a challenge not because of the technicality of the piece but because of the story the piece had to portray.  Every piece has a story.  Whether it is a story you give it or that you must portray through it, the music takes all you've got for those 3 minutes.  From that point on, I poured all of who I was into the music.  The music shaped who I was and I shaped the music.  Not only that, but my faith, my religion, my belief in God was poured through the music that came from the instruments I played.  And inadvertently, part of who I was got left behind when I left the music program at Missouri State University.  Crazy enough, I didn't even find it when I went to the music program at Lindenwood University.

I have God for sure.  Thankfully, He never left me.  But I remember why I love music.  I communicated not only to the world through music but also to God.  I communicated to myself the pain I felt and the craziness of life.  I found comfort and excitement through playing music and listening and evaluating the story behind the music.

So, where does this take me tonight?  I'm not sure.  I'm still positive that I'm not meant to be a music teacher.  But I do know that for the sake of my humanity, I ought to keep my talent alive because it kept me alive.  I used to be good at playing the flute.  I'm not sure I'm so great now because I have devoted the time to it.  But perhaps some day I can manage to be awesome at it again.  That is....as long as I remember the goodness of music and the language it has deep within the soul....my soul.

Nostalgia can be detrimental.  If we begin to look and focus on the past so much that we forget we have a future that we can help create ahead of us, it is then that looking back can be harmful.  However, if we use it as a propeller and motivator for our future, then so be the good in it.  If we think about it, the Israelite were often nostalgic, with some good and some bad. Thinking about "how good it was back in Egypt in slavery" was not at the top of the list of precious moments in Israelite history.  However, the lessons they learned and the ways God had blessed them are remembered every single morning and evening as they recite the Shema and other prayers.  As they read the scrolls, they read them as though it is their history of their grandparents, as it is....plus a few generations or so.

Remember but don't dwell.  Remember and be thankful.

Musically Yours -

Reclaimed.