Shocking Existence

Recently, life has changed. On Monday, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I was put on a drug called Cymbalta. I didn't want to start this medicine, but with much persuading from my doctor, I started it. Well, I had a bad reaction to it...AND, I was taken off of it within three days of starting it. I'm not really sure what I have going for me now. I don't know if my doctor will put me on something else for my fibro (short for fibromyalgia) or if he intends to wait to see what the rheumy (abbrev for rheumatologist) wants to do.

On Monday, my lab work came back showing that I have a high rheumatoid factor. This means that I have some sort of rheumatic disease, most likely rheumatoid arthritis. Not going to lie, I'm pretty scared about having RA (abbrev for rheumatoid arthritis). I keep reading statistics like: Fewer than 50% of people with RA are working ten years after their diagnosis. NOW...I realize that there are quite a few things I can do to slow it down, but inevitably, the disease will still progress forward whether I go into remission or not.

With both of these chronic illnesses, it has sent my life into shock. I always tried to imagine what life must be like for people with chronic pain, but I never placed myself in those shoes long enough to test what I would do if placed in such situations. I never imagined how my life would change if diagnosed with a chronic illness. It seemed so unreal until the diagnosis was confirmed. The pain became more real and long-lasting.

Just to confirm, this pain has been going on since mid-November, shortly after my most recent car accident. However, some of the symptoms have been going on for years. It comes in flares. Some days are better than others. Some days, if the weather is nice, stress is low, and not much is required of my body, can be good, and even ALMOST pain-free. Clearly, the weather, stress, and physical exertion beyond limits make the pain worse. Not to mention, the lack of sleep that seems to happen often with all the pain. Don't forget the migraines, vitamin D deficiency, and depression that I deal with too.

Now, I don't want to be "Debby Downer" here, but this is my new reality that I'm learning to adjust to. Today, I decided that I wanted to do a blog post and play keys tonight for church, so I haven't done a lot of texting, nor have I done much homework that requires writing/typing. It is taking time to learn how to prioritize what I want to do and what I MUST do. I understand that I only have so much energy and strength to get through each day. (I've had some really good teachers for how to live with chronic pain and still live as pleasantly as possible.) My heating blanket and Netflix have become my best friends. Although, my internet only works about half the time! Sad face. I'm also trying to figure out living arrangements for next fall since the initial plan fell through with my transferring universities. I know I'll get through it...Just hope that God has something else in mind that I haven't thought of...

I'm doing what I can to make it through. I am reading about my illnesses as well as finding tips from others with the illnesses. I hope to find a common diet that I can stick to in order to help relieve the pain. Not only will the diet help the pain, but I'll also lose weight, which has been a goal of mine. I've already lost 15 pounds in about 5 weeks?!?! I'm learning about medicines that can help with what I have and I'm trying to be patient with my doctor and nurse. I've read about three books in the past two weeks about fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis, digesting any information that can be of help! Hopefully I'll find middle grounds.

Now, contrary to what one might think, my life isn't completely consumed by these illnesses. The last few days, the pain has been on the forefront with the new diagnoses and the intensity of it, BUT...I still love to talk about what's going on outside of my body. I can hardly play my flute for very long (hoping the switch and meds can help), but I love to talk about music. OR God, who is the One who is truly helping me through this. I love to talk about other people and how life is going. I don't even mind listening to other people's health struggles. I'm trying to find new ways to be in service to others, while watching my own health. For example, I'm trying to figure out how I can be of use on a college mission trip, when I KNOW that I'm not going to be able to "work." I wonder what I can do though my strength in my hands is decreasing and my feet, knees, and hips hate me.

These illnesses have impacted my life. But more than that, I'm trying to defeat their control by focusing, not on how much damage they've done, but how much I can STILL do because of them...and some different things that I can do because their presence has made it difficult to do the "usual" things.