Today was interesting. Actually, it still is interesting! VERY interesting. I was going to attempt to wear my "hijab" style out today...Merely going to Walmart. Seems simple, right?! No. On the way there, I freaked out about it. And, it eventually turned into taking the head cover ALL THE WAY OFF!!! I had brought a normal scarf to wrap if I couldn't wear the hijab out, but I choose to NOT wear my cover inside to Walmart. Let me just say...BAD DECISION!!!!!!!!!!
Perhaps you will recognize the feeling of "I know that I'm doing something wrong, but I'm gonna try it anyway" from when you were a kid. Well, I had one of those feelings today as I walked through Walmart with my head COMPLETELY uncovered!!! Let me reiterate: BAD BAD BAD BAAADDDD decision. People seemed to be staring at me. I must have been walking quickly since I almost took out a kid or two along the way. And the ladies who seemed to take FOREVER getting their milk made me CRAZY! By the time I had rushed my way to wait impatiently in line, I must have looked horrible. I'm sure it was just a pleasantry, but the cashier asked me..."Are you doing okay today?" Not a "How are you?" The previous question seems a bit more severe. I wonder if there was some ridonkulous look on my face. Or if it was merely a nudge from God. But, God certainly slapped me in the face with this Walmart Run. And IMMEDIATELY I started thinking...OH MY GOODNESS! What have I done!?
Not only did I feel like a rebellious kid, I also felt like I had disappointed God. I had started feeling like I was in control of this whole head covering thing and that "I" could CHOOSE when to wear my cover and when I could take it off. I guess my Walmart run was MORE than a gentle reminder of Who is truly in control.
I obviously realize that I am supposed to be wearing my head covering at this time in my life. I don't know if I will ever take it off. But, I do know that if I ever take it off again, it won't be because I'm planning my strategies of how not to wear my cover! IF I EVER EVER EVER TAKE OFF MY COVER, IT WILL BE BECAUSE GOD HAS ALLOWED ME TO.
Real quick: Here's a couple more benefits I realized from this experience, besides obeying My God...When I put my cover on, it reminds me to slow down. I start to realize people. Real faces. Not just some old lady shopping at Walmart. It keeps the Mission of Christ real in my life. Also, I realize how easily women are disrespected in this society. With my cover being on, for the previous 46 days, I have been respected as a woman. With it off, people didn't make a point to show respect. Now, I don't cover for me. I cover for God. But, these are certainly benefits that I will no longer take for granted with covering.
That's all for now! I gotta go to church! SEE YA!
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