Family

It's been a while since I posted, so I figured I would today!  First and foremost, happy independence day!  Welcome to mid-summer!  Hope you all are staying cool and DRY?!  It looks like it will be an okay night for fireworks, considering it was pouring all afternoon/evening yesterday!!!  So that's exciting!  I heard rumor that we were shooting off our own fireworks tonight at Nichole's place.  I haven't done that in YEARS, so while I'm not lighting them, I want to make sure to give others a hard time about it.  Just kidding!!!  (Kind of...lol.)

Since it is July, the Kelly family is gearing up to go OUT OF THE COUNTRY?!?!?!  I take them to the airport on Friday afternoon for them to leave for their Baltic Cruise.  I am terribly jealous, because I know they are going to have a PHENOMENAL TIME!!!!!!!  Plus, I've never been out of the country, nor on a cruise ship, and they get to do both!  So, that's really exciting for Nichole and her family.  It'll be exciting to hear all of their stories when they return.  As they gear up to go cruisin', I am learning all I can about taking care of their pets.  They have two dogs (easy!!!), two bunnies (which are ADORABLE), and two birds (which seem easy, but still are a bit scary).  Today, I got out the bunnies to love on them a while while Nichole was at work.  They are so cute and totally worth the coated clothes!!!  Okay, legitimately, my clothes are COVERED in bunny fur.  I changed completely afterwards.  As I'm getting to know the bunnies and being able to get them out by myself, I'm feeling more comfortable with taking care of them.  I don't want their animals to be cooped up in a cage for two weeks, so being able to get them out and back in without any huge obstacles is comforting!!!  And while Ashes likes to cuddle, Emily is active and fun to play with.  She is slowly growing on me!  :)  As for the birds, I'm learning.  They are seeming easier to handle than what I first imagined.  Ruby, the African Grey, doesn't really care for me, but I'm learning tricks for how to deal with her. I learned how to feed Freckles, the cockatiel, last night.  He isn't too bad, and while he enjoys flying, he was hurt last week in a flying adventure so in recovering for that, he is not flying much.  His wings were clipped.  So, while he may not like me very much, at least I don't have to chase him around too much! Haha.  The dogs, Bailey and Clyde, are easy to take care of.  They like their food wet, which is gross, but whatever?!  Lol.  They are the most laid back, well-behaved dogs I have EVER encountered!!!  They listen to me better than my own dog, Jax, listens to me!!!  So, needless to say, I'm learning how to take care of their most precious family additions.  

I'm much better today than I was yesterday.  I really don't like this new med that I started last week.  It makes me extremely tired and groggy.  I sleep 10+ hours a night, which I really can't afford to get into the habit of.  No issue of insomnia there!!!  My body hurts still, but what's new?!  I am doing better in the long run, but I still seem to be in more pain than I should be in.  After a talk with my best friend last night, I think it would probably be best to try a different course in meds or something!  The physical therapy is helping, but outside of the sessions, I'm not doing the greatest at keeping up with it.  The exercises are not as simple as they seem and I fear I am doing them wrong when I do them.  BUT, it is nice to walk out of a PT session with pain levels as low as 1!  Hopefully, my rheumatologist can figure out why my rheumatoid factor is high and why I still have tons of joint pain even though I'm on a medicine used to treat rheumatoid arthritis.  I should see some sort of difference two months into the med, right???  Anyway, I think as my life gets put back in order and I catch up on my finances, the lowered stress will be able to lower my pain levels a bit too.  Perhaps not to a zero, but at least some.  

Okay, I'm getting bored of talking about my health, so on to something else?!

Oh, I was able to visit some family from England yesterday.  That was fun!  Exhausting, but good!  I am still struggling to figure out some things regarding my more immediate family, but that's not for the blogging world to see.  Sorry!  But, prayers are appreciated as I discern what to do and how to go about doing it!  Thanks!

Anything else you want to know, you can always comment or email me!  Beyond that, I'm done.  

Ketchup

I haven't updated you all in a while, so I thought I'd do a "Ketchup" post.  :)

All in all, I've been pretty good.  This past weekend, I went down to the beach with my mom, her fiancee, his kid, my sister, my littlest brother Jacob.  I had a good time.  Wednesday night, after dance class, we headed down to Alabama where we picked up him and his crew.  We didn't get in until SUPER late, or early...6am?!  Then we snoozed for a lil' while at his place.  Then, we packed our bags and hit the road for the beach.  This trip was quite the ordeal as it was one of the few times that I was going down to AL, but also going gluten free.

It seems like everything in the south is fried.  You've got fried tomatoes, fried chicken, fried shrimp, fried ANYTHING?!  So, getting food was quite the challenge.  The first two places we ate were a major fail.  One night my plate had a roll on it.  The second night I had fried jalapeno hushpuppies.  Then we began to eat at places that were a little more friendly to me.  One place had an allergy menu, so I could cross gluten off the list.  The manager had to come and take my order and then brought out my food.  It was so comforting knowing that they cared about people who couldn't eat gluten.  The next place had a gluten free menu, so I just ordered off of it.  I know my family isn't used to having someone around with food allergies, and I know my mom isn't a fan of this diet, but I think after this weekend, they are beginning to adjust to it.  Even though they were impatient at times, they are beginning to see what I can eat and what I can't, which is a great start!  (And I even made a conscious choice to pray before each meal, even if I was doing it alone!!!)

Eating gluten free isn't the only thing my family learned while we were at the beach.  They also began to see that I can't do everything.  I talk about my health a lot on here because it limits a lot of what I can and can't do.  The first night at the beach, I was so worn out from the drive and lack of sleep that I couldn't even manage to get out of bed to go eat dinner.  The second night I was able to go out because I paced myself.  We also got to go play mini golf, during which I scored 2nd place!!!  That was exciting!  I wasn't able to spend Saturday on the beach because I had overdone myself the night before, but I was able to sit out with the family and play a game of Yahtzee!  Unfortunately, I scored in 2nd place again?!  Seemed to be a theme.  Sunday, I riled myself out of bed to go to Mass at 8 in the morning!  I was told we were to leave the condo at 10am, so I was under the impression that everyone would be pretty much packed and ready to load when I got back.  Yeah, apparently not.  Everyone was sleeping when I got back.  Not so great!  SO...I had a bowl of yummy goodness!  :-)

Meet Yummy Goodness.  This is a creation by Nichole, my best friend.  It is vanilla ice cream, covered in strawberries (which have been soaked in sugar), and caramel topping.  It is DELICIOUS!!!  I eat lots of this because it makes me happy.  Lol.  I made sure I had this down south too.  It is gluten free as all of the parts are gluten free! ;)  So, I had a bowl of this for breakfast after I got back from Mass.  BTW, Happy Pentecost half a week late!  Of course, we got up and out of there eventually, but I was exhausted from it all!  After the long 8 hour drive back from his place on Monday morning, Morgan and I had stage rehearsals.  Now, she did most of the dancing, but not being home killed me.  I also played around with the lights since I'm running lights this weekend and did a lil' dancing of my own for the alumni dance!  Around 10:15pm, I finally arrived home.  After unpacking, I crawled into bed grateful to have such a comfy bed!!!  It was certainly a weekend!!!

Since then, I haven't done much.  I got to go see Nichole for a little while yesterday.  I was happy to see her, although she wasn't so happy to go back to season ONE on Prison Break when she was at a cliff hanger on season THREE?!?!?!  But, she did...until she got her sister's computer to watch her episodes with headphones.  Lol.  Either way, we got to hang out for a while.  OH...We also painted our toes again!  I just put glitter on mine this week.  It made up for her super cute pink and green toes with flowers!!!  ;)

Anyhow, I am in a lot of pain today.  I hate how fibromyalgia works...Ya never know when a bad day will come.  But, I'll make it through.  Really wishing I could find a job...It is driving me crazy!  But, who knows?!  Someday someone will hire me.  Just hope it is sooner rather than later.  I'm wondering if I still have ice cream here...if so, Yummy Goodness will be an order.  Especially since I had M&Ms for breakfast.  Lol.  Great diet!  I know!  Hopefully this was a decent Ketchup!  Much love!

Chosen & Defeated

Today, Nichole and I decided to try the Church of St. Cletus.  We went to the noon mass.  It was definitely a contemporary mass...and I felt completely at home.  To the few of you that I've talked to, you know the excitement that I have!  This is EXACTLY what I needed:  the reverence for the Christ and the Eucharist as well as the contemporary music to bring it to heart for me.  SO, I've chosen where I will be going in the coming weeks, months, and YEARS!  I hope to set up an appointment with one of the Fathers for later this week to talk about joining the fun and things like that!  I'd love to figure out how to do the whole Confession thing and begin doing that.  Sounds kinda crazy that I want to go to confession, but I really feel it would help me sort through my life and get it back to the "me" it used to be (only in a new phase of life).  In other words, I want the joy and the peace I had...AND the motivation and momentum to do anything my heart led me to do!

On another topic, I have a rheumatologist appointment in the St. Louis area Tuesday morning.  It's early so I have to drive from school to Monday evening after arriving home just today after a long weekend!  THEN, I must deal with the rheumy and drive back for more finals on Wednesday that I've not even looked at yet.  I'm already stressed about the finals I've been studying for that are tomorrow, none the less the finals I haven't studied for yet!!!  BUT...I've waited for this appointment for MONTHS so Mom thinks I should go.  I hate that I have to do all this driving.  It's a 4 hour trip which is hard on my body when it is weak like this.  It just really frustrates me that I have to deal with another doctor in the middle of finals week.  I'm nearly panicked.  I am in tears with frustration and stress keeps on piling on top of me.  :'(  I just don't know anymore.  My grades will drop this semester.  No doubt in that.  I'd love to keep my 4.0, but somehow I feel that isn't going to happen by a long shot!  I know that a B would be great for some people, but I have INCREDIBLY HIGH standards for myself.  I feel like I'm surrendering though.  I'm allowing my health to take priority over my school work and that isn't like me.  That's like this "me" that I've become because of the trauma my body has been through in recent months.  

I hate feeling like this.  I hate feeling like I have to choose between what I want and what my body wants.  My body hates me right now.  It hardly made it through the drive back here and now I'm going to terrorize it again and make the drive the next three days.  The stress isn't helping my body either.  And stress is kind of the definition for finals week.  But hey, it's only two weeks out of the year! 

So, I won't drag this out too long, but please say a prayer that this all works out as God wants.  I'm relying on Him to pull me through.  AND...I must confess that I AM SOOOOO EXCITED ABOUT BECOMING A CATHOLIC!!!!  LOL!  :)  Oh, and Happy Mothers' Day!

BUNNIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Journey into the Unknown

Today, I've really missed the familiar.  Ya know, the stuff I've been doing to worship Jesus for the last 19 years, 11 months, and one day!  But, I'm positive that I'm headed in the right direction.  Once I'm in His Presence, I know that what I'm doing is right.  As anyone might guess, it wears off.  And I freak out and my uncertainty comes back. But it isn't so much uncertainty about my decision as it is moving into the unfamiliar.  Anyhow, I don't want to drag this out because my hands hurt pretty bad right now as they are swollen, but...

I went up for a blessing at communion today, since I'm not Catholic yet.  The lady didn't really know what to do with someone who doesn't want or can't take communion.  So, I just tried to forgive and forget...but I couldn't forget.  It made me feel incredibly uncomfortable.  I look back on it and laugh.  But at the time, I was nearly in tears.  It was hard enough being closed from the table, though I understand why I couldn't partake in the meal.  So, that will be one thing that I'll just have to learn to deal with while I'm not Catholic and perhaps this time away from the meal will help me truly appreciate the significance of it, though it pains me to wait.  Another phase of my wilderness.  :)

On another note, I "told" my Methodist pastor about becoming Catholic through an email after his asking if I could preach at the end of June.  So, hopefully he takes it well and doesn't ask too many questions.  ;) 

Okay.  I'm done.  I'm becoming a Catholic, so bear with me as I transition.  OH...And my best friend/sister, Nichole, says the bestest prayers ever!!!  :-)  So, enjoy the ride as I journey into the unknown......

Maamuzi

I've made my decision.  So, thanks to all those who have said a prayer for me.  I really appreciate it.

Clearly, the name of this blog is not English.  In fact, it is Swahili for "decisions."  I've been making a lot of decisions lately.  Not to be a pastor was a HUGE decision.  However, I'm finding a lot of freedom in that and finding my way in life, including my Purpose.  I'm finding that there are ways outside of the pulpit that I can lead people to Jesus.  And honestly, they are pretty HUGE ways.

I've decided to become a missionary.  I want to go to Africa with the Maryknoll Lay Missioners.  It is a Catholic organization that takes care of EVERYTHING you can imagine to make sure as much work for Jesus gets done as possible!  Hopefully, I will be able to teach English and spend time with the lil' ones in Kenya!  It is also a three and a half year program, with four weeks of vacation, a stipend to cover living expenses, and MUCH more!  Honestly, it is my DREAM program.

But by now you've noticed that it is a Catholic organization.  Why am I looking at a Catholic organization?  Because I am joining the Catholic church.  I have really been praying about my life and its direction.  After really feeling like God wasn't calling me to be a pastor, I felt led to the Catholic church.  I have a friend who is a pretty strong Catholic.  After going to Mass a few times, I just feel more at home in the Catholic church.  I've discussed, pretty extensively, what the Catholics believe.  I have done TONS of research about their doctrine and every single thing I've ever disagreed with, I don't disagree with anymore.  I just feel like going to the Catholic church is the right thing for me.  As for the concepts of not taking communion for the next while and going to confession, they make me sad and slightly uncomfortable respectively, but I will press on and get through it.  Confession only makes me a little uncomfortable because it is so foreign to me.  But, I'm sure I'll get used to it.  I love the reality of it.  SO, I hope I will have the support of everyone in making this transition.  Believe me, I have NOT taken this decision lightly.  Most of you reading this know that I was born and raised United Methodist and have rarely strayed from that path.  But, take comfort in that I fully believe that I'm a Christian believing that Jesus came to earth to die on a cross to save me.  I am just going to follow where God leads me.  It is a plus that there are MANY programs out there for missionaries in the Catholic church.

These are the decisions, or maamuzi, that I've been praying about and settling.  I am open to discussion, but not debate.  Thanks for your cooperation on that!  Anyway, that's what's going on!!!  Happy Dead Day!

My rosary.  :)

Time Travel

5:15am  Woke up thinking about best friend.  Text said person.

6:00am  Fell back asleep.  FINALLY!

6:40am  Woke back up.  Text received about blog last night from best friend.  More talk about said blog.

7:00am  Best friend mentions being scared of herself and what she can do to end the pain.  Scares me to death!

8:00am  Will not get off the phone with best friend.  Scares me too much to think about losing her, even if she was at work today.  Began packing as quickly as possible.

9:00am  Left the apartment.  Got fuel.  (And a Pepsi.)  And was on my way to her place.  ETA: 12:30pm.

10:03am  Got the feeling I was going to be run over by an 18-wheeler...twice.  Was on phone off and on with best friend.  Starting to feel better as she made various appointments with doctors and seemed to cheer up.  

11:15am  Felt the need to pray the Rosary, thus the Rosary was prayed for said friend.  Afterward, much singing in adoration of God was done.  I had a good time with it, though still completely paying attention to my driving.

11:40am  Metal bar in road.  Car next to me.  Can't swerve to miss it.  "Shit."  Ker-plunk, Ker-plunk.

11:41am  Smoke appeared from rear.  Concerns me greatly.

11:42am  Left message on Dad's voicemail.  Call Mom.  Mom said it was probably fine.  Dad returns call.  Dad said it was not fine.

11:43am  Pull off at gas station just to check on the car.  Asked Dad if it is okay to turn off my car.  He said that I should be fine.  Turn car off.

11:44am  Checked on car.  Lots of red fluid has formed a puddle under my car.  Concerns me greatly.  Looks above car...no parking sign.  Ahead of me, scale for 18-wheelers.  Truckers pull around me ungrateful of my desire to park my car in their way.  (Though, one trucker was an excellent driver and figured out how to make it!)

12:02pm  Still sitting at gas station.  Scared and alone.  Unsure of what to do.  Posted this status:

Scared and lonely.  

Sitting in a no parking zone in a car that is leading tons of oil and probably a shot engine.  

Yay for some metal bar in the middle of hwy 44.  

Needless to say, it's just me and God for the next while.  :'/

12:03pm  Still scared.  Multiple calls.  Afraid of the battery quickly decreasing on my phone.  Still wondering when I'm going to make it home (well, my best friend's home).  Praying that God will use this incident in some good way.  

12:57pm  Dad arrives.  By now, it looks as if some dead person is bleeding all underneath my car.  Transferred stuff over to his car.  ROLLED/PUSHED my car to a safer location.  Hid key for tow truck driver and headed to best friend's house with much thanks to Dad!  :)

2:06pm  Arrival and unloaded my stuff.  Set up my throne next to best friend's throne.  Thanked God for the safe arrival.  And continued my day.  

**********

Needless to say, it has been quite the day.  Especially with the craziness of my morning.  My friend honestly scared me.  I suppose it is because she began using my name in the texts.  She does that when she is upset or angry.  But this time, I just got the vibe.  I didn't ignore it.  As I was driving, I wondered if I was nuts making the drive home the weekend before finals week.  But, I completely and totally understood that I needed to make the drive.  No matter how much my knees screamed at me.  And especially while I was praying the Rosary, I just felt I was doing something right.  Granted, the metal bar came and it seemed all was lost.  But while the financial burden will certainly be a burden, I knew it would all play into some crazy plan of God's.  I didn't lose hope, except for a moment that I had to myself before the phone calls came.  The greatest part though, was that my best friend sent me a text right as I was ending the Rosary thanking me for taking the time to come home to see her.  That was definitely my favorite part of the day.  

I don't know how many people can just get up and leave whatever you're doing, without even thinking of the consequences, to be there for a friend.  I just hope that you are there for people when they need you most.  I pray that you are there to listen and to be a smile, even if it is your last!  I hope you have someone in your life that would do the same for you too!  

Most of all, I pray that you have someone in your life that you can share life with.  No, I'm not talking specifically about marriage or boyfriend/girlfriend, though that can be part of it.  I'm talking about someone you can be completely and utterly honest with.  The person that you can share your heart, no matter how heavy it is, and they are willing to hold it in their hands with the utmost care you could ever imagine.  The person you can share your deepest darkest secrets with, but can be laughing hysterically 23.7 seconds later!  Someone you love being around, even if nothing is said.  Someone who loves you for you, no matter what.  

I have that friend.  In fact, she is even more than a best friend.  She is my sister.  Not by blood.  Rather by that deep friendship that we are sharing life together.  Through thick and thin, we hold each other up.  Even when our strength is weak, we have God to help us.  Our faith keeps our glimmer of a will going through it all.  I know I can make it through any day because I have someone here on earth willing to walk (or even crawl) with me through it.  

Today has been interesting.  Scary.  But a reminder of what really matters in this life:

1)  Love God.

2)  Love People. 

The WKND! Amen!

Recently, I have been bombarded with news.  Even, some very interesting news.  However, beyond that...I've been praying.  Praying for answers.  Praying for His presence to be known.  And it could be that today is a Friday, but I feel like some sort of comfort and peace has come out of this day.  

First off, my doctor increased my dosage of Lyrica, the drug I take for my fibromyalgia.  And so that is good news to hear that he is okay with doing that.  I realized today that I can't hardly wear my rings any longer because the pressure of them on my hand hurts!!!  It's kind of ridiculous if you ask me.  But whatever.  So hopefully the increase will show positive improvement.  :)  

I was able to finish a presentation last night and it seemed to go well this morning.  It was INCREDIBLY hard to understand and thus turn around and teach...so I am excited to have that done with.  However, I have to mess with this ridiculous paper for that class now.  So, that will be ONE thing that will consume my wknd.  Not to mention all of the other homework that I have to get done.  I actually missed turning in an assignment today, due to lack of understanding.  And that is VERY MUCH unlike me.  That's okay though.  I have extra credit and I am on good terms with the professor.  She's fantastic.  By FAR my favorite class! :)  So, lots to do with revising my short story and working on my oral history religion project.  

My weekend will be consumed by homework.  But hopefully I will feel good.  Laundry is being done.  And an audition is being prepared.  And I am THRILLED to be transferring!!!  Though, I'm not so sure about the marching band thing.  Still prayin' on that one!  Anyhow, that's all I have for now!  

8 or so days until Easter!!!  Wahoo! (I'm a creeper...)  

Praying the Rosary

My Rosary

Recently, I have begun to pray the rosary.  

No, I am not Catholic.  I am a protestant.  

However, I have begun to see a peace from God and reverence for God that I haven't had in a REALLY long time.  While you may think that this is a horrible thing and that I should be able to get those things (peace and reverence) by doing something else...okay, you may be right.  But, for me, the rosary isn't about praying to Mary, Jesus' mother.  It is a meditation tool.  It is something that I can do to keep me focused.  It gives me something to play with while I pray, something to say while I meditate, and something specific to meditate on.  While I don't agree with one set of the mysteries (because I don't know that they are biblical because they go off of assumptions), I still LOVE the other three sets of mysteries.  

There are four sets of five mysteries: Joyful, Sorrowful, Glorious, and Luminous.  If one wishes to pray the rosary, you typically choose one set of the mysteries to meditate on, rather than doing all 20 mysteries (4 sets), or follow the pattern set by Pope John Paul II.  

If you wish to know more about how to pray the rosary you can follow this link and it will give you instructions on how to pray and the set of mysteries for each day:  How to Pray the Rosary 

I do not plan on ever becoming Catholic, as I do not agree with much of their doctrine.  But, I love this meditation tool of the rosary.  And I don't only have the choice of praying the mysteries, I can also pray the rosary for a person or special need.  

Here is a link to a great website that will explain more about the mysteries as well as some FAQ that you probably are thinking too!  Might explain some of those horrible things that you are thinking about me because of what you consider the rosary to be.  The Rosary - Catholic Bible 101


I am more than happy to discuss this rosary thing with you, so if you have a question or concern, feel free to post a comment or email me.  Hope to hear your thoughts!
 

Day 46: UPDATE!

Hi Everyone!

So, I just wanted to give an update about everything that's going on in my life right now. This will probably end up being a ramble about head covering and divorce. Haha...

SO...It's been more than 45 days of head covering! I counted that this is day 46 of head covering. I still can't believe that it's been that long. THOUGH, some days, it seems like I've been covering all my life. I wonder how many times I will get asked the same questions over and over again! Why do you cover? But you're a Christian! Do you take everything in the Bible literally? Why would you cover such beautiful hair? Etc. Can't people be more creative in constructing their questions?! Granted, I did get one question a few weeks ago that I was really impressed by! It was regarding the pastoral ministry and covering my head. If I remember, I'll post it following this one!

Other than the bad questions, I have been feeling a nudge from God to try wearing my scarf "hijab" style, which seems to be accepted as the "Muslim look." I am still not sure on this one. I think the style is EXTREMELY comfortable. It doesn't push back my ears quite as tight as the bun style. I wrapped my head as such earlier today (and I have it as such again), but I couldn't bring myself to going out with it on. I don't think it really matters how I cover my head, as much as that I DO cover my head (in accordance with what God's will is for my life). I also think that I am afraid of rejection. I want people to like me. So, it's getting harder and harder to branch out and be different because the differences seem to be creating a separation between me and the world. God did say that we are to be "in" the world, but not "of" the world, so it really shouldn't be a problem. BUT, there is still that idea that people will not support me if I begin "to look like a Muslim." EVEN WORSE...I'm most afraid to wear it like a hijab around "church people." Sometime, I'll explain it...But long story short is that outsiders (non-Christians) are more OPEN-MINDED than some Christians are. Sad story, right?! Gotta love one denomination's view of their church...Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors. LOVE IT! :)

Anyhow, other than head covering...My parents divorce is either finalized or dismissed on Thursday (not tomorrow...Sept 30). SO, prayers that it all goes well and it is finalized with a "fair" settlement. Hopefully, my sibs and I will all adjust quickly and smoothly!

Another prayer request for my cousin Melissa who had surgery today and is having a few complications with the recovery process (high blood pressure). Surgery went well though, so a praise there!

Alright...I think that's enough for now! Oh, and here's a shout out to my Besties Julie and Nichole! You ladies are awesome and you truly keep me going when things get rough. Thanks for always being there for me! AND...For loving me MORE!

I'm out! Thanks for reading!