Ketchup

I haven't updated you all in a while, so I thought I'd do a "Ketchup" post.  :)

All in all, I've been pretty good.  This past weekend, I went down to the beach with my mom, her fiancee, his kid, my sister, my littlest brother Jacob.  I had a good time.  Wednesday night, after dance class, we headed down to Alabama where we picked up him and his crew.  We didn't get in until SUPER late, or early...6am?!  Then we snoozed for a lil' while at his place.  Then, we packed our bags and hit the road for the beach.  This trip was quite the ordeal as it was one of the few times that I was going down to AL, but also going gluten free.

It seems like everything in the south is fried.  You've got fried tomatoes, fried chicken, fried shrimp, fried ANYTHING?!  So, getting food was quite the challenge.  The first two places we ate were a major fail.  One night my plate had a roll on it.  The second night I had fried jalapeno hushpuppies.  Then we began to eat at places that were a little more friendly to me.  One place had an allergy menu, so I could cross gluten off the list.  The manager had to come and take my order and then brought out my food.  It was so comforting knowing that they cared about people who couldn't eat gluten.  The next place had a gluten free menu, so I just ordered off of it.  I know my family isn't used to having someone around with food allergies, and I know my mom isn't a fan of this diet, but I think after this weekend, they are beginning to adjust to it.  Even though they were impatient at times, they are beginning to see what I can eat and what I can't, which is a great start!  (And I even made a conscious choice to pray before each meal, even if I was doing it alone!!!)

Eating gluten free isn't the only thing my family learned while we were at the beach.  They also began to see that I can't do everything.  I talk about my health a lot on here because it limits a lot of what I can and can't do.  The first night at the beach, I was so worn out from the drive and lack of sleep that I couldn't even manage to get out of bed to go eat dinner.  The second night I was able to go out because I paced myself.  We also got to go play mini golf, during which I scored 2nd place!!!  That was exciting!  I wasn't able to spend Saturday on the beach because I had overdone myself the night before, but I was able to sit out with the family and play a game of Yahtzee!  Unfortunately, I scored in 2nd place again?!  Seemed to be a theme.  Sunday, I riled myself out of bed to go to Mass at 8 in the morning!  I was told we were to leave the condo at 10am, so I was under the impression that everyone would be pretty much packed and ready to load when I got back.  Yeah, apparently not.  Everyone was sleeping when I got back.  Not so great!  SO...I had a bowl of yummy goodness!  :-)

Meet Yummy Goodness.  This is a creation by Nichole, my best friend.  It is vanilla ice cream, covered in strawberries (which have been soaked in sugar), and caramel topping.  It is DELICIOUS!!!  I eat lots of this because it makes me happy.  Lol.  I made sure I had this down south too.  It is gluten free as all of the parts are gluten free! ;)  So, I had a bowl of this for breakfast after I got back from Mass.  BTW, Happy Pentecost half a week late!  Of course, we got up and out of there eventually, but I was exhausted from it all!  After the long 8 hour drive back from his place on Monday morning, Morgan and I had stage rehearsals.  Now, she did most of the dancing, but not being home killed me.  I also played around with the lights since I'm running lights this weekend and did a lil' dancing of my own for the alumni dance!  Around 10:15pm, I finally arrived home.  After unpacking, I crawled into bed grateful to have such a comfy bed!!!  It was certainly a weekend!!!

Since then, I haven't done much.  I got to go see Nichole for a little while yesterday.  I was happy to see her, although she wasn't so happy to go back to season ONE on Prison Break when she was at a cliff hanger on season THREE?!?!?!  But, she did...until she got her sister's computer to watch her episodes with headphones.  Lol.  Either way, we got to hang out for a while.  OH...We also painted our toes again!  I just put glitter on mine this week.  It made up for her super cute pink and green toes with flowers!!!  ;)

Anyhow, I am in a lot of pain today.  I hate how fibromyalgia works...Ya never know when a bad day will come.  But, I'll make it through.  Really wishing I could find a job...It is driving me crazy!  But, who knows?!  Someday someone will hire me.  Just hope it is sooner rather than later.  I'm wondering if I still have ice cream here...if so, Yummy Goodness will be an order.  Especially since I had M&Ms for breakfast.  Lol.  Great diet!  I know!  Hopefully this was a decent Ketchup!  Much love!

M&Ms....

Recently, I was put on a muscle relaxer.  The muscle relaxer does pretty well, but the pill is powdery and has a HORRIBLE taste.  It actually makes me sick to my stomach if I take it and do not eat something or drink something to get rid of the taste.  Usually, I keep M&Ms around to help with that!  They have kind of been my constant companion since my best friend told me that they were gluten-free!  :)  I also eat them for comfort, which isn't the greatest, but they make me a lil' happier when I'm down in the dump!  

There's a lot that I try to do to make me feel better.  I think it is interesting how each person, especially those with chronic pain, has those things that help them make it through the day.  I must say that my number one comfort is praying, or even just holding, my rosary.  I love to clench the cross, even though my hand is all red after doing so.  I do like eating them M&Ms.  Watching Netflix is top on my list too.  Anything that requires little effort but takes the concentration off of the pain helps.  Crocheting is fun to do because of how relaxing it is and then there is the enjoyment of finishing a project.  I have never made anything for myself other than a couple scarves when I was first starting, so I'm really excited about this blanket I am making! :)  Obviously, I like writing blogs to get out emotion and thoughts.  I also like to research Africa and different missionary programs or trying to learn the language - Swahili.  OR, learning more about Catholic beliefs...but I have to be half-way decently alive for that to happen.  :)  Right now, I'm watching my best friend play Tap Tap on my iPhone...on the hard level.  I am not coordinated enough for that...so I would get very frustrated very easily by doing that.  

Anyhow, that's kinda my thoughts on things that try to make me feel better on bad days even with the whole muscle relaxer thing.  They help me keep going in this life that isn't so fantastic sometimes.  Mmmm...M&Ms! (*reaching for bag of M&Ms regularly kept next to the bed*)

PS...I want a job so I can get a bunny.  :)  Lol.  

A Child's Guidebook

A lot has happened since I last wrote.  But...I'll catch everything up as time goes on.  Today, my brother, Andrew, graduated from high school.  He made me proud.  The hours sitting at the kitchen table trying to teach him chemistry and proofreading paper after paper.  Trying to back him up when kids at school would make fun of him.  He was my lil' brother!  And I love him to this day!  I'm proud that he proved every teacher wrong that has ever told him that he would never graduate...and every kid that made fun of him for wearing glasses or saying "grill" instead of "girl."  Silly lisp.  But, none the less, he did it.  And I must say that the time away from his big sister's eyes did him well.  :)  Sitting in the HOTTER THAN HELL gym made it completely worth it.

And now to the "fun" part???  After the graduation, I went and picked up my best friend Nichole from the house.  THEN...We went out to the house that I grew up in, Mom's place, for a get-together with the family.  Upon approaching the house, I could tell it was causing her anxiety.  It had been a strife to get her to even come with me, but she came because she loves me "always and forever."  ;)  By the time we arrived, she was in an anxiety attack and had to take her xanax (anti-anxiety med) to calm her.  This was not a good sign.  When we entered the house, my brother made a rude comment that almost made her walk out right then and there!!!  RIDICULOUS!!!  No one even rebuked it though my mom was sitting right there.  NOW, I already know that my mom does not like Nichole whatsoever, but she knew and approved permission for her to come.  Furthermore, knowing that she was coming and her gluten-free-ness, mom had NOTHING that my best friend could eat...except watermelon.  Of course, she didn't even ask if Nichole wanted anything to eat or drink.  She showed absolutely no hospitality and it hurt me to see that.  BUT, more than that...this isn't the first time........

I am completely and utterly accepted in every way in Nichole's family.  I am accepted for who I am.  Even my gluten-free-ness is fine with them.  They are willing to cater to my needs and pay for my meals even at rather expensive restaurants.  They are willing to do anything to make me feel at home.  I can enter their house without knocking and I'm even getting a key soon!!!!!!!! How exciting!!!  I am welcome to do just about anything at that house and I'm welcome at family gatherings.  Invites are sent to their house hold with the intent that I'll just tag along.  It's always a good time and I am never disrespected in any way.........

SOOOOOO....When my best friend is treated like crap by my family, it hurts.  It hurts more than you would think.  To hear that your best friend won't come to any family gathering or even your dance recital because she doesn't feel welcome with your family???  It sucks.  It makes me feel like I've failed.  It makes me feel like I am not good enough.  It makes me feel like I have the worst family out there because they can't even accept a friend of mine.  They can't accept her as part of the family and as a huge part of my life.  Sure, we haven't grown up together, but, by golly, I know her well enough that we could have!  I just wish that my family would see her and respect her as a human.  I know her needs are hard to cater to if you aren't thrilled about doing it, but the least you can do is try to offer something that she can eat or ask beforehand.  It makes me crazy that she is essentially out of that part of my life because it causes her so much anxiety.  It makes me crazy that my family behaves as it does....especially my mother.

The Methodist Church in town has something on their sign out front that says:  "A child's guidebook is a parent's life."

TELL ME how I'm supposed to live my life according to what my parents have done.  At least my dad shows hospitality and accepts Nichole as a daughter.  Sure, he is still struggling to provide for the gluten-free thing, but he accepts that as what she must do and he doesn't like how much I look up to her and the influence that she has on my life, but you can't tell me that it isn't normal for a father to do.  He still loves her as his own.  BUT, then I have a parent who shows no hospitality, no respect, no nothing!  I have a parent that seems to run after whatever makes her happy without any acknowledgment of who is hurt along the way.  It is worse than an animal!!!  At least they care for their flock!  Anyhow, I feel like my guidebook is contradictory to the Bible and the way that God would have me to live.  I don't want to be like the family Nichole encountered today.  I want to be like Christ in every way I can.  I want to take after my dad's willingness to let another dear friend into the family and his hospitality that far surpasses anything my other family members would do.  I feel lost if I follow the guidebook that my parents' lives have written because they are still being written and they are still learning.  I'm glad to see Dad following God whole-heartedly, I just wish I would see more of that from Mom and that crew.

I am still really upset that Nichole has been hurt by my family in such an exponential way.  I wish I could make up for it in some way, but I know I really can't apologize for them.  I wish I could take away the anxiety that is felt towards my family.  I wish I could let her see all the good in my family, because deep down, I know it's there.  BUT, I can't.  The bad seems to outweigh the good in the situation.  I can't believe my best friend can't stand to be around my family.  I can't believe my family was so disrespectful today and on other occasions.  I can't believe the guidebook that has been set for me.............

Nichole - I love you and I appreciate you.  I hope you can hang in there with my crazy family.  I told ya they would be quite the ride getting into this...lol.  Thanks for all you've done and all you will do for me.  Thanks for putting up with me in any and all moods.  And thanks for being the bestie I always dreamed of having but never had until you.  Always and forever.........345!