GREAT Read

This is by FAR the best letter ever written.  I would never have this letter written to me, but...I think it is pretty darn hilarious.  Take it as a joke...but seriously, it's great!!!  I did not write it, so I have no credibility in this piece of art.  It was shared to me through a group that I am in on Facebook.  Regardless, please enjoy the great read below entitled:


"Advice from an ER Doctor to a Drug Seeker"

OK, I am not going to lecture you about the dangers of narcotic pain medicines. We both know how addictive they are: you because you know how it feels when you don't have your vicodin, me because I've seen many many many people just like you. However, there are a few things I can tell you that would make us both much happier. By following a few simple rules our little clinical transaction can go more smoothly and we'll both be happier because you get out of the ER quicker.

The first rule is be nice to the nurses. They are underpaid, overworked, and have a lot more influence over your stay in the ER than you think. When you are tempted to treat them like shit because they are not the ones who write the rx, remember: I might write for you to get a shot of 2mg of dilaudid, but your behavior toward the nurses determines what percent of that dilaudid is squirted onto the floor before you get your shot.

The second rule is pick a simple, non-dangerous, (non-verifiable) painful condition which doesn't require me to do a four thousand dollar work-up in order to get you out of the ER. If you tell me that you headache started suddenly and is the 'worst headache of your life' you will either end up with a spinal tap or signing out against medical advice without an rx for pain medicine. The parts of the story that you think make you sound pitiful and worthy of extra narcotics make me worry that you have a bleeding aneurysm. And while I am 99% sure its not, I'm not willing to lay my license and my families future on the line for your ass. I also don't want to miss the poor bastard who really has a bleed, so everyone with that history gets a needle in the back. Just stick to a history of your 'typical pain that is totally the same as I usually get' and we will both be much happier.

The third rule (related to #2) is never rate your pain a 10/10. 10/10 means the worst pain you could possibly imagine. I've seen people in a 10/10 pain and you sitting there playing tetris on your cell phone are not in 10/10 pain. 10/10 pain is an open fracture dangling in the wind, a 50% body surface deep partial thickness burn, or the pain of a real cerebral aneurysm. Even when I passed a kidney stone, the worst pain I had was probably a 7. And that was when I was projectile vomiting and crying for my mother. So stick with a nice 7 or even an 8. That means to me you are hurting by you might not be lying. (See below.)

The fourth rule is never ever ever lie to me about who you are or your history. If you come to the ER and give us a fake name so we can't get your old records I will assume you are a worse douchetard than you really are. More importantly though it will really really piss me the fuck off. Pissing off the guy who writes the rx you want does not work to your advantage.

The fifth rule is don't assume I am an idiot. I went to medical school. That is certainly no guarantee that I am a rocket scientist I know (hell, I went to school with a few people who were a couple of french fries short of a happy meal.) However, I also got an ER residency spot which means I was in the top quarter or so of my class. This means it is a fair guess I am a reasonably smart guy. So if I read your triage note and 1) you list allergies to every non-narcotic pain medicine ever made, 2) you have a history of migraines, fibromyalgia, and lumbar disk disease, and 3) your doctor is on vacation, only has clinic on alternate Tuesdays, or is dead, I am smart enough to read that as: you are scamming for some vicodin. That in and of itself won't necessarily mean you don't get any pain medicine. Hell, the fucktards who list and allergy to tylenol but who can take vicodin (which contains tylenol) are at least good for a few laughs at the nurses station. However, if you give that history everyone in the ER from me to the guy who mops the floor will know you are a lying douchetard who is scamming for vicodin. (See rule # 4 about lying.)

The sixth and final rule is wait your fucking turn. If the nurse triages you to the waiting room but brings patients who arrived after you back to be treated first, that is because this is an EMERGENCY room and they are sicker than you are. You getting a fix of vicodin is not more important than the 6 year old with a severe asthma attack. Telling the nurse at triage that now your migraine is giving you chest pain since you have been sitting a half hour in the waiting area to try to force her into taking you back sooner is a recipe for making all of us hate you. Even if you end up coming back immediately, I will make it my mission that night to torment you. You will not get the pain medicine you want under any circumstances. And I firmly believe that if you manipulate your way to the back and make a 19 year old young woman with an ectopic pregnancy that might kill her in a few hours wait even a moment longer to be seen, I should be able to piss in a glass and make you drink it before you leave the ER.

So if you keep these few simple rules in mind, our interaction will go much more smoothly. I don't really give a shit if I give 20 vicodins to a drug-seeker. Before I was burnt out in the ER I was a hippy and I would honestly rather give that to ten of you guys than make one person in real pain (unrelated to withdrawal) suffer. However, if you insist on waving a flourescent orange flag that says 'I am a drug seeker' and pissing me and the nurses off with your behavior, I am less likely to give you that rx. You don't want that. I don't want that. So lets keep this simple, easy, and we'll all be much happier.

Sincerely,

Your friendly neighborhood ER doctor

My Definition

Today, I asked the Facebook world what a best friend was. While I am not always the greatest best friend, I do have pretty high standards for someone to be my best friend.  It is more than just being my closest friend.  It is more than just liking me and me liking you.  A lot of these qualities I say merely because it is part of being a decent person, but are pretty much required in friendship.  Anyhow, I'll just get to the definition:

A best friend:

• is someone who knows the real you, which goes far beyond commonalities.  
• is someone you can call at any hour and rely on them to be there.
• is someone who cares about you and treats you with respect.
• is someone who is brutally honest, even if it means hurting your feelings.  
• loves you for who you are now and nothing more.
• does not judge you, but will tell you when you are in the wrong.
• is compassionate.
• is someone you can look up to.
• cheers you up when no one else can.
• has a shoulder to cry on.
• keeps no secrets from you and can hold all of yours.
• supports you.
• can talk about anything with you and vice versa.  
• is someone you trust with your life.

Anyhow, that's my definition.  While this definition seems like a perfect person, it is far from it...Mainly because we are human and my best friend has all of these!  So that's all.  

Sprinkler Sunday

Today was definitely one of the best days I have had in a LONG time!  This morning, I lazily got ready for Mass.  Of course, that was after spending a few hours in the ER the night before for a migraine that had been going on for 5 days...talk about torture!!!  Well, after giving me ten billion drugs (okay, four), including an amazingly strange one, it was dead!  Wahoo!  They also wrote me a prescription for fioricet which is a migraine med since my current one is not effective any longer.  ANYHOW, after that fun last night, it was nice to wake up with relatively little pain.  Fibro was working a bit, but other than that...I slept pretty well and was stiff this morning!  I even had a bit of energy for the crazy day ahead.

After Mass, which I loved, of course, we (Nichole and I) went to a baptism for someone at Faith UMC.  HOWEVER, the immersion pool was not filled with water.  Since water seems to be a big part of baptisms, they rescheduled it for Father's day weekend!  Hopefully there will be water this time!!!  :)

Next, we went home for a quick lunch (leftover tacos) and headed to Nichole's 3rd and final infusion for her migraine headaches.  Of course, not before packing ICE CREAM to take with us!  Probably the greatest thing ever!!!  We took ice cream topped with strawberries and caramel! Mmmm.  It was fantastic!!!  Best idea ever!

After the infusion, which seemed to take forever since Nichole fell asleep, we grabbed some paperwork from Nichole's place of employment and filled my fioricet prescription since I had a pre-migraine headache.  Blah!  BUT, the meds kicked it out of the way pretty quickly!  :)

THEN...We went to Becky, Jason, and Jovie's place for a BBQ!  Not only was the food great, but also the entertainment of each other.  Due to a lil' girl, I got to play in the sprinkler!  Now, while I didn't have a swimsuit on, I was pretty much forced to run through it.  Haha.  I was triple-dog dared to run through it...so I had to.  Once I did it the first time, of course I had to do it more than once!!!  So, I had to do it again and again.  Then I was done and refused.  But not long after that was I cutting up brisket for her to eat, playing with Barbies, and reading a story with her.  Needless to say, I had an awesome time.  Pics are on FB...I'm not loading 'em on here too.  Lol.  BUT, probably one of the best days I've had.  I'm sore and in pain...but I'm glad I didn't let that keep me away from having a good time and laughing with the adults as well as with the lil chillin'!  Reminds me how much fun I have with kids and the energy, they not only steal from you, but also give you!  I don't think I've stopped smiling since I left their place.  I just wish I had that kind of energy all the time!  GREAT time.  Glad I accepted the invitation!  :)

So, I had a great Sprinkler Sunday!!!  :)

Firing FB?

After being off of Facebook for nearly 46 days, I am completely overwhelmed by it all.  I don't know what to do with all of the changes.  For instance, the question thing is really weird but kind of cool.  I just don't get it.  And then there is the fact that the people who I contact only through FB have been out of touch for the last month and a half...so it's weird trying to catch up on their lives and not be too "stalker-ish" in coming back on FB and commenting, etc. 

For Lent, it was absolutely great to be away no matter how much I missed it.  But, FB is too much right now for it to be what it was before Lent.  And I don't want it to be how it was before Lent.  So although I adjusted quite quickly to it, it's still a lot to take in at once.  THUS...I'm turning off FB texts to my phone.  AND...I'm honestly considering deleting the app off my phone again.  It's annoyingly on a third page of apps, plus I seem to click on it often wasting battery.  Lol.  So, I'm not so sure about that one, but the texts are done.

It's not only the overwhelming feeling it provides by its natural presence, but there is also a social aspect that I'm already missing.  While being off for Lent, I realized how much more effort I had to put into portraying my emotions and opinions...However, by doing that, others were doing it too.  For instance, I actually had to ask my best friend how her morning was going, rather than looking at her FB updates from 4:30am, 6:03am, and 8:24am.  I actually had to live life for real, rather than in an online world.  I had real conversations with people.  No one knew what I was doing every minute of my day, and I didn't know theirs.  It was a glorious thing, really. 

So, am I firing FB?  No, not really.  But I'm not letting it take over my real life.  I love it in order to check up on people and see how everyone is doing.  I love being able to communicate through it, posting pictures and statuses, etc.  I love being able to minister through it.  BUT, I don't want it to become my reality that I'm so dependent on its existence in my life. 

Therefore, no to FB texts, maybe to FB app, and sure to FB profile.  I will be okay not being on FB until I can get to a computer.  I was away from it for 40-some-odd days!  Surely I can handle a few hours...

Alive and ???

As I near the end of my stinkin' long day, I have so much to say and so little time to do so.  I hurt pretty badly tonight, so I don't know how much I will type or if I will even remember everything I want to talk about.  Here's the brief form:  auditions, bunnies, birthdays, Easter, FB fun, sista, life plans. 

Auditions
I'm nervous for them.  I know that I shouldn't be.  But I am.  More than that, I'm nervous about finding my way around campus tomorrow!  I don't want to be "that kid."  So, it doesn't help that I also didn't print the campus map before I left home.  Hopefully I don't get turned around and that the campus becomes home VERY soon.  I am looking forward to it though!  I'm looking forward to being on the campus on a school day, meeting the music department staff and the financial aid counselor.  So yeah!  Wahoo.  I love it when things start getting set in stone!  :)

Life Plans
Yes, I know.  I'm going out of order.  I don't care.  As for life plans, I think I am going to keep up with my creative writing english major.  I am hoping to take some technical writing classes and do editing and publishing as a career.  Not crossing off the other options, just not pursuing them at the moment.

Birthdays
My bro's sixth birthday is tomorrow!  It is SOOO exciting for him.  He was super excited tonight when I saw him.  He looks so grown up too!  I can't believe he is already turning six!  CRAZY?!
Also, I've been thinking about various organizations/charities to donate money towards, so if you have any ideas, post 'em in the comments section!  :)  Thus far, I've been thinking about my child I'm sponsoring from World Vision and donating to her community.  Or the endometriosis association.  Or UMCOR for relief in Japan and/or Haiti.  SO...Let me know your pick and/or suggestion!  :)  Oh, and this would be a donation in place of a gift to me for my bday in June! 

Easter
Easter is almost here, and that means that family drama has picked up.  Hoping it calms down soon.  I'm worried about my Grandma too.  She just seems to be pretty......ummmm......stressed.  So, that makes me crazy.  But, Easter is another holiday with traditions in place, so it's going to be weird when we stray from them and when it doesn't seem to go as tradition says we should.  SO...We'll see.  ;)

FB Fun
And with Easter here, I'm approximately a few days until FB returns.  I'm not giving it up for good.  I've prayed about it, and there's just too much on there that I can use for God's glory as well as a great communication device for college students.  So, yeah.  It's stayin'.  However, I will have to watch myself to make sure I don't become completely dependent on it and that it doesn't steal away time from God.  ALSO - I already know what my FB status is going to be as I get back on it.  Lol.  How crazy is that?!  I'm looking forward to it.  ;)  

Sista
So, tonight, I got this amazing lil' crocheted bunny from my awesome older sista!  And that refers to the magnificent Nichole!  :) She isn't my sister by blood, but our friendship has definitely become more like family than just besties.  Can you believe that she just leaves my orange juice cup sitting on the table until I take care of it?  EVEN if it is like a week later?!  Yeah, we're family.  ;)  Now, if only I could get her to come over to my place enough to have her do that...lol.  Yeah, finances suck and make that nearly impossible right now.  But that's okay.  Soon enough we will be incredibly close!!!  YAY! 

BUNNIES!!!!!
The magnificent sister of mine has bunnies.  They are adorable.  ANYHOW, so I'm bunny-sitting while they are away on a cruise.  And I've been pretty nervous about this whole thing for a while now, right!  It doesn't help when she threatens our friendship based on the survival of these bunnies...and of course, she's said this for MUCH longer than just asking me to bunny-sit.  Ha.  SO, now that I'm bunny-sitting, I have been wondering if I can really handle such precious creatures.  But tonight, as we were chasing the bunnies out from underneath her bed, I got to hold the stubborn one!  :) Her name is Emily, and she is the most stubborn bunny EVER!  I've been scared of her since like...Day one.  (My poor sista who is finding all of this out...haha.  I have been, you should have figured this out by now.)  ANYHOW...I'm not so scared.  I know that she will get to know me and that it will be okay.  And I'm learning more and more how to handle them, which is comforting.  I feel like the worst is over with.  I have been able to hold Emily with her relatively calm as she can be!  SO, I am at peace with the whole thing.  The task doesn't seem so big and scary anymore.  YAY!  :D  I love bunnies!!! 

ALRIGHT...So I think that's all I have for you tonight.  I'm in pretty intense pain from writing that, so I'm going to attempt this thing you people call sleep.  Not sure how it will go, but hopefully it will go well.  :)  For now, I am alive and....BUNNIES!!!!  :)
 

The Circle of...what?!

I wasn't going to write this out, but thought I should for the sake of...it might come in handy later on.  :)

So, today I thought SERIOUSLY about getting on Facebook.  Clearly, this would defy the whole Lenten sacrifice thing.  But, I was just really curious about what some people were doing.  And although nothing could justify going against a clear sacrifice to God, I was doing my best to justify it.  Well, I didn't do it.  But it certainly got me thinking about why I wanted to get onto FB that badly.  I determined it must be an issue with trust.  Ha.  Yep, that word again. 

The more I miss an individual (distance wise or feeling wise), the more I feel I need to get onto Facebook.

The more isolated I feel, the more I feel the need to get onto Facebook.

The more excited (or emotional) I feel, the more I feel the need to get onto Facebook.  

The more "bored" I am, the more I feel the need to get onto Facebook.  

So, those are the reasons I seem to be wanting to get onto FB.  But I've determined that those feelings also play a role in how I trust God.  The more distanced I feel from God, the less I trust Him.  The more isolated I feel from others, the more isolated I feel from God.  The more excited I feel, the more excitement I feel from God.  The more bored I am, the more distant my relationship grows.  So, it's kind of a circle that I seem to be caught in, with regards to my relationship with God and trusting Him.  

Anyhow, that's all I have for you for this update.

It's 46 Days, Not 40!

Today is Ash Wednesday. It is the time in the Christian church where many people either give up or take on something in resemblance to what Christ did for us on the cross. The traditional number for it is 40 days, though in reality it is 46 days. It goes until Easter. Some people give up chocolate, soda, sweets, television, etc. or they take on something like reading the Bible more often, giving more time to service, spending more time in prayer, etc.

This year, I have given up FBYTG, which stands for Facebook, YouTube, and Google. I'm not really excited about doing it, however I know that I will have much more free time for the next 46 days. This morning, my daily check of the internet took approximately 4 minutes. I checked my two email addresses, and I was done. I have no idea how I'm going to do with this sacrifice. Along with making this sacrifice, I have committed myself to spending 30 specific minutes studying the Word of God. Recently, I slacked off in this and devoted much of any time that I spent with God in prayer. I realized I was doing too much talking in the relationship with I examined myself and my relationship with God, so thus, this commitment was made.

Because this is really the only way that I'm posting online for the next while, I want to warn you that this blog is generally pretty person. It's who I am. It's who I've claimed to be and who I've reclaimed as who I actually am. So, I don't keep a filter on this. If you are one who doesn't want to know the truth, turn back now or forever hold your peace. Haha. I do make the comment box available, so you are always welcome to post your thoughts, comments, or questions. Now, while this is my out-pouring of my heart, I don't want this to take the place of what Facebook had become for me. I will only post once, perhaps twice, a day. And the posts will probably be long, but not books like I sometimes write. Today's is longer because I'm doing more explaining. However, most will be short updates or thoughts on life. Perhaps I'll even include a bit about what I've learned.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a pretty cheesy person. So, I'm going to tell you what I think I'm going to learn and we'll see how it compares in 40 days...well, 46 days.

Facebook had become a huge addiction for me recently with all the stuff that's been going on with my health. Facebook honestly became my lifeline to the world. On bad days for pain, I would sit and scroll up and down FB CONSTANTLY and chat with people, look at friends' profile pages, and keep up with what is going on in FB world, not to mention post LOTS of statuses (some more positive than others). Obviously, that lifeline is gone for the next while. I hope that my lifeline will be screwed in correctly this time. I hope my lifeline becomes God. Now, I know that is kind of an obvious one, but I'm also having issues with trust. Even today, I freaked out a little bit because I realized that I've completely detached myself from Facebook. I stopped the FB texts from coming to my phone. I logged completely out of FB. (I may even block the website from my computer for the time being.) AND...I deleted the FB app off my phone and replaced it with a Bible app. Talk about a rude awakening when I push that spot?! Haha. Anyway, back to the trust thing. There are some people that the only connection I have with them is through FB. There are some that will not contact me until Easter because I will be off FB. There are some people who will be able to tell me one thing and post another on FB. I can't tell you how nervous I am about it all. I guess it's my control factor kicking in too. I can't have those posts immediately coming to my phone so I can control the situation. The crazy thing is that these people also know that I'm off FB until Easter. So, in reality, they could post anything (even in regards to me) on FB, and I would never know until Easter. I know that I shouldn't feel that way and that I should be able to trust my friends to talk to me if they have a problem or put decent statuses up and understand why I can't look at them right now. But, I can't. I've been hurt too many times. Ya know, it was a lot easier to give up FB when all my friendships were doing just fine. Haha...So there's that issue that I really feel like God will be working on. And I'm still scared and nervous about it, but there isn't anything I can do but trust that God will get myself and my friendships through what may seem like forever, but merely 46 days. Hopefully He can nix some jealousy out too that is connected with the whole issue. But, I won't go into that right now!

I gave up YouTube, merely because it is something I turn to when I am bored. It isn't something that I'm addicted to, but I think the relief from it will be enjoyable.

And then there's Google. Now, why would someone give up Google for 46 days?! It connects back to my trust issue. I research everything, especially in regards to my health. So, other than what I need from such a wonderful search engine to do my homework, I won't be doing much research with it. I want to be able to trust people and trust that God knows what He is doing with my body. I hope and pray I don't regret this sacrifice. I don't think I will, but it'll be one of the more difficult ones.

ANYHOW...I gotta go. Apparently, I am going in to work today at my mom's office. Hopefully I have the energy to withstand it, but we'll see. Have an awesome day!!! Happy Ash Wednesday!