Retreat

After giving Nichole a hard time about never closing the door of my bedroom, I must admit that I'm quite tired of hearing the weather reports over and over and over and over.......(*gets up to shut the door*)

Today, there has been quite a bit of bad storm weather in my part of the state!  Tornadoes have been showing their ugly rotation everywhere!  Communities have been pulling together to make things work out as best as they can.  So, when the storm got a lil' too ugly, I packed up my stuff and went down to the basement.  It was cool down in the basement, but once I got cuddled into a blanket, I was not far from falling asleep.  When I first got settled in, I decided to use the time as a break away from the computer.  I chose to pray the rosary for the storm, safety for family and friends, the victims, and how God might choose to work through the storms.  I found an incredible peace calm the storm within me.  I was reminded that I am not in control, but that God is fully in control.  I was reminded that it isn't about the decorations on the walls or the complexity of the shelving in my room, but that it is all about God and His grace to allow me to have a roof over my head.  I was reminded that my relationship with God isn't about everyone else, but about me and God.  (It seems funny, but it can get that way sometimes.)  It's nice to know that I am not in control and that I am not the one who has to make all the decisions.  My indecisiveness appreciates that.  But, that God is in control even when I feel things are out of control.

This storm was a chance for me to retreat from the world and figure out life, while the rain and wind went on and on today.  I was able to focus on what I need to do to perfect myself in order to become more holy like God (Mt. 5:48) and to focus on what I need to do to prepare myself for Africa (Mk 10:21).

Heartache and Healing...

So, I thought I would write to make sure everyone is up to speed about what's going on in my life right now...

I am still covering. It has been going pretty well. Yesterday, my church family saw me with my head cover on for the second week in a row. (I went home to preach last weekend, and I wore it.) I think most people just assumed that it was a fashion statement the first time, but it really shocked some people to see me with it on again! I had one woman come up to me in tears because she didn't understand why I was covering "such beautiful hair." Honestly, my heart broke, yet I was reminded of why I wear my head cover. It isn't because of vanity. I don't wear it for modesty...I wear it because of the Scripture and what God has specifically asked me to do in regards to that Scripture. It's been 37 days that I have worn my head covering full time (meaning while I am awake). During this time, I have been reminded constantly to pray (especially when people are so distraught with my decision that they stare for long, awkward amounts of time). I have learned not to make my covering another meaningless habit. I think a major part of it is making sure that I remind myself why I cover every morning when I get up. If I don't have my devotional time in the morning where I connect on a deep level with God and remind myself why I cover, the day goes much rougher than it should go! Looking forward to learning more about myself, others, and ultimately God through my head covering...

This past week was EXTREMELY hard on me. I really fell into a depressed mood with no motivation or passion for anything in this life, or for life itself. It caused a lot of heartache on me, and the persons pulling me through the storm! I REALLY appreciate my besties! :) It didn't help that I did a lot of questioning about what I believe and who God really is...And my favorite, HOW DOES THE TRINITY MAKE SENSE?!?! At one point in time, I was so frustrated with the fact that, sometimes, God is incomprehensible that I stopped looking to God for help to get me through everything. (Not a wise choice.) However, because a friend was struggling with many of the same issues, we were able to talk about life and our beliefs. Some of it, we were able to work out...but I think our main conclusion is Job 42...Sometimes, we don't always know what God is up to...BUT, we have to trust that He knows what's best and have a lil' faith (even as small amount as a mustard seed) to pull us through. And thus, the healing began...

The healing is still happening. The aches are still wearing off from this past week...but God is healing them through asking me to dig into His Word and stay on my knees in a regular prayer time. Through fellowship with other Christians and worship, I am able to stay connected, which is SOOO important!

Anyhow, I told myself not to make this too long...so if you've actually made it to here...THANKS for reading! :) So, that's all for now!

Loving God, Loving People...That's what it's all about! Realize there will be heartache and healing along the way...But God never leaves your side!