Before I Die

I suppose this title can be a bit disturbing considering I am young.  But in fact, that is the very reason I feel the need to post something like this.  Perhaps that is when one should create a list like this, rather than after a life-death situation or crisis of some sort.  I don't know how much longer I am going to be able to live the way I want to.  I don't know how my body will affect me 10 years from now, none the less 5 minutes from now.  So, I've done this before on a rough day, but now I feel the need to put it on my blog as something concrete.  But these are the things I want to do before I die.

Before I Die...

• I want to learn how to paint.
• I want to learn ASL (American Sign Language).
• I want to write a book.
• I want to run a 5k.
• I want to dance on stage once more.
• I want to crochet a blanket.
• I want to graduate college & seminary.
• I want to decorate a cake...like amazingly!
• I want to be a pastor.
• I want to go to Africa.

So that's my list.  Of course, the rule I set for myself beforehand was that I couldn't have anything on there that truly depended on others to pull me through.  So my long to get married and have a child did not appear on the list.  Nor did I even include my want to go on a date or have a first kiss.  Sounds cheesy, I know.  My top thing that I want to do before I die is to absolutely spoil a grandchild.  Of course, that is dependent upon others so I opted not to put that on the list, but I can't tell you the impact it has been on my life to have a grandma who is present.  My grandma has honestly been the most influential person in my life.  (Sorry parentals!)  Between being a moral person and being a Godly person, she is a great role model and has been for me since I was young.  So, my want to be like her is only out of love to share what I was given.  

Crazy enough, there is one thing that I've wrestled with for years.  I finally came to terms with it, and then it came up again last night.  This Scripture from 1 Timothy 2...

"A woman should learn in quietness and full submission.  I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet.For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety." - 1 Timothy 2:11-15 (NIV)    

Alright, so a woman should be quiet in church...that's the usual perception.  BUT OFTEN the last verse of the paragraph is completely ignored.  And this is what strikes me.  A woman is saved through childbearing?!  So, I have to have a kid in order to be saved?!  Somehow, I feel something is wrong with this idea.  What about women who are barren and cannot physically have a child?  What about women who aren't in a place in life where they can afford a child?  What about single women?  

I've known many single women who have become pastors.  So I struggle with that sentence.  I don't know.  Maybe at that time they needed a population boost.  I don't know?!  Haha.  But, either way, I'd still love to have a child...or more.  I want to adopt too.  But still.  That is a long way off.   

Either way, the list stands as is.  I suppose with all that is available these days, technically I can have a child as a single mother, but I suppose I've always seen a husband in the mix.  For now, i will work on what I can do, as there is much learning to to be done.  Who knows what the future may bring?!  Or if I will ever do half of the things on my list.  But I know that God is with me through it all.  And that I have an amazing family and a couple close friends who are there through thick and thin.  (Thanks!)