I had to really contemplate about what I wanted to title this blog. Honestly, things in my life are not back to normal. After the craziness off the last blog post (Aka Life Lived), there have been quite a few changes in my life and in the world around me. I'll try to separate it out into categories, but they really seem to mix together as the story of my life comes into focus............
Health
I really haven't made much progress in my health realm. I have been put on pain medication and that has helped bring the pain levels down when they are bad. I am also trying this patch that feeds medicine into me every hour or so. It helped a little bit the first week, but then I had to start taking my pain meds again because I felt I was back to the normal pain levels - high. Yesterday I started to get the first migraine that I have had since I started my new migraine preventative called topamax. It has stayed under a 5 on the pain scale so it hasn't gotten bad yet. I am hoping it stays that way and goes away soon! My eyes hurt from the light sensitivity!!! Regardless, I will still work on the computer, text on my phone, and go to classes, etc.
School
This is becoming a pain. Some of my professors are not so accommodating to excuse my absences and accept my homework that is coming in late to her. I am somewhat annoyed by this particular professor's actions and words. They really strike someone with chronic pain right in the heart. I've missed 9 out of her 43 class periods. She allows 5 excused absences without grades being knocked down. And she pretty much told me that I can't miss any more class periods. She wants to know why I am missing test days and quizzes....I told her I can't predict when my health is going to keep me in bed. Regardless, she still wants to know why I am not in class and why I've missed 25% of her class. (There goes my participation grade) I just don't think I can handle her any longer. From now on, I'm pushing myself beyond anything and even if I don't think I can do it...by golly, I'm going to that damn class!!! She wants me there that badly, I suppose. There's a reason I went through the trouble of going to the disability office.
ALSO...I'm considering whether or not I should register for classes at the community college in the Spring. I need to meet with a representative to talk about nursing school, which is extremely exciting to me. However, I have people like my father or others who have told me that I should consider taking time off to figure out what I want to do before I spend all the money in loans, etc, to go to school. Also, I have realized that I don't think I can get scholarships through the community college. Especially because I am not pursuing further education after the community college, yet. I really just want to be done with school and everything that is going on but it never seems to end. That's why I think there is part of me that wants to be done and just wants to take a break. But, I am afraid that I will never go back once I stop. Especially because, I will get a full-time job and I will be working. I doubt I will want to go back to school. I have really thought about it and I wonder what it would be like to not be in school. Honestly, I've never really had that before. Even summers were preparation for the next school year. Regardless, I will probably register for a science class or two...probably three to make sure I'm full-time. Then I'll take it from there. Maybe my schedule will allow me to work a normal-ish job in the day and take classes on set days or in the evenings. Who knows?!
Family
Nichole is back to work after Mr. Jalen left for Heaven. She is doing multiple cases but her goal is to work a night case full-time from 7pm to 7am. I was against it at first because I LOVE our evenings together, it's my favorite time of the day. However, it is what Nichole wants, and I want her to be happy (plus, there's other reasons that I can't list here because I just can't. Sorry.) Nichole and I are phenomenal together. We have fights just like any other couple, but we make up...like some couples. We love each other with all that we have and we share openly with each other all that we have. I know that we are both stressed out of our minds though right now. Between finances, moving, and various issues, we are nuts.
WE ARE GETTING OUR OWN APARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!
We move in on November 30th. It is only a studio apartment, so it is small, but not too small. We have mostly figured out where everything is going, but we have a LOT of stuff that isn't going to fit, so we are making other arrangements for those. SO MUCH PACKING TO DO!!!! I am excited to be moving again and especially in with Nichole! And the bunnies will be free-roaming bunnies! AND...we will be closer to schools and work! :) OH...Speaking of work.....
Work
I'm back to work! And I have two new managers....both are guys. One is really weird and the other is cool. I am gonna go insane with all the new people. But hey, I guess that's the ups of being good at my job and helping out the ones who are just starting. ;) I am only working weekends to keep the stress down and at the lovely request of my fiance. So yep.
I think that is all I have for you. Lots of changes. I am really kinda crazy about everything going on. I'm behind in just about everything you can imagine. But hey......At least things are kinda back to normal????
Monday, November 7, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Life Lived
I knew if I got too close he would go. I knew if I learned to love he who didn't speak he would leave. I knew if I let him into my life he would change not only my life but me.
It started with just a hello with no response. I never thought I would ever be able to carry on complete conversations with someone who didn't respond except with a subtle movement of his eyes on a good day! But one visit became two and before I knew it, I was visiting two or three times a week for hours at a time! I became friends with the family without them ever knowing me. With all that time around this boy, 3yo Jalen, I began to know how he communicated. I could see in his eyes what he was responding. I even learned some basic nursing practices. Through those many times in a couple short months, I went from being a half-committed English education major to a scared to death nursing major! I applied and was accepted to school. I had never been more certain of my career choice in my entire life!!! It felt so good!!! Jalen cheered me on all the way. He was with me as I made a mess of his G-button. And he was with me as I learned how to push medicines, start a feeding, suction a trach and nose/mouth, and change a diaper (with a nice bladder massage). And let's not forget my adventures with learning how to read and talk to patients who don't respond orally. Yes. I'm not a master. But I have learned a lot from a three year old boy. He has taught me more about life than life itself. But more than anything, I have learned to follow my heart. Because at the end of the day, that's about the only thing I can claim as mine. So I might as well follow where it leads.
I may not be your ideal image of a nurse. That's because I'm not. I want to be a school nurse. I wanna work with kids. I don't care how old, but kids. And perhaps some day I will get to work with the most special children of all. Kids like Jalen. For now, I'm just trying to figure out why Jalen left me to do the rest on my own.......He was supposed to live to be 32!!! ;)
You are missed by many you've blessed, Jalen!!!!
It started with just a hello with no response. I never thought I would ever be able to carry on complete conversations with someone who didn't respond except with a subtle movement of his eyes on a good day! But one visit became two and before I knew it, I was visiting two or three times a week for hours at a time! I became friends with the family without them ever knowing me. With all that time around this boy, 3yo Jalen, I began to know how he communicated. I could see in his eyes what he was responding. I even learned some basic nursing practices. Through those many times in a couple short months, I went from being a half-committed English education major to a scared to death nursing major! I applied and was accepted to school. I had never been more certain of my career choice in my entire life!!! It felt so good!!! Jalen cheered me on all the way. He was with me as I made a mess of his G-button. And he was with me as I learned how to push medicines, start a feeding, suction a trach and nose/mouth, and change a diaper (with a nice bladder massage). And let's not forget my adventures with learning how to read and talk to patients who don't respond orally. Yes. I'm not a master. But I have learned a lot from a three year old boy. He has taught me more about life than life itself. But more than anything, I have learned to follow my heart. Because at the end of the day, that's about the only thing I can claim as mine. So I might as well follow where it leads.
I may not be your ideal image of a nurse. That's because I'm not. I want to be a school nurse. I wanna work with kids. I don't care how old, but kids. And perhaps some day I will get to work with the most special children of all. Kids like Jalen. For now, I'm just trying to figure out why Jalen left me to do the rest on my own.......He was supposed to live to be 32!!! ;)
You are missed by many you've blessed, Jalen!!!!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Shift in the Wind
I know I have been an absolutely horrible blogger as of late. And I know I probably say that every time. BUT SERIOUSLY!!! I mean it. So, needless to say, I have a lot to mention....
I'm going to talk about the boring stuff first, so just bear with me and then I'll talk about my exciting news!!! I've been diagnosed with Lupus (SLE). I didn't think it would hurt me as badly as it did, but I was really struck down by it. I may still be a bit annoyed with the whole thing, but what can I do about it. At least I have answers when some people don't even have those! Also, I've been put on umpteen million meds for it, so I guess we will see how those take effect. I think I"m in a huge flare considering I can't do anything to get myself comfortable. I feel like I have the flu, only not really. It feels worse. And it feels worse every day. I try to remember, people's worst day of being sick with the flu is my good day. There are worse days, but never better days. So, my normal day becomes a good day. That probably made no sense whatsoever, but there. I couldn't sleep last night. I kept waking up in pain and tossing and turning to get uncomfortable (because I was never comfortable). I won't even go through everything that hurts because I'd never get to the good stuff!!! SO.....I'm worried about keeping my job, since my body is always sick to work......Anyhow......
A much better topic....Things with Nichole (my fiance) and I have been extremely good. She has moved in with me and the adjustment has gone quite well. The families are beginning to adjust, but it seems like no talk is better than any talk. My relationship with my mom is improving, which is awesome. Other than that, things with the family are pretty good. Charlie Triton (the Dragonscale Beta Fish) is doing quite awesome, though he might be on fishy-crack. And Ashes Cadberry and Emily are doing quite well (the bunnies). They made the move quick and easy. ALTHOUGH......All of the animals' homes need to be cleaned, which means the mommies better get to work!!! ;)
SPEAKING OF WORK....I think I have finally figured out what I want to aim for in my professional life. I want to be a school nurse. Now, for those of you who have followed me from the beginning when I was in music education....then communication....then ministry process....then creative writing......then english education........YES...I know. The average college student changes their major 5 times. I (technically) have only changed in twice and now a third time. BUT...I highly doubt I'll be changing it again. Why?
I love kids.
I love helping people.
I love educating people.
Ever since I was little, I considered myself a teacher. So, growing up....I was always the teacher, but the side of me that was always kept secret was the "mom" side of me. I'm the one who wants to take care of you when you're sick and clean up your vomit so it doesn't cause more to spew out of your mouth. (Yes, I had to make that a vivid description.) I'm the one who can look into your eyes to know how you truly feel. But more than that, I love to talk to people about health issues, be it anything. I also have this skill of being able to communicate something to someone even if I may not be completely passionate about the topic...I am passionate about education though. And I want that child who just wants their mommy for their sick tummy or that child who deals with pain every day to be able to come to me for help. And I want to talk to classes about sexuality (yes, a major thing in schools right now) and their own health. Perhaps I'm crazy.
I've pushed the sciences away for so long because I thought I was more into the side of things that were humane and nurturing...little did I realize I was pushing away the very thing that I should be doing. A long time ago, I was told that I just wanted to help people....and however I did that and whenever I did that was up to me, but that was what was going to make me happy....helping people. I want to help people in this way. And I know that it's going to take me a while to get to the point where I can be in a school setting.......but I will enjoy the journey knowing what will lie ahead. I am good at the sciences anyway. They come easily to me. I can only hope that I can make my way through nursing school. LOL!!!
While this is quite the shift from the creative humanities, I truly think I will enjoy it. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.....someone famous said that. I think. I know I'm not going to be happy if I keep doing what I'm doing....so something has to change.
It is certainly a change, but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to miss things from the creative arts....I don't think I'll be able to keep up in nursing school while doing 3 music groups. Honestly, I love playing, but I'm going to have to keep it as a hobby, rather than doing it at the professional level. And I don't think I'll be writing many short stories, but I'll keep my blogs going for peace of mind. Regardless, I'll have Nichole....and that's all that matters to me right now.
Only the one who feels the breeze is the one who sees the shift in the wind........
I'm going to talk about the boring stuff first, so just bear with me and then I'll talk about my exciting news!!! I've been diagnosed with Lupus (SLE). I didn't think it would hurt me as badly as it did, but I was really struck down by it. I may still be a bit annoyed with the whole thing, but what can I do about it. At least I have answers when some people don't even have those! Also, I've been put on umpteen million meds for it, so I guess we will see how those take effect. I think I"m in a huge flare considering I can't do anything to get myself comfortable. I feel like I have the flu, only not really. It feels worse. And it feels worse every day. I try to remember, people's worst day of being sick with the flu is my good day. There are worse days, but never better days. So, my normal day becomes a good day. That probably made no sense whatsoever, but there. I couldn't sleep last night. I kept waking up in pain and tossing and turning to get uncomfortable (because I was never comfortable). I won't even go through everything that hurts because I'd never get to the good stuff!!! SO.....I'm worried about keeping my job, since my body is always sick to work......Anyhow......
A much better topic....Things with Nichole (my fiance) and I have been extremely good. She has moved in with me and the adjustment has gone quite well. The families are beginning to adjust, but it seems like no talk is better than any talk. My relationship with my mom is improving, which is awesome. Other than that, things with the family are pretty good. Charlie Triton (the Dragonscale Beta Fish) is doing quite awesome, though he might be on fishy-crack. And Ashes Cadberry and Emily are doing quite well (the bunnies). They made the move quick and easy. ALTHOUGH......All of the animals' homes need to be cleaned, which means the mommies better get to work!!! ;)
SPEAKING OF WORK....I think I have finally figured out what I want to aim for in my professional life. I want to be a school nurse. Now, for those of you who have followed me from the beginning when I was in music education....then communication....then ministry process....then creative writing......then english education........YES...I know. The average college student changes their major 5 times. I (technically) have only changed in twice and now a third time. BUT...I highly doubt I'll be changing it again. Why?
I love kids.
I love helping people.
I love educating people.
Ever since I was little, I considered myself a teacher. So, growing up....I was always the teacher, but the side of me that was always kept secret was the "mom" side of me. I'm the one who wants to take care of you when you're sick and clean up your vomit so it doesn't cause more to spew out of your mouth. (Yes, I had to make that a vivid description.) I'm the one who can look into your eyes to know how you truly feel. But more than that, I love to talk to people about health issues, be it anything. I also have this skill of being able to communicate something to someone even if I may not be completely passionate about the topic...I am passionate about education though. And I want that child who just wants their mommy for their sick tummy or that child who deals with pain every day to be able to come to me for help. And I want to talk to classes about sexuality (yes, a major thing in schools right now) and their own health. Perhaps I'm crazy.
I've pushed the sciences away for so long because I thought I was more into the side of things that were humane and nurturing...little did I realize I was pushing away the very thing that I should be doing. A long time ago, I was told that I just wanted to help people....and however I did that and whenever I did that was up to me, but that was what was going to make me happy....helping people. I want to help people in this way. And I know that it's going to take me a while to get to the point where I can be in a school setting.......but I will enjoy the journey knowing what will lie ahead. I am good at the sciences anyway. They come easily to me. I can only hope that I can make my way through nursing school. LOL!!!
While this is quite the shift from the creative humanities, I truly think I will enjoy it. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.....someone famous said that. I think. I know I'm not going to be happy if I keep doing what I'm doing....so something has to change.
It is certainly a change, but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to miss things from the creative arts....I don't think I'll be able to keep up in nursing school while doing 3 music groups. Honestly, I love playing, but I'm going to have to keep it as a hobby, rather than doing it at the professional level. And I don't think I'll be writing many short stories, but I'll keep my blogs going for peace of mind. Regardless, I'll have Nichole....and that's all that matters to me right now.
Only the one who feels the breeze is the one who sees the shift in the wind........
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Bedtime at 10am?!
I woke up today with a migraine. Actually, this migraine is leftover from last night. How am I writing on a computer screen if I have a migraine, you ask? My eyes are closed and the computer screen is as dim as can be...and my typing is as soft as possible. I am so sick of laying in bed doing nothing. That's all these diseases seem to want to do. I'm excited to start school on Monday, but I'm scared to death that school is going to kill my body. Hiking quickly from one end of campus to the next with a full backpack in ten minutes does not sound appealing to me. Especially in a flare, the task will be great. I just want to be able to enjoy school now that I am finally choosing for myself what I want to do with my life and what I want to major in, etc. I want life to be simple, yet with chronic pain, simple is merely wishful thinking.
Migraines suck.
Fibromyalgia sucks.
Even depression sucks.
Taking more meds than my grandma sucks.
Needless to say, I am considering bedtime at 10am...This sucks. There's nothing else I can do. Okay, I'm done now. Adios.
Migraines suck.
Fibromyalgia sucks.
Even depression sucks.
Taking more meds than my grandma sucks.
Needless to say, I am considering bedtime at 10am...This sucks. There's nothing else I can do. Okay, I'm done now. Adios.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Trapped & Turmoil
I feel trapped.
No, not in a gay relationship or whatever you want to call it. And no. Not with some controlling woman like some of you think that Nichole is. I could end the relationship if I wanted to. And no. I don't want to end the relationship.
Nichole and I have mutually decided to post-pone the wedding until further notice.
No, this doesn't mean that the wedding isn't going to happen. Nichole and I will be together for life, so we want to have the wedding how we want it, and so we would like to be in a place financially so that our wedding can be the wedding that we have dreamed of since little girls. SO...We are not postponing it because you think it's a good idea. And that brings me to why I feel trapped.
Nichole and I have had many people spouting their opinions. Their opinions about our relationship and how we should act. Opinions on whether or not it should even happen in accordance with God's will. And I'm done listening to them. My heart tells me that I am fine, but society tells me that what I am doing is taboo. I'm trapped. I'm trapped between what I want and what society wants for me.
For those of you who I caught completely off guard by announcing this relationship, I'm sorry. For once I'm starting to live my life and love it. I can't tell you how happy Nichole helps me to be. When I'm with her, no matter if we were in a relationship or not, I feel comfortable and everything in my world seems perfect. It makes me crazy to think that some of you see our relationship as some sort of joke or fluke. It is very real. And so, if you're one of those people who love and care for me, I hope that you can see this happiness whether you agree with homosexuality or not. I know that Nichole and I made some mistakes early in our relationship, such as putting it on Facebook for the world to see, but we were just like any excited couple in love! We want your support and your love.
With that being said, I can't live how each of you want me to live. Recently, quite a few changes have taken place. I've announced that I am no longer in the candidacy process for becoming a pastor in the United Methodist Church. I have changed my major umpteen million times. I've told people about becoming an editor some day and even teaching children English in Africa. I've told you all about my decision to become Catholic. Of course, way in the beginning, I spent some time with my head covered. But all through it, I've begun to find myself. I've come out of the turmoil of my parents' divorce and started living for me. I still love God and He is still a huge part of my life, but I can't live my life how you have always dreamt it to be for me. It doesn't work that way. You get to live your life, please let me live mine. You may see that as being selfish, and I'm sorry if you do. But, I'm happy where I am at. I just wish that everyone could see the happiness instead of the politics when it comes to Nichole and me. It makes me sad to think that I live in a country that is hardly going to accept my relationship and only hope the best for my children in their journey.
In fact, I don't even want them being raised in this society/culture. A society that is so set in stone is dangerous. I want my children to learn to love God and love others as themselves. This means that they do have to love themselves (Mark 12:31 NIV). It is going to be ridiculous if the people I love most can't even accept me for becoming who I am.
So, please don't leave me trapped between society's wishes, your wishes, and my own hopes and dreams. It causes way too much turmoil for one soul to deal with, even if she has the woman of her dreams standing next to her through it all. Thanks. And respectfully comment if you so choose.
No, not in a gay relationship or whatever you want to call it. And no. Not with some controlling woman like some of you think that Nichole is. I could end the relationship if I wanted to. And no. I don't want to end the relationship.
Nichole and I have mutually decided to post-pone the wedding until further notice.
No, this doesn't mean that the wedding isn't going to happen. Nichole and I will be together for life, so we want to have the wedding how we want it, and so we would like to be in a place financially so that our wedding can be the wedding that we have dreamed of since little girls. SO...We are not postponing it because you think it's a good idea. And that brings me to why I feel trapped.
Nichole and I have had many people spouting their opinions. Their opinions about our relationship and how we should act. Opinions on whether or not it should even happen in accordance with God's will. And I'm done listening to them. My heart tells me that I am fine, but society tells me that what I am doing is taboo. I'm trapped. I'm trapped between what I want and what society wants for me.
For those of you who I caught completely off guard by announcing this relationship, I'm sorry. For once I'm starting to live my life and love it. I can't tell you how happy Nichole helps me to be. When I'm with her, no matter if we were in a relationship or not, I feel comfortable and everything in my world seems perfect. It makes me crazy to think that some of you see our relationship as some sort of joke or fluke. It is very real. And so, if you're one of those people who love and care for me, I hope that you can see this happiness whether you agree with homosexuality or not. I know that Nichole and I made some mistakes early in our relationship, such as putting it on Facebook for the world to see, but we were just like any excited couple in love! We want your support and your love.
With that being said, I can't live how each of you want me to live. Recently, quite a few changes have taken place. I've announced that I am no longer in the candidacy process for becoming a pastor in the United Methodist Church. I have changed my major umpteen million times. I've told people about becoming an editor some day and even teaching children English in Africa. I've told you all about my decision to become Catholic. Of course, way in the beginning, I spent some time with my head covered. But all through it, I've begun to find myself. I've come out of the turmoil of my parents' divorce and started living for me. I still love God and He is still a huge part of my life, but I can't live my life how you have always dreamt it to be for me. It doesn't work that way. You get to live your life, please let me live mine. You may see that as being selfish, and I'm sorry if you do. But, I'm happy where I am at. I just wish that everyone could see the happiness instead of the politics when it comes to Nichole and me. It makes me sad to think that I live in a country that is hardly going to accept my relationship and only hope the best for my children in their journey.
In fact, I don't even want them being raised in this society/culture. A society that is so set in stone is dangerous. I want my children to learn to love God and love others as themselves. This means that they do have to love themselves (Mark 12:31 NIV). It is going to be ridiculous if the people I love most can't even accept me for becoming who I am.
So, please don't leave me trapped between society's wishes, your wishes, and my own hopes and dreams. It causes way too much turmoil for one soul to deal with, even if she has the woman of her dreams standing next to her through it all. Thanks. And respectfully comment if you so choose.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
ENGAGEMENT PHOTOS!
Yesterday, Nichole and I went to get our engagement photos done. They are by a Mrs. Kymberly Spaulding who did our hair and make-up before we left! I love being pampered, so it was an amazing day! We went out to Cuivre River State Park to have lovely scenery. Great times! So, here are a few of my favorites! :)
Sorry if there are any repeats! BUT, don't they look phenomenal! I'm so excited! I can't wait to get some of them printed and framed! :) Anyway, I love Nichole D Kelly! She is the light of my life and the other half of my heartbeat! She makes me happy to live! She completes me!
Sorry if there are any repeats! BUT, don't they look phenomenal! I'm so excited! I can't wait to get some of them printed and framed! :) Anyway, I love Nichole D Kelly! She is the light of my life and the other half of my heartbeat! She makes me happy to live! She completes me!
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Recent-ness
I have decided to go ahead and write a post to address some of the things that have been going on recently in my life. And, I'm going to save the best for last.
I've been employed. No, it isn't some fancy job...just retail. BUT...I honestly can say that I love my job. I love seeing all the different, crazy, unique people that come into the store. I'm a sales associate, but to me, I'm so much more than just another person on their payroll. Instead, I look at myself in a way that allows me to help people find the clothes and gear they need to do anything that they want to...whether that is look as great as they can going back to school or work, or help them have the tools that they need to hike Mount Everest. (No joking there....) I love the people I work with. The dynamics of the team are crazy but in a good way. Not one person has the same personality as another. So yes. Great job. Part-time, but that's exactly what I need for the school season. :)
My mother got married! I think this is a good thing. Everyone deserves to be happy in this life. The wedding was beautiful. My mom looked great for being over 40 in a wedding dress! That makes me excited for how great I'm going to look when I'm old and decrepit! ;) Anyhow, that's awesome! So, I now have a step-dad and three step-sibs. Not sure if I'm ready to call them siblings yet because I already have three great sibs, so we shall see how that goes!
NOW...The news you all have been waiting for!!!
I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, I am engaged to Nichole Denise Kelly! She is by far the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Yes, she is a female. Yes, this, by definition, would make me gay/lesbian/whatever you want to call it! But, I can assure you that this is what I want with my life. Now, to answer a few questions........
When did you get together? Nichole and I met a couple years ago, but really didn't start talking until summer of 2010. Then, by July, we were completely and utterly best friends! We shared our hearts with each other more than anyone else I have ever known! By February of 2011, we both knew that we loved each other more than just best friends, but we denied our feelings until July of 2011. It was like a huge sweep of relief when we admitted it! By the end of July, we were engaged! :)
Have you always been "this" way? For a lot of folks, it seems like the lifestyle I have chosen has come as a surprise. But, now that I think about it, I think I have always been attracted to girls. I think that may be why I never found any boys interesting enough to date, but I'm not sure. I find some boys to be cute, so if anything ever happened to Nichole, I don't know if I would go for a boy or girl! I guess it would just depend! But, I hope and pray that never has to happen!
Don't you think things are going a bit too quick since you just started dating? No. Nichole and I talked about it and I think we know more about each other than some couples do before they get married! We have completely shared our hearts, hopes and dreams with the other as well as our fears and concerns. No one knows everything about the other before they get married....that's why it is a life-long journey. Plus, we already feel like we've been dating!!!!
"It's not biblical." Well, that's your interpretation. I don't feel that way. Until I'm convicted that what I'm doing is wrong, I'm not going to change. I'm in love!!! And true love only comes from God. True love is what I have for Nichole. Not to get all mushy or sexual, I'm not in love with Nichole only for sex. I think that shall be quite a wonderful benefit, but I love her for who she is and I can't stand not to be with her all the days of my life! Our relationship is not out of lust, which is what most of the Biblical passages are regarding: homosexual relations out of lust or adultery.
Are you still a Christian? DUH!!! I still believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior and the only way I can have a relationship with God! Nichole and I strive to put God at the head of our relationship. Just because I am choosing to live a homosexual lifestyle doesn't mean that I am rejecting God. I assure you that I would NEVER be happy in life without God. Been there, done that. SO...OF COURSE I am still a Christian. I still go to Mass and pray, etc. It's just normal for me to do so and I love it. It means a lot to me, so I won't stop being a Christian just because I've told the world that I'm in a homosexual relationship. I still feel like I can be a great follower of Christ! I love HIM!!!
So, are you going to get married to Nichole? That's what engaged means, right???? Lol. We plan on having a legal ceremony in a state that recognizes our love and then having an unofficial-official ceremony here for our friends and family!!! We have already begun the planning, and I am SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!
Needless to say, there is a LOT going on in my life. I am completely and utterly in love. Nichole makes me the happiest person alive!!! (Though, she would disagree.) She has helped me find the real me instead of the me that everyone else wants me to be. I've finally started living my own life and being my own person, which has made me happier than I have ever been! This is by far, the happiest I've been in a LONG time!!! So, that is awesome. Everything seems to be going great, even though there are plenty of struggles in my life. I love telling people how we got engaged, so if you want to know....ASK! PLEASE! And if you want to know anything else or if you still have questions, talk to Nichole or I about it. Please don't go to our parents or each other because they can't talk about us as well as we can! So, thanks for respecting that!
ALRIGHT...Well, I have to get ready for work, so I'll keep you all updated on the wedding planning, etc. Have an awesome and blessed day!!!!!!!
I've been employed. No, it isn't some fancy job...just retail. BUT...I honestly can say that I love my job. I love seeing all the different, crazy, unique people that come into the store. I'm a sales associate, but to me, I'm so much more than just another person on their payroll. Instead, I look at myself in a way that allows me to help people find the clothes and gear they need to do anything that they want to...whether that is look as great as they can going back to school or work, or help them have the tools that they need to hike Mount Everest. (No joking there....) I love the people I work with. The dynamics of the team are crazy but in a good way. Not one person has the same personality as another. So yes. Great job. Part-time, but that's exactly what I need for the school season. :)
My mother got married! I think this is a good thing. Everyone deserves to be happy in this life. The wedding was beautiful. My mom looked great for being over 40 in a wedding dress! That makes me excited for how great I'm going to look when I'm old and decrepit! ;) Anyhow, that's awesome! So, I now have a step-dad and three step-sibs. Not sure if I'm ready to call them siblings yet because I already have three great sibs, so we shall see how that goes!
NOW...The news you all have been waiting for!!!
I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, I am engaged to Nichole Denise Kelly! She is by far the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Yes, she is a female. Yes, this, by definition, would make me gay/lesbian/whatever you want to call it! But, I can assure you that this is what I want with my life. Now, to answer a few questions........
When did you get together? Nichole and I met a couple years ago, but really didn't start talking until summer of 2010. Then, by July, we were completely and utterly best friends! We shared our hearts with each other more than anyone else I have ever known! By February of 2011, we both knew that we loved each other more than just best friends, but we denied our feelings until July of 2011. It was like a huge sweep of relief when we admitted it! By the end of July, we were engaged! :)
Have you always been "this" way? For a lot of folks, it seems like the lifestyle I have chosen has come as a surprise. But, now that I think about it, I think I have always been attracted to girls. I think that may be why I never found any boys interesting enough to date, but I'm not sure. I find some boys to be cute, so if anything ever happened to Nichole, I don't know if I would go for a boy or girl! I guess it would just depend! But, I hope and pray that never has to happen!
Don't you think things are going a bit too quick since you just started dating? No. Nichole and I talked about it and I think we know more about each other than some couples do before they get married! We have completely shared our hearts, hopes and dreams with the other as well as our fears and concerns. No one knows everything about the other before they get married....that's why it is a life-long journey. Plus, we already feel like we've been dating!!!!
"It's not biblical." Well, that's your interpretation. I don't feel that way. Until I'm convicted that what I'm doing is wrong, I'm not going to change. I'm in love!!! And true love only comes from God. True love is what I have for Nichole. Not to get all mushy or sexual, I'm not in love with Nichole only for sex. I think that shall be quite a wonderful benefit, but I love her for who she is and I can't stand not to be with her all the days of my life! Our relationship is not out of lust, which is what most of the Biblical passages are regarding: homosexual relations out of lust or adultery.
Are you still a Christian? DUH!!! I still believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior and the only way I can have a relationship with God! Nichole and I strive to put God at the head of our relationship. Just because I am choosing to live a homosexual lifestyle doesn't mean that I am rejecting God. I assure you that I would NEVER be happy in life without God. Been there, done that. SO...OF COURSE I am still a Christian. I still go to Mass and pray, etc. It's just normal for me to do so and I love it. It means a lot to me, so I won't stop being a Christian just because I've told the world that I'm in a homosexual relationship. I still feel like I can be a great follower of Christ! I love HIM!!!
So, are you going to get married to Nichole? That's what engaged means, right???? Lol. We plan on having a legal ceremony in a state that recognizes our love and then having an unofficial-official ceremony here for our friends and family!!! We have already begun the planning, and I am SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!
Needless to say, there is a LOT going on in my life. I am completely and utterly in love. Nichole makes me the happiest person alive!!! (Though, she would disagree.) She has helped me find the real me instead of the me that everyone else wants me to be. I've finally started living my own life and being my own person, which has made me happier than I have ever been! This is by far, the happiest I've been in a LONG time!!! So, that is awesome. Everything seems to be going great, even though there are plenty of struggles in my life. I love telling people how we got engaged, so if you want to know....ASK! PLEASE! And if you want to know anything else or if you still have questions, talk to Nichole or I about it. Please don't go to our parents or each other because they can't talk about us as well as we can! So, thanks for respecting that!
ALRIGHT...Well, I have to get ready for work, so I'll keep you all updated on the wedding planning, etc. Have an awesome and blessed day!!!!!!!
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