I haven't danced all my life. I'm not one of those lil' girls who started way back when they were two years old and stopped dancing when they became a teenager. In fact, I didn't start dancing until I was eleven years old! I was envious of my lil' sister who started in her tiny people's dance class at the age of three. Being the person that I was, I knew her dances inside and out and wanted to be on the stage when all the bigger girls got on the stage. So, when the next dance season started, I pleaded with Mom to sign my name on the sheet! She did.
Thus, my dance extravaganza began. I danced my best the first year and at the end of the year, I signed up for the competition team. I must say that I quickly became one of the best dancers of the studio. (I know, no humbleness in that at all!) I went to competitions and realized I wasn't the best dancer out there...I did get an award at one of the competitions for the best dancer of the year from the studio. :) I even began assisting the owner/teacher in her younger classes. I would be at dance 8 hours a week! (Which is a lot for a small studio!) I loved helping the lil' ones work on their technique while having a great time!!!
In the meantime, I was running cross country and performing excellent works on my flute. I would go to cross country practice for a couple hours, play my flute for a couple hours, go to dance class for 4 hours, go home to do homework, and play my flute for an hour or so before bed. Sleep for a few hours and repeat! Amidst all that stress, my knees, wrists, and hands were declining in functionality. My second year of high school, I stopped being able to make it through a 5k race. It was very disheartening. I still pressed on through my third year of school, but had to drop out because of the severity of the problem my senior year. I began having conflicts between band events and dance competitions. I was winning multiple awards with my music, but I still wanted to do more. I began taking flute lessons from my former high school teacher and LOVED it. I decided that music was where I wanted to put my time and effort. I finished my fifth recital season and didn't sign up for the next one. I was then able to devote HOURS on no end to my music, but I missed dancing. I would run lights and changing rooms at recitals. I would manage lil' girls running around missing a shoe and random props. But...it didn't fill the void...
Dancing gave me a chance to release physical energy. It let me see myself in a beautiful way as I moved my body to the music. Lyrical jazz was my favorite class because it flowed with who I was. It still is my favorite style of dance. I love it! Anyhow, dance did little to damage my self-esteem, although I did envy the girls who hadn't put on the extra pounds like I did in high school. Dance, rather, built up my self-esteem to see the work of art move through my body.
I'm excited for tonight's class. I'm worried that I'll wear out and that my knees will give in and I'll end up on the floor. But, I do want to have a good time. This is something I've wanted to do since I stopped dancing. I've always wanted to be in another recital...To be up on stage, having a good time! It's not about showing how skinny I am (because I'm not skinny), or showing my sexuality.......It's about an art that is fun! I'm all for dancing! Very excited! We shall see how it goes!!! :)
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