This week, in my religion class, we talked once again about how religion is defined. I have become quite fond of Paul Tillich's definition. Religion is one's ultimate concern, or what one considers sacred. Religion is what guides one's decisions and actions. Within Tillich's definition, this allows many things to become one's ultimate concern. Sex, money, physical well-being, school, Allah, God can ALL be one's religion. Judaism is only a way to describe a group of people who have God as their ultimate concern, and thus follow a set of guidelines in regards to what they believe. It's like that with every established religion! BUT, if one's ultimate concern is school, then one puts their time and energy into school work and becoming their best at it. It goes further than that though. Within each religion, there is always a goal of some sort. And to get to that goal (whether it is perfection or to get some sort of promise), sometimes sacrifices are made. So going back to school as the ultimate concern...The person works incredibly hard at school, sometimes giving up "fun" activities to study, in order that he/she may graduate and get a good job, etc. So, in essence...ANYTHING can be one's ultimate concern. So you might be asking, what is my ultimate concern?
I asked the same of myself. For a while, I gotta admit that it wasn't what I truly wanted it to be. I want to have this great ultimate concern of Jesus. I want to be like Him. I want to live for Him. I want to immerse myself in all that He says. I want to talk to Him constantly and have an amazing real relationship with Him. I want to love Him. I want to devote my time and energy towards Jesus. But, that's of course what I want. That's not what I've had.
Instead, I've had a crappy relationship with Jesus for the past few months. And my ultimate concern has been the present moment. Finding pleasure in the now as best I can. To an extent, I think that is because I have been in pain, and I just want the pain to go away for a moment so that I can have the life back that I had before. (Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen...But, whatever.) I think this life of just pleasing myself for the now is not in any way fulfilling! And honestly, I think it just caused me to spin further and further into a pit of darkness and isolation.
I'm not going to be able to get out of that pit easily. It doesn't come naturally to me. But, I know that if I can aim all that I do towards my ultimate concern (the good one) then I will be happier. Because of the promises that Jesus holds, because of the mystery in itself, because of what HE did for me, He deserves to be my ultimate concern. If we break down the word religion, it is translated as "connect again." I suppose that is exactly what I'm doing. I'm reconnecting with my God. I'm reconnecting with what makes me "me!" I'm reconnecting with my Creator and my Teacher. My Father. My Bestest Bestie EVER! It's not easy, but it sure is fun!
As humans, we get into this routine. And if this routine is broken, it seems like chaos emerges all too quickly! We like predictability. We like knowing what is next...And honestly, most of us hate waiting to get there. We also dislike chaos. I suppose I could even say that we HATE chaos. But, I'm slowly learning that with Jesus, I HAVE NO FLIPPIN' CLUE WHAT'S NEXT! All I know is that He will be with me the entire time. He will be watching my steps and making sure that no harm can come to me that I cannot get through with Him. For if my God is for me, who can be against me?! (loose paraphrase of Rom 8:39) I know that I am safe in the long run, but for now, I will take risks. Jesus did it! I hope I am able to withstand judgment from others. But, I'm not gonna wait around until my deathbed to think about what I want to do in this life. I've created my list of things I want to do before I die...and I've checked them over to make sure that they can be used to glorify God. He wouldn't put these things in my heart as a passion, unless they were to be used. So, here it goes! (Sorry folks, I'm not sharing the list yet!) I'm gonna get through it. I'm not going to let this distraction that I've had in my way get me down any longer! I've lost much time as it is. But, I'm glad to be back. Back home in my Daddy's arms. It's a wonderful feeling to know that I'm love EVEN THOUGH I've screwed up WAY TOO MANY TIMES!!!
I am loved.
I am found.
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