Day 85 - Hallowed Halloween?

I was able to spend most of my Saturday with one of my best friends. Most of it was pretty fantastic...though there always seems to be a bump at sometime or another. SO...I'm SUPER excited that the bump is working itself out...though, there will be work that eventually has to come in order for it to be resolved. But, I don't really know when that will take place, or even if it will take place, since it's not really dependent on me right now. :) (YAY for less work for me!!!) Long story made short...I just have to remember to be careful with my moods. I can choose how I want to feel (for the most part)...So yup! :)

Oh, the main reason I'm writing this blog post...Today is Halloween! Not sure if that's a good thing or not. I had someone point out today that it is, in fact, a pagan holiday so she will not be celebrating it. It's interesting because I haven't had someone tell me that in a LONG time and she kind of caught me off guard. Haha. That's ok.

AND THEN, at the grocery store, I had someone ask if I was already dressed up for halloween??? I was in NORMAL clothes with my normal "bun" head covering. Kind of awkward...didn't really make sense. Oh well. Lol.

SO...I'm curious how many people who claim to be a Christian don't celebrate/encourage Halloween...It's a pagan holiday that has been transformed to fit just about any culture. The Hispanics use it as preparation for their Day of the Dead (on which they honor the people who have gone before them). Americans use it as a night to get disguised and freak out others! Kids have fun going door to door trick-or-treating. I didn't ever like trick-or-treating (especially once I got older), but it certainly seems to be fun for the parents.

Is it right to claim to be a Christian, yet encourage paganism through something as Halloween? Does the celebration of Halloween encourage paganism? Have Christians, in some fashion, hallowed Halloween so that we can celebrate it? Long story short, it's still a pagan holiday in tradition. What are we as Christians supposed to do about it? Do we still buy Halloween candy to pass out to the neighborhood kids? Or dress our kid(s) in costumes for halloween parties at schools or even churches???

Have we hallowed Halloween???

Okay...that's all I got for ya, considering its 1am-ish! Adios W.W.W. world! :)

Day 83 - Limits and Dr. Pepper

Today has been quite the day.

83 days into headcovering, and someone tells me that she still doesn't think that I'm comfortable covering. This is the day after I have someone tell me about all the "conflicting feelings I've been having." I am really getting frustrated with myself over this whole deal. I don't know how much more I'll put about headcovering on here. It's kind of "old news" for me right now. It still shocks me that it has been over 80 days and I still have people asking to know what it's all about when they saw me in the first week. I think it's great that they want to know, but I don't seem to have the answer ready to "spout" off once the question is asked like I used to be able to do. It takes more time to think about it. Make sure what I'm saying is REALLY the truth on why I cover, etc. :) I love it. But I have limits as to how far I will go and how uncomfortable I will make myself with it. Because I am not feeling any further prodding from the Spirit about it (other than that I'd "better wear it!") I don't feel the need to take it further than where I'm at currently.

Obviously, I have no limits when it comes to my dieting. Ha. I'm currently enjoying a ginormous Dr. Pepper. It really is fantastic. Especially since I have one of my best friends sitting in my apartment! :) So, no bueno on the diet for today!!! Shopping tomorrow to get healthy food???

I did REALLY horribly on my Spanish test today. I didn't take the time to study that I should have...and well, yeah. I don't know. I know I didn't do well, so I'm counting on a C right now. I really need to go figure out what I have to get in the class to keep my GPA that is required for my scholarship. I have an academic advising meeting on Monday. So maybe, if i get my test back and it's REALLY horrible, I can drop and take 19 hours next semester to make it up. (And learn a language other than Spanish???) :) So we'll see. Looking on the bright side.

I've just been really stressed out lately, so I'm kind of not really getting sick. It's not really a cold, but it's hard to describe via internet. So, we shall see what happens with that. Hopefully it won't get too bad. Lol.

Anyhow, I should spend time with my Bestie that's here...SO, I'll catch ya up later! Night!

Day 81 - I've Been Changed...

I started thinking today. (I know, bad idea.) Today is day 81 of full-time head covering. 82 days ago, I put on a random scarf and thought it felt weird. I was SOOO aware of everything that I said or did. I paid attention when people spoke and I was COMPLETELY focused in my prayer time. I legitimately obeyed the speed limit and was conscious of every passing thought. Now, I would not recommend this feeling for it isn’t something that I am particularly fond of; it creates havoc in routine (and possibly one’s stomach!). BUT…Is that a bad thing? Is it bad to become aware of one’s actions? Is it bad to cause a lil’ uproar in one’s routine?

As I was pondering these questions, I kept thinking about how different I am as a person now than I was 82 days ago. And thus…another question came up. However, it’s more of an either-or statement.

“Has head covering changed me? OR…Have I been changed through my experience with head covering?”

Here’s the verdict: I have been changed through my experience with head covering. The physical item…the routine of putting a scarf on my head hasn’t done anything. It’s the meaning behind the doing. It’s the accountability and responsibility that I’ve found through head covering that has changed me.

I am still Samantha. BUT, I am different than who I was. I can’t tell you that I’m anywhere near the same person I was in HS. Not only have I started covering my head, but I also behave differently and have more diverse values than I did back then! Do I love the changes? Yes. Did I love them while they were occurring? Nope. (It’s never easy to make a change.)

One more thing I wanted to mention: I’m pondering the thought of what would happen if I stopped covering. How I would go about it, etc. I began out of obedience to God…so it is definitely up to God to make it clear when/if I should stop covering. SO…yeah. I don’t know. If God is logical whatsoever, then maybe He’ll remember that it’s hard to make transitions with the same group of people…so I’d really prefer if He’d make up His mind, and keep it there…so maybe, EVENTUALLY, I can figure out what He wants…lol.

ANYHOW…I’m tired. So I think I’m headed off to bed. I’ll be up EARLY in the morning! Night!

Day 78 - Snooze Buttons, Ministries, and Scarves

Quite a bit is going on in my brain right now, though I just woke up from an uncomfortable nap (which only has made me more tired and longing for chocolate chip muffins). So, because this is my online blog, I thought I would give you a load of what's going on from all the proposed changes and an update on head covering. Where to begin..........

The Snooze Button:
I am ABSOLUTELY addicted to it. I have become prone to hit it MULTIPLE times in the morning. In fact, at one point in time, I have four alarms going off which cause me to hit snooze approximately every three minutes...Thursday, I hit snooze a total of 34 times. Now, you may wonder why I am emphasizing this addiction. If that is the case, let me politely tell you that this addiction is causing me to miss my time with the Best Friend Jesus. Let me continue to tell you why this is a problem...because I have been missing my time with Best Friend Jesus, I have been feeling incredibly lost lately. Until this morning, where I was definitely in need of the Sunday School lesson and the various comments made, I had even lost sight of what I felt like God was calling me to do in life. I had started, not only doubting my call, but questioning if it ever existed. It's kind of like insisting that the sky is green instead of blue on a sunny day. It's RIDICULOUS!!! Long story made short, the snooze button must go and I MUST get my Best Friend Jesus time in the morning!!!

Ministries:
Today, I really doubted if I even wanted to go to church. I was frustrated and hurt last night and wondered why God would leave me in such a state of being clueless regarding the future. I did NOT want to go to church. Thus, I hit the snooze button several times before waking up this morning. Then, I felt guilty and got ready - wearing jeans because I CERTAINLY did not feel like dressing up to go to worship the God whom I really didn't like at the moment. (At this point in time, it was kind of like sitting next to someone you really don't like at the moment but they know EVERYTHING about you...so you kind of have to deal with it, and thus do bare minimum to meet what must be done...) THUS, I went to church, wearing jeans, out of sheer stubbornness. I pulled up to the church, and sat in my car for at least five minutes contemplating if I actually wanted to go inside. Decided that I needed to go in because I am apart of the prayer ministry team and so I needed to get my name tag, and use the restroom, etc. So, I put on a smile and go inside...this is probably the first time in MONTHS that I haven't wanted to go to church. (Usually when I'm on a spiritual low, I am excited to get rejuvenated at church...this time, I wasn't.) As I'm walking into the restroom, a certain lady tells me how much I am appreciated for all that I do around the church and the ministries that I'm involved in, etc. ABSOLUTELY blew me away. I was NOT expecting that. And, I couldn't get out of that restroom fast enough in order to avoid tears. After feeling overburdened by all that I do, and having multiple people telling me to cut back, this one particular lady sees what I do and is thankful. Let it be known that I hold nothing against anyone who has told me to cut back. I take your words very seriously. From that point on, the morning got better. I was able to connect to God through the worship songs. I allowed my mind to wander during the message and see where God allowed my thoughts to go.
In Sunday school, we are progressing through the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. Today's letter focused on prayer. However, for some reason, my co-leader read some quotes from a magazine regarding worship. It's out of Neue magazine...Spring 2010 issue. And one of the articles talked about how to lead when you feel nothing. One of the quotes from the band interviewed (Hillsong United) was "If it is easy to worship, then it probably isn't really worship." (May or may not be exactly the quote, slightly paraphrased.) It talked about how worship is a choice. I don't have to "feel" like worshiping to worship. In fact, that's probably when I should worship! To worship is a choice that i made with each decision, including the decision to open up my heart for God to speak to me this morning. Anyhow, enough with that...

Scarves:
Headcovering day 78 is today! As the days progress, the questions NEVER END!!! Lol. Recently, I've really been struggling with God's call on my life to cover my head. (Although I wonder if it never has really gone away, and appears at it's own will.) Anyhow, I must admit that I am beginning to get frustrated with the questions. I am actually curious to see how my answers have changed since the first week I started wearing my cover. I am sure they have been altered quite a bit! The questions are actually getting harder to answer. I think part of that is my struggle with perseverance. I am tired of answering them. I used to be fine. And honestly, I don't ever tell anyone how annoying the questions have become, because I believe that I should answer them...it's part of wearing a cover. I forget how unusual it must be for people to see me with my cover on. I have become used to it. I think it might be becoming a "ritual" sort of thing. It still holds it's meaning because I do it for God because He has called me to...BUT, it's kind of crazy trying to remember that when I become annoyed. BUT, I believe God wants me to at least finish out the semester wearing my cover. I'm still struggling with how I would even stop wearing it if that's where God leads me. BUT, if God takes me to that point, then I'm sure He will be willing to give further instructions. Haha.

ANYHOW...I am going to my campus ministry worship tonight. God and I need all the time we can get together. I attempted to catch up on the New Testament in 90 days program this afternoon (by reading Romans) and I fell asleep. Obviously, Romans was not able to capture my attention. BUT, I hear there will be twinkies at worship tonight, and students teaching, so I'm pretty excited about that! :) PLUS, I don't have to do anything!!! Just attend. And worship. And though I really don't feel like getting off of my comfortable couch, I am making the choice to do so. I will update more later. Adios for now!

A New Diet - Devotion

Hey! So, this is a devotion I wrote today. In it, I refer to my diet seemingly being over and done with...Well, that's not true, but I didn't have time to explain it in my regulated word count, so that's where it stands. Lol. BUT...Other than that, i believe this devotion to be true. Haha...

A New Diet ~

Have you ever gone on a diet? Most people have at least attempted to diet. I am one of those people. Recently, I decided that I needed to cut back on my carbohydrates. Carbohydrates are certainly not bad for one to eat, but I found that I needed to watch what I ate in order to obtain the goal in mind.

The author of Hebrews reminds me of my adventures with dieting when he wrote: “The former regulation is set aside because it was weak and useless (for the law made nothing perfect), and a better hope is introduced, by which we draw near to God” (Hebrews 7:18-19, NIV). I am sure that the author was not referring to my non-dieting days when he says the “former regulation.” However before the dieting days of the people of Jesus’ time, the people were at their worst. They did not have a real, personal relationship with God. Yet, Jesus provided a way for people to meet their goal by showing them how to draw near to God.

By a change in my habits, I was able to work at my goal and feel hopeful for the future. This Scripture is not referring to the Old Testament being bad, just set aside the rules and regulations which were made complete in Jesus’ sacrifice. Jesus exemplified the way to draw near to God.

What might you need to set aside for a while to introduce a better hope and draw near to God like Jesus did?

Changes: Resetting My Inner Clock?

I've never been real big on change. Actually, I found a TRUE hatred for change my junior year of high school when changing band directors for the third time. I really would rather not face it...but, here's the thing: I can't become anyone different than what I am without it. SO...I'm stuck with its reality! Because of all these areas in my life that need change, I'm starting slow and making my way there...Here's some of the changes and a "proposed" change that I will hopefully decide on tonight:

First off...I went running yesterday. Mostly because I was mad/frustrated, however I ran. I certainly got my exercise in for the day, and I am currently regretting it, as I am sore. I didn't do any sort of exercise today, so shame on me...other than walking to my car/classes. (The shuttle system may have lost a passenger...except when it's icy!) So, progress is being made.

My eating habits have been horrible, primarily because I don't have any "healthy" foods available. I'm working on a new shopping list for the next trip to the grocery store. :)

Lastly...(for tonight)...Jesus and I have been doing better with our devotional times. I have cut back some on the things that I do, and I am learning to focus on Him rather than all the stuff I do for the church. (And about 12 people in the world are saying "Told ya so!" right now!) I am joining the English Society at my university. (Which, I'm pretty excited about!) i really feel like I can make a contribution to the group, and I want to be able to find that place (or group of people) that I can have as friends outside the church...Though, i do hope to share Jesus with them if they don't already know the AMAZING news! :)

Okay...Got side-tracked...Jesus. Okay. Yes. Monday and Tuesday, I did really well getting up, and He got at least 45 minutes each morning. Today, I had an ultimate fail, and so He got about 5 minutes this morning. (Bad...I know.) Tomorrow...(This is actually needing to be decided)...I will DEFINITELY be getting up. At this point in time, it is a matter of how early will I be getting up. My friend (whom I used to do my devotion time with every evening) decided to start doing her devotional time in the morning, and thus we stopped doing them in the evenings. This caused us to stop doing them all together, because she has to do them at FOUR in the morning now!!! RIDONKULOUS!!! Anyhow, we both miss doing devotion time together...And while she is going to keep her time alone in the mornings, I think it might be time for me to live out the aspiring 4am wake up call that I've known about for quite some time. (Yup, Holy Spirit's been workin' on me for a few years now...Lol.)

Honestly, I love being up early in the mornings. HOWEVER, I am not one who is used to it anymore. My college life schedule doesn't comprehend 4am. So, I'm really trying to figure it all out. I might do a test run for tomorrow morning...though I don't think I know how to go to bed at 9:30pm and get up at 4am?! Crazy action! Oh well...I'm really excited about it. I think I could make it work, if i started getting up at 4am and doing devotion, getting ready for the day, homework (what most kids do late at night), and head to classes! Of course, I would HAVE to go to bed at a decent time...But, that is the least of my worries. Resetting my inner clock? Now, that's a challenge!

Okay...That's all for now! Night!

Radically Testifying to Grace???

Acts 20:24 (NIV) – “However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.”

Just before this verse, the Apostle Paul makes the statement that he is going to Jerusalem, and because the Holy Spirit has warned him, he recognizes that prison and other hardships are waiting for him. I’m not going to lie here…If I knew something bad was going to happen to me in a place, I would DEFINITELY avoid that place!!! I would be the modern-day Jonah. The person who would hide away from God as long as I possibly could until God had a big fish swallow me and practically force me to realize that I needed to do His will! Yep, that’s me! However, the Apostle Paul has come to realize that His will is all that matters!

God has given the Apostle Paul the task of “testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.” What might this mean? Well, it’s pretty much telling the story of how God can give us something we can’t achieve by ourselves.

This weekend, my church taught on grace. After one of the services, I had someone come up to me and ask, “So, what’s grace?” This person was completely serious, and I honestly couldn’t explain to this person what it was. In Acts, Paul emphasizes that he isn’t called to “define” grace, but to witness, or testify, to “experiencing” grace.

Now, I realize that we don’t sit around and debate theological topics, like many of the cities that the Apostle Paul visited. Nevertheless, we MUST be the people to break through the social norms to get the Gospel of Jesus out into the world…The Gospel of Grace…How God has saved us from death and damnation when we couldn’t save ourselves. Jesus never said, “Go to the ends of the world…until a few generations pass, or until you get tired of being real disciples of mine.” Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a RADICAL idea?! It is one of the most basic parts of being a Christian.

Though I struggle with the thought of facing hardships down the line, the Gospel must be testified in all of our cities. People die (probably) daily in other countries for their beliefs in Jesus Christ, not because they hide them away and hope that someone else will take care of telling the world, but because they are a true witness to the Grace of God. Do you hide away your beliefs? Do you live ‘em out? Would you be willing to face hardship if God asked you to merely walk across the room to witness to someone who might reject you? The Apostle Paul realized that this mission meant more than life. What about you?! What do you live for?

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